Hello to one and all.
Obviously, I'm new to this site and I wanted to introduce myself. PREPARE ... It's a bit long, but I want to give a pretty candid picture of myself and my life in order for you to understand why I've chosen to take this path at this time in my life.
My upbringing was very strict and the house was ruled on fear and mind games. I've suffered from bipolar, some form of social/anxiety disorder, addictive personality and have some OCD issues for as long as I can remember. I couldn't wait to leave home and did so at 20 yrs. old. Mistakes have been made and lessons have been learnt. I've been married, divorced and now single for the past 20 years. Out of my marriage came my son (my biggest success in life). I LOVE being a parent and I was born when my son was born. I took a lot of luggage from my up-bringing into parenting him, but I learned to be guided by his needs. When my son was 7 yrs. old I took him out of mainstream school and educated him at home. What a great experience that was - I got to spend all my time with this beautiful human being doing things that he wanted to do. Time passed, my son excelled in all he did, he went to college (with no GCSE's ...) and he now has a full time job and works exceedingly hard at it despite all the travelling involved. He's a credit to both himself and I and just proves that I can get something right.
The past 2 years have not been the best for me. 2010 brought a lot of changes at work and pressure became a daily occurence and I was stressed ALL the time. Everyone had to re-interview for their jobs (interviews are NOT something I'm good at and always guarantees me being going into total meltdown - seriously). I failed my interview and I was demoted. I fought the decision and got my position back. But while all this was going on, I received a phonecall in November from a relative saying that my mum had passed away. The news affected me a lot more that I thought as I'd not spoken to, nor seen my mum (or dad) for about16 years. Then, 4 months later, in March 2011, I received a phone call to say that my dad had taken his own life. Again the news affected me more that I thought it would. They had both gotten lung Cancer, and after seeing his wife suffer, my dad didn't want to go through it - he shot himself.
After much confusion and soul searching, I came to the conclusion that I was affected so much because I realized that I was right in walking away from my family all those years ago because THEY REALLY DIDN'T CARE. For me, the fact that they didn't contact me when my mum was ill to try and put things right, said it all. It was THE final chance for them - and they never took it. It still sometimes upsets me as it's probably one of the biggest rejections a person has to deal with.
My health has been slowly declining - especially in the last year due to many, many, many years of abusing alcohol. I had constant pain in my hip and in my sciatic region. More recently, my knee began troubling me and it was progressively getting worse. I was limping constantly and wasn't able to take my dog on his daily walks. My circulation was terrible, I was having breathing difficulties, I'd wake up in the night with a sudden jolt totally disorientated and left wondering what had just happened (it was scary) - I still don't know what it is, I was loosing hair, I'd put on weight, I had a dull pain in my left side of my chest which radiated down my arm (checks were done for heart problems, but I was given the all clear), I was bleeding heavily when I went to the toilet for a No.2. I got myself an appointment at the hospital for a colonoscopy to be tested for bowel Cancer. I've since been given the all clear.
I had the conversation with my sister and son about finding our dog (Georgie) a new home where he would get all the walks he deserved. I couldn't believe that I'd said that out loud and that I was prepared to give him up. A couple of days later I told my sister and son that Georgie wasn't going anywhere as it had suddenly hit me that it was problably my drinking that was affecting my knee and this was my last attempt to put things right, to get my health in order and keep on walking Georgie - it was up to me to give him what he needed. I decided on this diet as it made the most sense and it would give my body the health it needed to help me with my recovery from alcohol.
That was about 6 weeks ago and Georgie and I walk for up to 2 hours a day now. I no longer have pain in my hip, knee or sciatic area. In fact every thing that was wrong is now right.
I'm still on sick from work and will be for the next 3 weeks and it's something that is definitely needed as the recovery from alcohol has not been what I expected. The mental effect has been a struggle and I'm having to learn to live life sober.
I'm still transitioning and currently at 95% HCLFRV but I'm confident in where I'm heading and determined to acheive it - I WILL acheive it.
One thing that this whole cleansing experience has brought back is something that I've wanted to do for years. It's reared it's head so many times over the years and it won't go away unless I do it. The thoughts are about moving to a sunny climate and help in getting a community up and running. I'm comfortable with manual work and like keeping busy, helping people and getting a sense of acheivement (not just for the acheivement, but for the acheivement of something useful). Who knows? When I get my finances sorted, maybe I'll get to step on the next rung of my ladder. This is the begining of my new life ........
And in that, I'll leave you with my favourite proverb: An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post