What is fear to me?...
not jumping on the train today to go to a recording studio, to grab the opportunity of a free hour of recording professionally in studio.
wondering what I look like when I move... when I sit in front of that mic, having the sound guy listen to my voice... my mistakes... watching my fat cheeks while I sing.
sitting there with my guitar on my lap... feeling the fat around my waist touch the wood...
sitting there... with the mic in front of my face, knowing that I have fat under my chin...
not getting into the car, driving to that venue, getting on stage with my guitar to do a free gig.. an open mic.
standing in front of strangers, feeling larger than the stage...
not singing my songs with passion, because I'm afraid they look at me and think how fat I am.
not getting that free ride to London... not getting that free tube ride to Camden... not turning up at a venue where raw foodies are sitting, waiting, watching...
not playing that festival I was invited to gig... not turning up because I'm having a fat day, again... like yesterday and the day before... which was like the day before that... and the day before and last week... last month.
fear... will this work?
fear... will I keep getting my comfort?
fear... what if I fail?
fear... what if I don't feel like exercising today because I feel fat?
fear... what if no one likes me?
fear... what if what if what if...
life is on pause at the moment. Why? Because of fear?