So..this week, I lost my job, and my grandmother. It was like having all the air knocked out of me TWICE. I was distraught at first, then angry, then sad, then helpless, then distraught again. My mother told me I needed to look at what i still had, and just feel blessed. It's so hard after so much loss though. I feel like all my plans for the future have come to a staggering halt. Things were coming together for me, only to suddenly fall apart.
School starts next week and I'm stressed about money, so i'm looking for a new job. Yet another part of me just wants to be cheap and live off of unemployment, eat cup a noodle all day, and spend all my extra money on drugs and tattoos. The life i left behind for work and commitment suddenly looks familiar and safe to me, and it's oh so tempting.
Right now, I'm not giving in though. I've applied for unemployment, but I'm also looking for a new job. I am eating a big bowl of black berries instead of microwaved noodles. I am not about to waste my time or money on drugs. I am going to try to be positive, find a hobby, help my parents, work on myself. Because, there must be something off about me. I couldn't have lost my job so suddenly without reason. If they won't tell me why, then I guess i'll just have to look inward, and find out for myself.