30 Bananas a Day!

Kindness with boundaries

by VIBRANT VICTORIA on OCTOBER 3, 2012[EDIT]

I don’t like my neighbor next door to me. I can’t stand the guy. He can appear nice but then he gets to drinking and turns into a complete ass. I was nice to him for a couple years after I moved in here. There was a couple of instances where he would be drunk and go off on me. One time he told me that he was going to poison my garden. Another time he went off on my boyfriend at the time when I had a fire pit in the yard about the smoke getting in his house. When I got home from work and heard about it, I went over to his house and told him that I didn’t want him to go into any more tyrants on me or my family. I said that if he had a problem he could come over and talk to us in a kind manner.

That didn’t work because the next outburst was on my daughter. He saw her outside and told her that if her cat goes in his yard again he was going to kill it. She came inside very upset and got me. I went outside to talk to the guy and he was in a complete out of control rage. I told him that he was upsetting a little girl and he needed to calm down and knock it off or I would call the police. He didn’t calm down, instead he said he didn’t care about my daughter and he was going to kill all the cats in the neighborhood, the he started yelling at the neighbor kids and telling them he was going to kill their dog.

I called the police. They came and he went into a rage on them. They hauled him in and since they found marijuana in his house they charged him with that as well. I got a call the next day from someone from the courts saying that the judge gave him an automatic no contact order  because of his past history of violence and that he was to stay 20 feet from me and my family. Also if he said one word to me I was to immediately call the police and he would get an automatic 3 years in jail. The no contact order was for 1 year.He was very good about honoring the order. I didn’t hear one word from him, which was fantastic!

That was 3 years ago. This summer he started waving at me when I would ride by, which he can since the order has been off for 2 years. I’ve been ignoring him and not waving back. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this situation. He is obviously trying to make peace, but I don’t trust him at all. I don’t want him back in my life, on the other hand I don’t like ignoring people and acting like a bitch.

So the other night I figured out a plan. There is no reason I cannot make peace and wave back or even say hi back to him. Though, I will not initiate conversation and the second he starts into one of his tyrants I will call the police. I can be kind with very strict boundaries. I will not let him near my daughter or into my yard, but I don’t have to be cruel. This is a great opportunity for me to be able to practice kindness with boundaries.

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