30 Bananas a Day!

I screwed up, and so did the two most importent people in my life...

So.. Long time no see. I've really missed you all in here. I love that I can be honest with everyone. And how supportive you are! :D 

Well, to start on this subject, I really screwed up during the summer. I totally fell of the wagon. 

In the spring my boyfriend though 6 years broke up with me. Ofcourse I was very sad, but I was dealing with the pain, and going to be okay. - Still eating pretty good at the time.

Then one month after the breakup I got the news, that my ex and my BEST GIRLFRIEND had slept together, and now would start a relationhip. He had already meet her family since she still live at home with them and they were just SOOOOOO in love with eachother.. 

At this point I broke down... My life shattered and I didn't feel like I had the ability to change any of it! I were just placed right in the middel of this, with nothing to say, still living with my ex, since there was a 3 month expiering at our appartment. So I couldn't even get away. 

It has really ruined my summer, seeing them so happy, when I just fell more and more apart every day. 

It's not even two months ago they started their relationship and allready they have meet eachothers families, and been on an family vacation together, and his moving to the dead end of the country just to be near her.. 

It sucks. I know I should just let him go, but after 6 years of ups and downs, and even starting this lifestyle together, it's really difficult for me. I just have to admit that I still love him. :/ A lot.. 

But now I feel readdy to get happy again! I try not to care too much about them. So the first of september I'm moving home with my parents until I can get a job, and start eating great again! 

I WANT MY LIFE BACK NOW !

And I am going to get it. :)

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Comment by ednshell on August 26, 2012 at 10:16am

And I am going to get it. :)

 

Right on! :D

Comment by Alexa on August 25, 2012 at 4:28am

Wow, I'm sure that was very difficult for you to endure. You are a strong woman to come out at the top of it though and decide to not let it keep you down. I love a particular saying from a book, it goes ''For every loss/failure, there is a seed of equivalent or greater benefit'' , and I really think this applies to your situation. Begin looking at it in a new light. Be happy for these ones you love that they have found happiness with eachother and leave yourself out of it. Perhaps it was the selfless you that agreed to be the one to bring these two together, even if it meant temporary pain for yourself. That is really what unconditional love is, And just remember, this is an experience you already have gone through, so you have all the knowledge you need now to overcome it. You also are a good reserve for all the other people who will have something similar happen to them. You can carve a path to the light and help countless people turn a negative situation into a positive one. I recommend not thinking about yourself in the situation so much, and rather thinking of the ot others who are going through the same thing, and what you would like for them, as you can relate to the pain and would no less want happiness and peace of mind for these people. In doing that, you will not only fullfill yourself, but every other person who you can relate to.

Comment by Luciano Armani on August 25, 2012 at 3:21am

so two people you say you love love each other, and you are in pain. I think this is a wonderful opportunity for you, to really change that mental scheme that most people have, and for good.

i hope i do not come out too harsh, and wish you the best.

Comment by Chris P. on August 25, 2012 at 2:24am

Oh Amalie, I send hugs to you! Sometimes life can seem so cruel! Hang in there though, because along with my greying (*gasp*) hair comes the sure knowledge that things really do get better. I've been through a few cycles myself and although they are NOT fun, they do pass and make room for new and better things to take their place in your life!

 I am really glad you have family nearby so you can move out of that situation, to be honest it makes my blood simmer, why couldn't that fellow have broken things off with you. moved out and not involved your friend? I am sure that you do love him, but my notion is that he is not really worthy of it from you right now. I am never one for closing doors all the way, because, well things and people do change, but that said, I also think it's best to act according to data and the data you have right now seems to point towards the fact that you are doing exactly the right thing in removing yourself from that situation.

Yeah just move on yourself and live your life! Be sure that you ARE worthy of love and be kind to your body. As things go on the inside they go on the outside, resist the temptation to hate yourself and punish yourself (like by eating poorly, etc) because of a decision others made. You will be happy and you will do wonderful things. I hope you get to spend a lot of quality time with your parents and get a lot of love and hugs!

I am still furious with your ex and your "friend"! I am going to have to go hug my daughter now, so I can stop feeling angry! LOL!

P.S. It sucks! But I'm glad it happened now and not much later after marriage or after children, etc. Hang in there, you'll see, wonderful things are on the way!

Comment by Bluecat2012 on August 25, 2012 at 1:37am

Hi Amalie remember you are not responsible there is certain stages you have to go through emotionally. It's like losing someone to death you have to feel certain things.

You take as much time you need to sort yourself out you are with it. You didn't mention if you guys were serious like engaged to be married or just dating? Move on and live life!!!

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