30 Bananas a Day!

My boyfriend and I are not getting along. The main problem is our personality differences, and me being more disatisfied and irritable. I'm bored and lonely. I'm not working (though really want to soon!), not in school, in a small town to be with him, and don't know anyone in this town.

When my bf comes home from work, he just wants to spend the whole night on his computer (even though he does that at work) and acts annoyed and restless when I try to just chill and talk with him. He almost always prefers his games over spending time with me. He also tends to be insensitive and dislikes me if I'm not at my best and being fun. If I'm having trouble, he just shuts me out. It's like theres no emotional bond, or NEED to be with me... that usually develops in relationships. For him, it's more like, "why be around each other if it's not fun?" I mean, good quesion. It's sort of like a kid. They just want to have fun, not sit around and cuddle and hold deep discusions or talk about feelings. (not that you should have TOO much of the latter).

I'm a very social being. Think I'm craving being around animals lately, because I'm missing that affection and love. The way my dog follows me around and just wants to be with me!

I've decided to move back home with my family, back in Iowa, so I can at least be around people who like to socialize (including my sister who is my best friend) and be around our 3 dogs, and I do have 1-2 friends there, and its a larger town with more opportunity for work and friends.

I know what other changes I need to make... I've been trying. I need to work and start school, so that I can have purpose to my day and not rely on people (or my bf) for getting fulfillment.

I've also been attempting to volunteer, and socialize more when I can. It's hard for me to keep a healthy, "normal" balanced life having BPD. I'm afraid of a lot of things, there are so many triggers out there in the world, when you are sensitive and had bad experiences. Having anxiety, and (now just) mild depression... makes it a little hard to get out of the house, but I have to make my life more FULL, cause as of lately, it feels pretty EMPTY.

<3 Sabrina, in a rut

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Comment by DURIANRIDER on November 13, 2009 at 10:06am
you know if your partner prefers playing video games over spending time with you, thats you dont have a relationship worth maintaining.

things in life serve their purpose and its time to move on. trying to stay in a shoe that we have grown out of just creates damage for foot and shoe.

have the courage to be honest to him and tell him its over and its time for friendship. write down a list of what you want in a partner and then write down what you have to become in order to obtain that caliber of person and SUSTAIN the relationship.

having a list is vital. otherwise we just get whatever shows up. heck, that could even be super mario itself! :)

surround yourself with people that are on the same track as you. this is the main way to become better in life, as we always raise to the expectations of our peer group. so choose peer group with higher standards than you already have.
Comment by Maltron on November 12, 2009 at 11:38pm
sounds like a good idea
Comment by Coco on November 12, 2009 at 2:33pm
It sounds like you're making some good decisions. I also moved back home, and although it wasn't the most appealing option it has brought a lot of insight to the issues I'm working through day by day. It has been the first step to my spiritual growth. I watched your videos and really enjoyed them, I was really confused about the validity of this diet and you inspired me to get back to it so I should thank you for that! It seems we have a lot of similar obstacles. I know we can both do it!!

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