I woke up this morning in a little surf town in Nicaragua and said "today I am going surfing."
I thought to myself "its taken 31 years to get to this day, that's a long time and a lot has happened."
My Grand parents were called "beach house nanna and poppy" they were sun-lovers who always lived by the sea, they would always fish and crab for food, loved tropical fruits and my nanna always wore pretty floral dresses. They always ate before sundown and had a carefreeness about them that I loved to be around.
In their backyard they had a giant Mango Tree.
Under the mango tree was a giant Surfboard like the Hawaiians use on those big waves - I used to stare it and ask my nanny - "what about that?"
she'd say "that's your Daddy's board" he doesn't ride it anymore.
I was fascinated by it and I was 6 or so just wanting to unleash its magic..
My dad was a professional water-skier when he was younger. he Skied at sea-world and places like that doing amazing tricks like this:
But something happened - and there was a reason he didnt ski any more and why this giant surfboard was turning Sepia under the mango tree. My dad was skiing with a parachute being pulled behind a boat and was way up high in the air and for some reason the boat stopped and he crashed to the water. I still don't know what happened to him, but He didn't want to ski anymore.. as a little girl I sense he had lost some of himself in that accident. I always begged him to take us skiing and surfing, and to let us climb on his shoulders in the water and teach us the tricks, but he just worked really hard instead and forgot about his passion..
When I Was six I changed schools and my best friend had a beach house on an island and we went there a lot growing up. All her family surfed. I got tired of sitting on the beach watching and got myself a surfboard when I was 14. Had to beg my mother to help me buy it. But I got it and it was the best thing I had ever had before.
The first time I went surfing I just followed everyone out and no one checked in on me and said hey "can you do this?' I just paddled straight out after everyone into a sharky, rough, deep water dumping, choppy ocean and got absolutely smashed and nearly drowned.. no body was noticing. I had a lot of experiences like this growing up - no parents in sight guiding the situation and just trying to work it all out for myself.
The second time I went out, my dad took me to a strange place to surf, same again sharky grey waters and I got such a bad fin-chop on my leg, I was bleeding in the water and I still have the scar today. I didn't get a good start.
I spent years overcoming these incidents and grew very afraid of breaking waves.
I always had a surfboard and always lived by the ocean, but I never got past this place of fear in the water but just sat on the beach watching , absorbing surf culture and surfing styles and surrounding myself with the essence of freedom and joy of being a co-creator with the Ocean. Surfing is a major love of my life always has been.
It seems I inherited the legacy of my fathers accident and couldn't get past that place for a long time.
I had four children, bought their dad a surfboard and got him into it, put four little kids on endless safe waves at our local beach and would always be the one yelling out WHOOP! to anyone getting a great ride.. but it wasnt me...
Meanwhile I has suffered a back injury when I Was younger and that had made me very weak in the back exactly where you need to be strong for paddling and between that, my fear of the water and being in and out of pregnancy, years went past and I was still the one sitting on the beach.
In 2008, after having four children , nearly dying of cancer and overwork, and then reading the Ringing Cedars Series, I began to change my life dramatically and begun to eat masses of raw food and juices.. I followed the Gerson therapy for a long time and I moved our family very very close to the beach and began swimming in the dumping waves every morning and re-wiring my cellular memory of the ocean. I trained myself to let the energy in the wave, the g-force, enter my crown chakra and go through to my feet and become one with the wave rather than it tossing me around like flotsam.
I slowly began to recover a power in my physical body and connection to the ocean that I had lost and repair not just my trauma with it but my dads too. I began to understand and heal how we are so uniquely connected to the karma of our parents and the traumas they pass on to us whether through cellular memory or conditioning in our environment growing up. But I began to feel I was healing it and taking back my power. I watched surfing for hours burnishing the images upon my mind and so my cells. I kept encouraging my children to surf everyday. and they began to get good at it and feel that "only a surfer knows, feeling."
one day before a kahuna massage- deep Polynesian healing connected so intimately with the ocean, I swam way out the back behind the surfers and beyond the breaking waves and turned myself into a floating surfboard. I let the ocean take me wherever it wanted and closed my eyes and trusted. It brought me around the breaking waves and into a little cove and landed me safely on the beach.
I was amazed. I went for my Kahuna treatment and laughed so hard the whole time my friend and therapist had to stop and laugh with me.. something very deep had been healed.
I began to get stronger and fitter and swim a lot in the ocean, but still no surfing.
I kept going, following my dreams.
I went for long walks and thought very hard upon my surfing journey and how I could really succeed this time. I realised I had to forget about waves for the moment and train my body to paddle well and be strong where it was weak. I began to paddle every morning on a short board in a fast flowing river and get my back strong. But something still was not right, I was misaligned in my spine and exercising was compounding it and making it worse . So I stepped back even further out of the water and went to an osteopath regularly and began to do Bikram yoga every single day.
The osteopath discovered that one of my legs is slightly shorter than the other and although this is quite common, in some people it doesnt bother them and some people like me it causes tremendous curvature and pain in the spin and supporting muscles.. finally for the first time since I was little I was getting relief from life long pain in my back. I began to feel very very strong and energetic and coupled with reading Anastasia regularly, going for my dreams, eating raw foods and being very close to nature and sleeping under the stars and going barefoot everywhere, I began to feel better than I have my whole life.
I was onto something, and it was giving me a huge amount of energy. The ocean, our relation , the great mother water that covers most of the planet, had called me back to her and helped me heal things that were years old, some not even mine and some obviously ancient. The ocean brought me to ho'oponopono, Kahuna massage , to diagnosing and healing my back pain, to know true love, and to know to leave it until its right, she called us to Tahiti, she connects us to all these things that speak to my soul and guide my way back to my essence.
But still, I hadnt surfed.
I woke up in this morning in a little surf town in Nicaragua and said "today I am going surfing."
I thought to myself "its taken 31 years to get to this day, thats a long time and a lot has happened."
I am ready I thought. I got myself back on track, got my career back on track and got my body repaired for this after 5 months of daily bikram yoga . I am ready.
I arrived for a surf lesson. I had never had one.
We practiced standing up on the beach and then Norwin my coach took me into the water.
he carefully and skillfully guided me onto a wave, just like I had done a million times for my own children and I stood up - first go.
this is one of the happiest days of my life. Today I got to feel like what is feels to be surfed out. and very very content.
I surfed all afternoon, putting myself on waves and out of about 50 waves I caught I stood up on about 45 of them. And I crossed that bridge and no longer was I the one sitting on the beach watching..
and I fulfilled a dream of a little girl standing under a huge mango tree feeling the power of a big old surfboard.
I will surf for the rest of my life, the journey has just begun.
Live the dream, seize the day, and all will be healed.
thanks for listening,