30 Bananas a Day!

day 12 & 13 & 14- Big realisations for me

Ha it's soo funny this post has fallen around the 13th day :) I have had a lovely and enlightening few days. day 12 I worked at another wedding, I brought a massive bag of fruit and orange juice with me. Trouble was the work ended up going on for a lot longer then I planned it ended up being a very phisical 15 hour day as opposed to a moderatly active 10 hour day. I totally underestimated my calories for the day and ended up eating very non optimum cooked food at about 11pm
The day afterwards I was a guest at a friends wedding (lots of weddings at the mo!) I don't know why but I decided to eat cooked food at the beggining of the day, I wanted to be able to share the wedding meal with them, I wanted to drink a champagne toast with them, I didn't want to stand out with my food choices and also I felt like a bit of a fraud going 'yeah, I'm a raw food 811er, I cant eat this, I won't eat that etc, I am eating this instead' when I knew the night before I had chomped away on the same kind of grub they were providing. It turned out during the day if I had been more commited I absolutely could have stayed 811, and probably no-one would have even noticed. But I realised I wanted a day off and that was the real reason I didn't stay 811. I had a wonderful time, a really really amazing beutiful day, and it was fun for me to do 'naughty' things like have a few glasses of wine and eat a piece of cake. The next day I expected to feel like death but I actually felt really good! I went for a walk, sunbathed, watched lots of films, and ate healthy, high raw, some cooked food. Also over the last 3 days I have visibly lost weight and my skin is glowing! I think my calorie consumpton has been lots lower, and I suppose my detox has been put on hold to cope with the new toxins! Also I suppose being happy can do wonders with how you look...
I have realised some very major things.
The first is that it is not fair to continue with this 811 30 day trial. I haven't stuck to 811 very well at all, so it is not a fair assesment of this lifestyle, I will try again to do a proper 811 30 day trial when I am ready.
The second big thing I have learnt from this has been being able to look at what I thought was emotion/binge eating. This site has changed my life in that I now realise what I thought was emotional eating, lack of will power blah is simply the body needing more fuel. When I have deviated from my ideal diet over the last few weeks I havn't felt guilty, I hav'nt beaten myself up for it, and I havn't had that nerve wracking 'this is the last time you can eat this food so you may as well eat as much of it as you can and then start again tommorow'. I have listened to my body and thought ' well you blew it a bit today and havn't given you enough fuel... sorry! so now you have eaten some cooked food cos you wanted dense calories. Oh well, eat more fruit, prepare better next time, it's ok' THIS IS SOOOOOOO LIBERATING!!! The amount of time I have been stuck in loop fasting, binging, raw food, cooked food, ideal diet, nightmare diet... Crazy. Realising I just need to eat enough good food and not be afraid of that, is a miracle and it has changed the way I see myself, and has given me freedom.
The third thing I have realised is that 811 is as easy as you make it. I think if you are ready to make changes in your lifestyle it could be pretty easy to transition to 811 overnight. What I have realised is that I am not there yet. I still want to work at weddings occasionally and I can't guarantee I can always bring enough fruit therfore I am likely to eat something cooked no matter how much I intellectually would rather eat something else.
I still want to eat out at restaurents and sometimes I don't want to order a salad (although this trial has made me realise that sometimes I DO want salad and I CAN order that and feel happy!!!) Sometimes I would rather fit in socially and I am still not ready to put my health above all else, all the time.
I don't want to spend all my money on fruit! I enjoyed going out to gigs, the cinema, travelling etc and in the last two weeks all I have been able to afford is eating alot of lovely fruit.... Tasty, makes me feel nice, makes me poop alot! But it was nice to have some expendable income!
This all sounds quite negative or even against the 811 journey but I assure you it isn't I have total respect for all the LFRV longtermers and aspirants and thank every one for their support. But it is a HUGE deal for me to be able to be honest enough with myself to say I'm just not there yet, and feel GOOD about that.
Since I learnt about raw foods a few years ago I have battled with food and eating and health for the first time in my life. I got it into my head about THE IDEAL DIET, and it has become a bit of an obsession for me. I can now see that although intellectually it makes absolute sence, other parts of me just aren't there yet, and that has left me torn, confused and suffering. The reality is if I wanted to be 100% Raw or 100% LFRV I would be DOING it not TRYING to do it. I need to want it all the time, and the truth is simply don't. But to realise that I don't have to eat the perfect diet is amazing.
I always want to eat well, and right lifestyle and nutrition is something I will always do up to a much higher point then the average person. To realise I don't have to be 100% and that is ok is amazing :)
I am now at a place where I want to eat Low Fat High Raw Vegan food. I will have baked potatoes and grains, give myself leeway socially and commit to something more sustainable for me at the moment, where I can eat well and feel happy about my choices and not where I feel I am breaking my own rules all the time, and not understanding why. I am going to keep up the exercise, keep up the meditation and be dicerning about the choices I make about where I work, who I surround myself with, where I live etc. I want to become healtheier and more vibrant as a whole being. And for me this means shifts in more then just what I am eating.... Saying that I will stay low fat as it makes sence for soo many health reasons. I will stay as raw as possible, cos it feels great and tastes great too, I will stay vegan as ethically it is the way to be (although I need to work on my cheese addiction!) And this I commit to long term. So my 30 day trial has been a bit of a failure, yet I really feel like I have won! I have learnt soo much about myself in the last 2 weeks it's been amazing! I hope others of you reading this will learn from my experiences and my mistakes also.
Once again, thanks to everyone who has commented and supported me through this.
Love and Light! Aum!

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