30 Bananas a Day!

Today is one of those occasional days when I really get down on myself. They don't happen as often as they used to, but I guess that they're still here. 

I've been trying to work on my mental health lately, since I had neglected it for so long. But I find myself pulled in opposite directions--between the ambitious, driven side and the side that encourages relaxation, rest, no stress. I call the former the lazy side. And I don't think that I like it. At all. 

At times like this, I get this horrible, sickening feeling of guilt that's difficult to shake off. I haven't vigorously exercised now for three consecutive days--out of my own CHOICE. And it's spring break. I have no excuses. I used to exercise first thing in the morning, but now I down a twelve-banana smoothie first thing. I'm constantly eating and eating, and slacking on exercise. Today, I decided to try to run after dinner, but then found myself horribly full after stuffing myself so much and eating a whole avocado with my salad. I feel sick and gross now, and in such a poor mood that I'm passing up going to a 7:50pm movie with my family. I hope that I can exercise before bed. I'm really really itching to, but I have to wait for my food to digest and for my stomach to feel better. 

During my eating disorder I was so strong-willed. I miss that. I'm not even as hard-working at school work now. I could have gotten so much done over spring break. But now it's over, and I'm rushing to get everything done. I'm such a procrastinator. 

For so long I've battled with this control issue. Relaxing all the time does not make me happy. But I still get stressed when I take the time to exercise and do all of my school work, because I have so much less time. What can I do? I'm sure that there's a balance, but it's so hard to find. I think that I have it sometimes, but not days like this one.

I just have to take a deep breath. Tonight, while I'm home alone, I can get some homework done, and then run or do strength or whatever when I'm ready. It's going to be okay. I'll wake up happy tomorrow and start over.

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Comment by Kelsie on July 18, 2013 at 5:12pm

This happens to me as well, I got out of my eating disorder about 2 years now and even though I feel so lively and vibrant on this lifestyle I still believe my body is finding it's balance and healing - after mistreating our bodies and not providing them with what they need to nourish each and every organ and cell we need to be prepared, when making the decision that it time for ourselves to heal, to give it time.. both physically and mentally we need to rest and heal. I have days like this and sometimes even weeks, but I know everything will be okay if I surround myself with positive people and eat fresh and ALIVE foods. I truly believe that fruit, vegetables and raw foods in an abundance will radiate through our bodies and liven us. We didn't get our bodies where they are today in a short amount of time so we need to keep on progressing and become more vibrant and alive. I'm not trying to give you a lecture but It is just a subject that really touches close to home for me because I really do know what it is like sometimes and it's really not nice, obviously we are not exactly the same but I want you to know that you are not alone and there is always light surrounding you if you make sure you always keep your eyes and your heart open. Love and Light xo

Comment by Shananana-Bananana on March 27, 2013 at 8:10pm

Thank you all for your kind and caring words. It's just that I need to vent when I get in a poor mood--I find that it helps to cleanse out the negative thoughts. (:

Comment by Adam Stake on March 20, 2013 at 10:54am

It sounds like you just need to talk to somebody like me. If you want to talk about whats going on and just download on someone who is calm and relaxed then let me know.

Comment by Katt on March 18, 2013 at 12:34am

relaxing is good, its not lazy, esp if you are used to driving yourself at a very fast pace.  It actually takes some  control to relax and not be doing and  doing constantly.. and to quiet the mind

its ok to have a time out from a hectic schedule  :-)  im sure you will find your balance soon

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