At my new job I am noticing that the only way to really fit in is to party with my co-workers. They go to the bars frequently and are a tight knit group. Does anyone have a suggestion on what to do? How do you deal with the pressure to drink.. I just really don't want to hear that I need to sacrifice socializing with people who don't agree with my preferred diet. Life should be all loving and all inclusive.
Are you loving and inclusive by drinking alcohol? What are your actual ways of being loving and inclusive?
I totally agree with this. Just go out with them, have a water with lemon....maybe a seltzer water with lemon if you're feelin' crazy ; ) and show them you wanna be part of their group by just being part of the conversation and having fun. If anyone asks why you don't drink, just smile and say you're currently trying out a special diet that forbids alcohol. I don't know of any mature adults (ie, people one would want to hang out with) who would press the matter. Who knows, if your colleagues really like to get drunk, they may be glad to have someone sober in the group...you will represent stability, wisdom and a safe ride home, to a greater degree the more drinks they've had : )
Just ask your colleagues a lot of friendly questions about themselves and about work. Flatter them and they will be a lot less likely to criticize you, because we all like someone who likes us ; )
I go out to bars & hang out at parties with friends a lot, they never try to pressure me to drink. We all make a big joke out of it & no one really bothers that I don't drink. Partly cause they probably remember the state I was in when I was drinking all the time & how sick I used to feel on days I didn't drink. But I just hang out with them & drink water or if I'm at my friends sometimes I'll throw some fruit in his juicer & have fruit juice.
Generally the people that are worth being around will accept the way you want to live & not try to force you in to living like them to feel more comfortable. Maybe I'm pretty lucky, because I've got a great group of friends & work colleagues but that's something everyone should strive for in life. Good people will always accept a person for who they are, people that are unhappy in their own lives & bodies will try to make everyone feel like them. My advice find the ones that are willing to let you be yourself & stay away from the ones that don't.
There really is no 'pressure' to drink, it's all a choice. We all have it.
If you want to drink to fit in, go for it! If you don't, don't!
Kinda weird how you say 'I don't want to hear I need to sacrifice... and all loving and all inclusive'. Well, there are some things you want to do and some you don't. You can't have it all, right? You can't go out and drink with the co-workers and have awesome health, right? It's a choice based on our priorities and values.
I completely agree with being loving, and the first loving thing is to be loving to yourself, take care of yourself. Love yourself first, all else follows. By succumbing to peer pressure you are not being loving, you are sacrificing your principles for the sake of others habits, rituals, addictions, desires, etc and seeking their approval. Not sure how loving that is?
There are many ways to 'fit in', many suggestions here already, if that's what you want. Personally I rather not fit with that type of a crowd because I don't have anything in common with them (other than work) and goes against all my principals and values. If they are respectful people, they will respect your decision not to drink or party. You can still enjoy the social aspect without drinking alcohol. Have some water or bring some fresh squeezed oj or grapefruit juice. If not, perhaps a different line of work is something to consider.
Bottom line is that we all have choices.
Wish you all the best on this!
Go to the bars, and order water (or juice, if you're lucky to be at a place where they squeeze OJ on the spot). I've been going to bars for years without ordering alcohol,, and it has nothing to do with 811, I just don't like it.
Just hang out with them if it suits you but don't let a petty thing like peer pressure make you drink.
You are strong enough to follow this lifestyle surely you are strong enough to abstain from alcohol.
Why do you want to fit in with them? It's more liberating and free when you are true to yourself.
This is a very good question. I am a "recovered alcoholic," as they say; meaning that I haven't had a drink for 5 years. I may be a skid-row bum tomorrow, but today I'm a "recovered alcoholic." That's AA talk. Alcoholics Anonymous is the place to learn about people who hang out in bars and pretend to be cool. You can find those same people a few years later in AA meetings--only then they are "recovered alcoholics" and they are "anonymous," like me--so nobody will suspect how bad the situation really is! If you want to learn something about how "cool" these people really are, I would suggest you go to an open AA meeting and talk to some people who were "cool" 5 or 10 years ago--but who are now "recovering from a hopeless state of mind and body."
Another way to learn something about alcoholics is to go to an alanon meeting and listen to their wives and ex-wives talk about the hellatious problems we/they have in relationships. Alanons cry, go to divorce courts, and try to correct the sad problems that alcohol has caused in their helpless families. Alanons are people who don't have a clue that alcoholism is a mental, physical and spiritual disease--that affects jobs, homes, families and mental health.
My suggestion to you is to be grateful that you don't fit in such circles. Maybe take some dance lessons or find a smoke-free, alcohol-free place to dance and socialize. Join the Y or a health club and meet some people who work out. Get a hobby that is "not cool" and is incompatible with drinking, and make some friends there....but stay away from smoky old bars and dance halls.
Lee Mack, (anonymous)
Hey Melissa i am also surrounded by social situations where the main focus is drinking and i know how tough that can be. If you still want to socialize in those situations still you have to learn to be the life of the party without "partying" wich can be tough i know from experience. lately i go to music shows and just drink water but still have an awesome time. you learn to really just enjoy socializing for what it truly is meant to be. And you dont have to be intoxicated for that to happen. Before i go out i like to reinforce why i am not drinking and why it is important to eat healthy, I hope this helps out :)
I ALWAYS rely on the "alcoholism runs in my family" excuse. It's not an overshare, but people tend to respect it. And as long as you are still having a blast and fun to be with, I doubt they'll care.
I forgot to add as well that I work in the film industry and social and work functions ALWAYS revolve around alcohol. I can't tell you how many important meetings I've had over drinks. I don't drink and just don't like it and it has NEVER gotten in the way socially or career wise. So I tend to think that when it seems like a big deal to not drink, it's really because in your own mind it's a thing. Most people don't actually really care that much and will hardly notice if you're confident in your own choices.
Once, I went out on 6 dates with a guy who drank frequently. And on the 6th date he was like... wait, you always get grapefruit juice, do you not drink? And I said no, but we were having so much fun he didn't care at all and neither did I. Just own it. Do whatever you want. People will get on board eventually.