My boyfriend and I are not getting along. The main problem is our personality differences, and me being more disatisfied and irritable. I'm bored and lonely. I'm not working (though really want to soon!), not in school, in a small town to be with him, and don't know anyone in this town.
When my bf comes home from work, he just wants to spend the whole night on his computer (even though he does that at work) and acts annoyed and restless when I try to just chill and talk with him. He almost always prefers his games over spending time with me. He also tends to be insensitive and dislikes me if I'm not at my best and being fun. If I'm having trouble, he just shuts me out. It's like theres no emotional bond, or NEED to be with me... that usually develops in relationships. For him, it's more like, "why be around each other if it's not fun?" I mean, good quesion. It's sort of like a kid. They just want to have fun, not sit around and cuddle and hold deep discusions or talk about feelings. (not that you should have TOO much of the latter).
I'm a very social being. Think I'm craving being around animals lately, because I'm missing that affection and love. The way my dog follows me around and just wants to be with me!
I've decided to move back home with my family, back in Iowa, so I can at least be around people who like to socialize (including my sister who is my best friend) and be around our 3 dogs, and I do have 1-2 friends there, and its a larger town with more opportunity for work and friends.
I know what other changes I need to make... I've been trying. I need to work and start school, so that I can have purpose to my day and not rely on people (or my bf) for getting fulfillment.
I've also been attempting to volunteer, and socialize more when I can. It's hard for me to keep a healthy, "normal" balanced life having BPD. I'm afraid of a lot of things, there are so many triggers out there in the world, when you are sensitive and had bad experiences. Having anxiety, and (now just) mild depression... makes it a little hard to get out of the house, but I have to make my life more FULL, cause as of lately, it feels pretty EMPTY.
<3 Sabrina, in a rut