30 Bananas a Day!

Still writing lots. This is good. Today I'm feeling pretty emotional. I don't know...

Had a good jog again this morning, and a ride later in the day. But this arvo and evening I haven't felt like much. Just emotional.

Does anyone else not like going out to social events at night anymore since going raw? Or is it just wierd lil me?

I want to overcome this. I want to go out without worries anymore. I cannot figure out if Im tired or worried about something or what.

In positive news, my nails have grown really long and they are REALLY strong since this nana thing.

I think I'm lonely, yet I don't feel like seeing anyone.

Shall just sit and witness my emotions, and try to understand myself better.

I want to see if I'm still relying on food emotionally. Could I possibly? I was pretty sure I'd overcome issues. I've learnt so much. Beaten so much. Worked hard.

Still determined on this journey! Love all of you xxxx

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Comment by Jessica on January 15, 2009 at 8:56am
teehee good point mish. Looks like dance classes are the way to go! xx
Comment by mish on January 15, 2009 at 8:50am
hey sister, surprises will happen when you stop worrying! life will flow to you. people that are meant for you will come to you and love when you are open. free. uninhibited. RELAX! do what you are doing and your cycles will cycle thru. you cant force it. i was holed up and depressed and isolated and hermity from April 08 to Nov 08. when i naturally cycled out of that mess I started going to a freestyle dance group and met a super sweet vegan guy! Im going on date # 4 tonight. i met my best friend on GI2MR by searching Los Angeles. when it is time you will lead the way and do more than ok!
(ah, I just saw it says dance class below!! )
Comment by Jessica on January 15, 2009 at 8:33am
Helena, thank you so much for sharing! I feel less lonely that I'm definately not alone in this feeling! I need to make more hippy friends- love hippy types *think i am kinda one* but all the ones I know are smokers n drinkers. gah! Dance class sounds like a beautiful idea! Do you have many of your old friends who drink n smoke still? Where does one allocate these people in their life? I'm struggling with that cuz its practically everyone in my life *apart from maybe 3 or so people* lol. Ahh beautiful people all the same. Its true though, should give myself a break.

Free, oooh saucy! I guess u never know! I hope so ;)
Comment by Helena on January 15, 2009 at 4:45am
Awww, Jess, I'm sorry you're feeling low & lonely (although today is a new day and hopefully you're feeling much better now :-).

I noticed the same 'lonely but don't feel like being with anyone else' thing you mention in myself; it seems to go with low energy for me, and is probably my being's way of getting me to rest and focus on healing without distracting myself with company. I don't know how it is for you, but when I feel like this I tend to exacerbate it by imagining that everyone else is out have a great time and there's something wrong with me because I'm not. I must stop this! The times when I manage to just accept and breathe through it instead of 'thinking it worse' often end up feeling quite beautiful; they're the perfect time for self-nurturing (or just going to bed super-early so you can sleep through the angst!).

Also, I don't know what socialising in the evening involves for you, but if it's a scene where others are drinking etc, maybe there's just a bit of a gap in your life at the moment for friends who like to do the same things you do. Give yourself a break - it can be hard to find our 'tribe'. I find dance classes good for socialising with 'normal' people 'cos everyone's too busy dancing to drink. Also, having hippy mates that don't drink much and would rather walk, talk and dance is fantastic.

And having said all that, I try to be in bed by 10pm, so I don't have that great an evening social life myself :-P

You are beautiful and radiant and becoming more so every day.

And congrats on the nails - despite having struggled with depression for most of my life there has never been a time when I didn't feel at least a tiny bit better if something in my physical appearance looked good :-P

Love

Helena
Comment by TheBananaGirl on January 14, 2009 at 10:06pm
Hey babe i feel u may meet a lucky boy off here :-)) Keeping a look out.....x
Comment by Jessica on January 14, 2009 at 7:53pm
Oh I'm relieved I'm not the only one! Since going raw I've been single the entire time- pretty funny considering I was always attached (probably too much so, usually overlapping, not very monogamous) beforehand. How will I ever get out there again if I don't wanna get OUT THERE!!?!?! lol
ahh I laugh so that I do not cry :p

Yay for the nails! Im sure my bike handles will challenge them though ;)
Comment by TheBananaGirl on January 14, 2009 at 7:50pm
Yes i definitely avoid going out to social things if they are mainstream, I would much prefer to be in bed then in a seedy club/pub/restaurant environment, although i will go to a restaurant and take lots of fruit or not eat anything and its fine. At first it really got to me - the whole social thing and i guess this is part of the reason i created this site, so we can all connect with like-minded people.
Awesome about your nails :-)) Ups and downs will come, just ride the waves of healing babe xx

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