30 Bananas a Day!

I could go on about this for ages:

Yeah, so this one is sort of less important and yet I feel it should be equally important. Actually, this discussion is really about what's eating me right now. My major life decisions I feel would be a breeze if I didn't have people like my Dad frowning upon my very existence. lol ok I'm exaggerating. But it doesn't feel like it

I have a lot of anger towards him and so I don't talk to him unless I have to. I avoid face time with my family as best I can when he is around. He is developing alzheimers (eats tons of fish, drinks very heavily when no one's watching and recently revealed a diet coke addiction so no surprise there) and gets aggravated and upset for reasons I don't understand. He runs his mouth about anything negative he can say to me all the time. Maybe this is why I have a super-submissive personality.

I hope that draws a picture of the relationship I have with him. I don't want to talk about it any more.

Can anyone relate or something? I have tried counseling but I want something deeper. I want to look within myself for the solutions. He is a really good guy and definitely needs help but I don't know how to get the message across. My family is all half-braindead it seems. I won't get into it. Maybe I just wanted to vent. Or to make a little bit of myself known to whichever of you, my dear friends, may read this.

I love you guys. I'm a little lonely trying to hide from the angry man all the time, and trust, I am ready to leave, but while I'm living with him for the next few months, I want to have the best effect that I can.

Thanks for reading. Also know I am really happy in general and I am enjoying the hell out of life. The issue with my damn old man is definitely the worst thing in my life right now. That and the water crisis, lol

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Comment by BananaStatesofMurica! RAW OR DIE on January 7, 2014 at 11:19pm

Hello friend,

I'm glad you posted this even though it is not directly related to food, it is definitely connected to lifestyle decisions that we all have to make.

There are lots of detached, abusive, and distant fathers...in fact its almost become the norm. Even highly successful ceo's and respected members of the outside world often earn their money at great cost of not seeing their families much, which is essentially the same as leaving them to fend for themselves in a lot of day to day situations. 

Some people will tell you "seek happiness elsewhere" or "don't let it effect you" (haven't read the other comments in the thread yet so not directed at anyone here), I completely disagree.

Basically we all need guidance, parenting, and role models. We don't hit a certain age and suddenly "grow up", it takes time, it is a process, and it is impossible to grow on our own. What you feel is something real. The Christian perspective (I'm not speaking for all Christians nor do I want to, but I think there is some value in sharing this) recommends that you find a real life role model.

What this looks like is surprisingly simple...look in your community for an older man who you respect. This is a person who his words, money, or influence over other people don't define him....look at his integrity, actions, relationships with others, and particularly, look closely at how he cares for people he cares about. How does this man treat his family? His friends? His children and other children in general? Raise your standard, redefine what you consider healthy and please don't assume that what you have experienced is what is "the way it has to be", or necessarily normal.

This could be a next door neighbor. Someone at church. A teacher/professor. Or the father of a long time friend. It doesn't have to be anything formal..."Will you be my mentor?"...just spend some time with this person from time to time and observe...then ask questions. Go to your professor's office hours and volunteer at one of his lectures, or chat with him at a Q & A. Tell a friend that you would like to treat them to a trip, or suggest their father come along on an outing etc etc etc.

I tend to get overly personal about some topics...and this one would be one of them...so for specifics please message me if you like. This is a process that I had to go through. I could list the names of 10 men who helped me out...the most powerful mentor was a man named Rob...once I realized that I needed a mentor is when things began to move more quickly. I would hang out with Rob and his family (met them through working with his wife), and just ask Rob questions and watch how he interacted with his family. It was essentially one of the first times I'd seen a functional family up close and Rob is someone I plan to keep in touch with always. 

Please keep in mind that this is not to in any way diminish or disrespect your father. To the contrary...developing healthy relationships with men in your life will help you grow as a person, and will make it significantly easier to appreciate your father's good qualities. 

If we are out in the freezing cold with no clothes to keep up warm...we don't stay outside and freeze to death. We first seek shelter. Then when we are properly clothes and equipped, we can go back out into that same freezing, snowy environment, and appreciate its majestic beauty.

Comment by Danny on January 7, 2014 at 10:28am

see if you can just sit with him or experience what negative things he says to you without getting upset about it. or, if you do find yourself getting upset/angry over your interaction with him, just see if you can observe the fact you're getting upset and let that be ok.

Comment by Brad Ramsay on January 7, 2014 at 8:15am

Yeah all that time letting dad be superior to us, now it's time to be adults and not let somebody's negative thoughts get the best of us

Comment by Elisheba on January 7, 2014 at 8:03am

That is a good idea. We have to let go of the anger and negative feelings.

Comment by Brad Ramsay on January 7, 2014 at 7:57am

:-/ I think i'm gonna write him a letter or something.

Comment by Elisheba on January 7, 2014 at 7:46am

My father used to criticize me a lot. Now, I started helping him with some money from time to time and he stopped criticizing instead he keeps asking for more money or stuff he sees at my house. 

He is sick and I try not to upset him but the way he demands stuff makes me angry.


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