i'm furious, actually. i'm so angry i don't even know where to turn. i'm shouting and yelling and feel like i could pound something into dust. i'm angry AT MY LIFE. not at me - more like it's on behalf of me, if that makes any sense. and if it doesn't, sfw, it's my anger, it's my life that's let me down, not yours so bugger off!
that's the mood i'm in. i don't want to see the blessings, i don't want to be all peace and love in the moment, i don't want to be softness and sunshine - some things have happened that i REALLY don't like, that make me feel like i REALLY DON'T MATTER - like me, right here, in my own life, have absolutely ZERO SAY in decisions that affect me, and there's nothing i can effing do about it. all i can do is sit, be patient, wait, let other people do their thing, keep plugging ahead, keep on keepin' on, and meanwhile MY LIFE is in other people's hands and i have no say, and no ability to say ANYTHING about it.
i'm so angry. i'm so angry. i'm so angry.
and the worst part - i'm gonna effin' feel this effin' anger, because i'm not going to eat effin' chips to stuff it down, because them sh*ts just make me feel effin' WORSE. there's only one thing that would make me feel better right now, and I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO IT! because that would be breaking the rules of the game (not my game, mind you!) and i've got to be a good girl and follow the rules.