30 Bananas a Day!

i'm furious, actually. i'm so angry i don't even know where to turn. i'm shouting and yelling and feel like i could pound something into dust. i'm angry AT MY LIFE. not at me - more like it's on behalf of me, if that makes any sense. and if it doesn't, sfw, it's my anger, it's my life that's let me down, not yours so bugger off!

that's the mood i'm in. i don't want to see the blessings, i don't want to be all peace and love in the moment, i don't want to be softness and sunshine - some things have happened that i REALLY don't like, that make me feel like i REALLY DON'T MATTER - like me, right here, in my own life, have absolutely ZERO SAY in decisions that affect me, and there's nothing i can effing do about it. all i can do is sit, be patient, wait, let other people do their thing, keep plugging ahead, keep on keepin' on, and meanwhile MY LIFE is in other people's hands and i have no say, and no ability to say ANYTHING about it.

i'm so angry. i'm so angry. i'm so angry.

and the worst part - i'm gonna effin' feel this effin' anger, because i'm not going to eat effin' chips to stuff it down, because them sh*ts just make me feel effin' WORSE. there's only one thing that would make me feel better right now, and I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO IT! because that would be breaking the rules of the game (not my game, mind you!) and i've got to be a good girl and follow the rules.

this mega-super-sux.

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Comment by Ashley Hamilton on July 24, 2009 at 8:57am
glad you decided not to stuff it with food.

i hope you feel betttter!
Comment by greenghost on July 24, 2009 at 3:52am
Yeah sometimes you just have to let it out. I've used music for a cathartic effect when I couldn't express my emotions precisely, but video comes in handy too....
Comment by rebeccaj on July 23, 2009 at 6:51am
thanks Moth, I really appreciate it. i am feeling better now - it was this mega-intense 3-hour flare up of pure anger, and now it's just gone. i am reading this post, and i remember feeling that way, but i don't feel it anymore. i've gone through a lot of emotional upheaval the past few months, and maybe this was the last big contraction? birthing my new self out of the rubbish of the old one?

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