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Rebeccaj's Blog (14)

The Curse of the Hard-Core

I'm seeing something happening here on 30BaD that makes me nervous...



I am a certified Bikram yoga teacher. When I got my certification 7 years ago, Bikram was just starting to really super-emphasize "the dialog," the written script for teaching his classes. Most of the senior teachers who led our teacher training had never had to learn "the dialog" in order to be certified, and they taught us how to be creative and spontaneous within the dialog, how to use it as a tool, and how to… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on September 7, 2009 at 12:08am — 5 Comments

Progress

I was just listening to a Bonnie Raitt song, "Guilty," that has a line in it that has always had a HUGE resonance with me:



"you know how it is with me, baby.

you know i just can't stand myself.

it takes a whole lot of 'medicine,' darlin,

for me to pretend i'm somebody else..."



man, the first time i heard those lines, back when i was still drinking, still eating anything, still livin' the SAD life, those lines of that song were like my life story - they said… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on August 16, 2009 at 5:24am — No Comments

falling in love again, what am i to do??? i can't help it...

falling in love with myself again. watching as the pieces of my puzzle are fitting miraculously back together again, without any special effort on my part - just observing and marveling at how incredible it all is. and really, how easy. it's so easy. trying to cheat the pieces into place, trying to analyze or make things happen - that's hard. it's so hard. but sitting back and observing, that's really really easy.



so i don't know what to do about my addictions. i don't know what to… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on July 29, 2009 at 10:35am — 2 Comments

today i am really really angry

i'm furious, actually. i'm so angry i don't even know where to turn. i'm shouting and yelling and feel like i could pound something into dust. i'm angry AT MY LIFE. not at me - more like it's on behalf of me, if that makes any sense. and if it doesn't, sfw, it's my anger, it's my life that's let me down, not yours so bugger off!



that's the mood i'm in. i don't want to see the blessings, i don't want to be all peace and love in the moment, i don't want to be softness and… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on July 23, 2009 at 4:09am — 3 Comments

Sore Belly

Today is Day 4 without any evil chips!! Very proud of myself, definitely feeling the effects. i had a bunch of pistachios last night and woke up this morning with such a sore stomach. Right now I feel like a punching bag. Will this experience be enough to make me learn my lesson? Will I remember this the next time my emotional poise slips below my radar?

I'm exhausted. Nap time.

Added by rebeccaj on July 13, 2009 at 7:33am — 2 Comments

Foolish, foolish girl

I amaze myself at how foolish I can be. I was doing so well, and then I allowed myself to get sidetracked and off the wagon and wallow in my addictions and feeling sorry for myself. And now, I pay the price. The most painful cycle I've had in a long time, my poor body desperate to get rid of this misery, this pile up of toxins. I hate it. No more. No more. I love myself and my life way more than this.

Added by rebeccaj on July 10, 2009 at 12:33am — 6 Comments

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!

I'm a closeted HUGE Harry Potter fan. Huge. I've read all the books at least a dozen times each. And although it's not my favorite book, I love Mad-Eye Moody (albeit he's an impostor) in Book 4, barking out "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!" I am seeing now how that can apply to my own life.



Being raw - 811rv - isn't hard. People think it is or should be, but it's not. But it does require Constant Vigilance. You have to be vigilant about your habits and routines to make sure that you eat enough… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on June 19, 2009 at 12:53pm — 5 Comments

I fell off the wagon, and now I know why!!!

I had been undereating calories for a few weeks, what with traveling and getting sketchy fruit and having a weird schedule, and then being exposed to cooked food and being HUNGRY. i don't count that as falling off - that's just being unprepared and needing to feed myself. what happened later is what I call "falling off the wagon." here's what happened:



I've hit some really lousy, hard, low financial trenches. I'm in a bad place. It's really not good. And when I hit it, it took my… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on June 18, 2009 at 1:17pm — 6 Comments

little miracles

my nails are long, hard as rocks, and refuse to chip!!! this is bizarre to say the least - I've always had those soft, flimsy nails that snag and tear and peel, and now they are longer than they've ever been, and no signs of any weaknesses showing up. it's freaky to feel these claws at the end of my fingers. i like it, but it's wacko.



there's been a lot of chatter on the forums lately about beauty and weight loss/gain and all these things, and it reminds me of a theory I… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on June 7, 2009 at 4:53pm — No Comments

I'm really depressed

I'm writing this in full knowledge of the fact that anybody on the internet can read it, that people from other sites can read it. Maybe I hope they will. I don't know. I'm just really depressed.



I'm depressed because living 811 is the only thing that has ever brought me relief from my depression, and it's regarded like a cult. I'm depressed because my passion for this way of living is spilling over into everything that I do, and I can't really do anything that isn't in line with it.… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on May 21, 2009 at 7:30am — 2 Comments

still gassy

it's the weirdest phenomenon. i stop eating - not on purpose, just happens this way - around 6.30 pm. somewhere 2-3 hours later, the gas begins. I feel it in my left-side, where the transverse colon bends into the descending, a tight bubble of discomfort under my rib cage. and then the burping begins. nice.



twice today I had the weirdest feeling, too, to go along with the weirdest phenomenon. a bright, sharp, tingling sensation in my descending colon, a quick flurry of feelings,… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on May 15, 2009 at 1:43pm — 1 Comment

So Proud of My BF I Could Just POP!

my sweet, SAD, cooked omni BF is finally showing that he's been listening to me! He had a photo shoot today with a young, aspiring professional cheerleader (fake boobs, no brain, the whole bit), who "needs to lose some weight" before her tryouts. So she is going to put herself on a 12-day unsupervised water fast and then go to pro cheerleading camp! I hope we don't hear about her on the news. Anyway, he knows nothing about water fasts, but knows enough to know that you don't do that kind of… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on May 14, 2009 at 4:49pm — 3 Comments

I think I've finally figured it out!!!

I've been struggling with this mental block for so long. I hate it. It's the block that rationalizes all my cooked food indulgences and it shuts down my true wisdom and my true desires. I hate it. (and yes, I know, "hate" is a strong word. I'm using it here with great intention and clarity to express the strength of this feeling) And I KNOW all the jargon. I KNOW all the tools. I know the Abraham/Hicks perspective, I know the Byron Katie perspective, I know what my energy healer says, I know my… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on April 9, 2009 at 1:05pm — 1 Comment

Falling off the stupid wagon again!!

why??? It just doesn't make sense. Where is the synapse failing, where am I falling down and doing something that is completely opposed to what I want?



Or is it what I really want? I want to be a gorgeous, glowing, lean and strong and skinny fruitarian with boundless energy and incredible personal fortitude. And I want to still be "normal." damn normal.



I hate normal. But yet I want it on some level - to be normal and to be accepted and to be able to go out with friends… Continue

Added by rebeccaj on April 6, 2009 at 12:51pm — 3 Comments

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