30 Bananas a Day!

 

Sometimes I wish I could separate myself from food completely. Just let it go and never have to worry about it again. I spend too much time and energy thinking about fucking food. I’m pretty sick of it… It’s either the energy and mental power to stay 100% perfect and raw and to eat differently than everyone I know…or I’m fantasizing about cooked food…or I’m cheating on cooked vegan foods that makes me so mad at myself and makes me feel like shit. I hate being hungry…I love the act of stuffing my face…but then I hate being full. I always feel so gross even when it’s only bananas. I just wish it would go away. I wish I didn’t spend all of my hard earned money on produce. Why is it so hard to be healthy? I’m not giving up…just wishing I could be like a plant and get my energy from the sun. Never having to worry about ease of digestion or caloric intake or organic prices would be fucking magical. Fuck I must be undercarbed or something since I’m not all happy about life today. Or maybe it’s the pesticides on my non organic oranges. Or maybe I need more greens. Ha I’m sorry.. just hoping venting makes me feel a little better. I just am over it. Since that day in 3rd grade when my friend Chelsea told me my chocolate muffin had 20 grams of fat and would make me fat….my relationship with food has been fucked up. I eat too much…I eat too little…I don’t eat carbs…I eat all carbs…I just want to have a good metabolism like all of the skinny girls I know who eat whatever they want and don’t get bloated …ever. Food, I just want to take a break. You hog all of my attention and I just want to live my life. Too bad this will never work out.. because I love food more than I could ever hate it. UGH

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Comment by Dawson on November 22, 2012 at 11:20am
Yes.....So true......
Thank you Peter
Comment by Moglie on November 22, 2012 at 2:53am

you have the same problem that we all have, and surprise it's the only one you need to worry about FOOD, all animals seek food for all their life :D

Comment by urosbr on November 21, 2012 at 7:26pm

Ha ha, It's interesting that we are having the same thoughts :D but I guess over some period of time things change when it becomes a habit...

Comment by Mera/Feather Story on November 21, 2012 at 10:07am

Hey Gabrielle, a lot of what you say I am sure I said word for word a few years ago.  I am/was one of those skinny girls who would eat whatever I wanted and didn't get fat or bloated, but other than the way I looked, I felt like how can I say it nicely... crap.  I absolutely had to change everything or I would have wasted away because I had gotten so tired of food as well.  

For me it is apparently genetics because all the women in my family have the same memories of being thin with no intentions to be so, in otherwords, eating a lot and not getting fat.  But for the other women in my family it did catch up to them, right around the age I am now.  They haven't stopped catching up either...so you are fortunate that right now you at least have the opportunity to change your relationship with food and I will tell you it can and will happen if you keep believing you deserve to feel at ease, nourished, healthy and have a fit body.  

I think you're supposed to love food, just love the food that loves you back(to quote Dr. Graham, I think).  

P.S. that is terrible that something ruined your body image at such a young age.  I hate that children are(and were) subjected to that kind of assault on their minds. 

Comment by Sophia S on November 21, 2012 at 6:01am

I totally agree with NathanB! I also have a terrible relationship with food. I think of it all the time: when my next meal is gonna be, what to have for lunch and dinner, etc.  I hate the feeling of fullness even though all I had was a large plate of vegetables under 100 calories. I feel the urge to calorie restrict again on HCV like I did last year (400 cals a day) only because I don't feel/see any weight loss. 

Comment by Nathan on November 21, 2012 at 3:18am

"I hate being hungry…I love the act of stuffing my face…but then I hate being full."

This! Know exactly how you feel here. This is why I love drinking smoothies and juice so much, leaves you feeling lighter. Just remember the feeling is 10x worse on SAD!

Comment by Kati Sharp on November 21, 2012 at 2:40am
Heyy, I felt exactly that way for SO long...
How long have you been following LFRV? Since being LFRV, I've only recently begun to form a healthy relationship with food again, following an eating disorder I pretty much grew up into.
http://thegaychickwiththeblog.blogspot.com/2012/09/healthy-appetite...
Comment by Gabrielle on November 21, 2012 at 1:21am

Thanks Peter. I feel  a little better...I know I need to work on a healthy relationship with my food. Maybe we will see a therapist lol

Comment by Sammy and Chaluntos Banana on November 21, 2012 at 12:38am
omg i totally know what you mean i always wish that i can do photosynthesis

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