This Monday would of been 6 months sober, but last night, I relapsed. It hit me, that my romantic relationship is actually over for good. I was terribly upset yesterday and thought "I just can't live with this." When I thought about "my life", which really means, "my life situation" it seemed so empty without him. Plus, I had already been choosing to find the negatives in my situation lately anyway... resentful the Winter weather, living with the… Continue
I was planning on eating plain potatoes, green beans and rice during the Thanksgiving meal. But when I was in the kitchen, seeing the food just really turned me off. I didn't want plain, dry potatoes and I definitely didn't want to watch them eat turkey :( So, I just grabbed one of the smoothies I made before hand (made 3,000 calories worth upon waking) and went upstairs. They seemed bothered by this, especially since they assumed I was going to eat with them. But, they also understood. I don't… Continue
But mostly, sweet, gentle hearts and warm, genuine, interactions.
Today at the library, an older gentleman asked me for help on the computer. I said "sure," not knowing what he wanted help with. Then he said (in his accent) that he wanted to message some women and he pointed to the yahoo personals matches list. I was a little confused, but assumed that he wasn't computer literate. So, I sat… Continue
I can either
float through this stage and keep the pain at a distance
grasps the pain and create more
use it to find true peace and joy
I think we're conditioned to mourn a break up a certain way... in an unhealthy way often. I learned today that my boyfriend is actually completely my ex. I was confused and thought we were just taking a break from talking for a week. lol. silly me.
I know that eating raw is difficult... because of my teeth, money, bordem with only bananas and smoothies, emotional instability, anxiety/insomonia and irritability, having to eat sooo many calories, and so frequently, etc...
Yes, staying on 811, especially during a more emotionally vuneralble time is incredibly hard. However, not doing raw, leaves me more troubled, especially in the long run. If I can find a way to get back on track, and push through the beginning weeks, I know I… Continue
Added by Sabrina on November 17, 2009 at 10:17am —
The past two days have been some of the most important days of this year... maybe even of this life.
After leaving my boyfriend's house, and not really speaking to him the past couple of days, I feared I would fall back into old patterns.
History: I have very strong "borderline" traits that have previously caused chaos, destruction, and depression. When problems arose before, I reacted with stress and desperation. I have been in recovery (from mental illness) for 2 years,… Continue
The new Leno show is awkward during the skype celebrity interviews.
I want to do these things Durian Rider explained on my blog post from yesterday.
"surround yourself with people that are on the same track as you. this is the main way to become better in life, as we always raise to the expectations of our peer group. so choose peer group with higher standards than you already have."
My boyfriend and I are not getting along. The main problem is our personality differences, and me being more disatisfied and irritable. I'm bored and lonely. I'm not working (though really want to soon!), not in school, in a small town to be with him, and don't know anyone in this town.
When my bf comes home from work, he just wants to spend the whole night on his computer (even though he does that at work) and acts annoyed and restless when I try to just chill and talk with him. He… Continue
By the way, I'm working on a whole guide on how to stay raw, more dealing with the emotional challenges. I've got a lot of ideas which is why having struggled so much is a blessing. Now I can share some thing I've learned/am learning!
Wow! I cannot believe I made it through yesterday without cheating. After a terrible night's sleep waking up every 1-2 hours with vivid dreams, sweating and anxious (hypoglycemia), then during the day, feeling irritable, extremely fatigued, sick with aches, pain, naseau, having sweats, then chills, and not to mention, strong cravings and being preoccupied with heavy cooked foods because I couldn't get satisfied off bananas (despite having eaten 25 + other foods, and no activity). Whew, it was a… Continue
... are wanting to follow the changes I've already made. Such as sobriety, extremely improved diet, and increased exercise.
I really don't believe in the traditional American lifestyle. As I'm sure most of you do not either. :)
This is what I see around me (some of which I'm guilty of):
- watching t.v. most of your free time, long internet use, avoidance of outdoors, esp during rough Northern winters, fast food/processed food, wasting, shopping unecessarly, driving… Continue
I'm currently watching the drug documentary "The Oxycontin Express" on Hulu. http://www.hulu.com/watch/100279/vanguard-the-oxycontin-express
Prior to watching this, I was sitting around, worrying about losing control over myself and being frustrated with my life. As I've mentioned before, I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) at 17 while in a mental institute and have a history of substance abuse, attending 2 different rehab programs here in Iowa. Today I have… Continue
I'm feeling strange today and yesterday. The only thing I could say is that the L-tyrosine increase I've been taking, or the fact that my period should be here tomorrow. I just feel strange. I normally take L-tyrosine at about 100mg, but ran out and they only had 500mg. Since my depression could definitely see some improvement, I figured it would be helpful. It was sort of an experiement. The 5-HTP I take is heaven sent. Helps me sleep, feel calm and a sense of well-being. But, I still… Continue