I have those dark spots under eyes, always, my job is 40+ hours per week mon-fri, 7am-4pm at a receiving freight dock. Probably the best job you could ask for other than being financially free; just started a youtube channel but i wan't to get a Garmin bundle and a power-meter for my bike first so i can start my first long solo rides. I feel lucky, but I'm struggling more than i ever have with saving enough time, & money.
But even on the rare occasion in which i find theirs plenty of time for it, getting my ass to just go to bed is one thing that I have always struggled with, I'm also not sleeping well at all, i never sleep through the entire night cause i get up an average of maybe ~4-8 times to pee, and then i always end up eating, sometimes several times. Mornings are very dark, I try to get-up at or between 5:20-5:45am, and try to be riding the 14.5k's to work by 6:00am. It's kind of embarrassing for me to think that i don't eat enough throughout the day, or that im getting it wrong if you look at my meals on Strava and Instagram but obviously my shit is all fucked-up, because i don't have the energy and enthusiasm I see in people like Durianrider, and Drew Rice.
There's so much i want to do that i need to win the time and money for, so many big ideas i have for youtube and the world, so much more fitness, health, and intellect i want to achieve for myself. I'm 23yrs old, still live with parents, i want to live in California or Arizona, i wan't to travel the world. All i really do is Work, Ride, Eat, Sleep, clean my body, clean my bike, buy food, and try to get used to making youtube videos, I don't fold my clothes, i don't make my bed, i dont dust my room, and I don't try to find sex partners or even masturbate which somehow tells me im not healthy. I do some really dangerous shit and don't seem to put much value on human life or other peoples feelings unless i see that it's going to effect me somehow, and i don't think it has anything to do with being a psychopath, I think i still have some unfinished business with my body, and that there may be something wrong with my adrenal and endocrine system.
Maybe I need to harden the fuck up, but one thing is for sure, I need all the good tips I can get for saving time, and money. And i have some sort of anxiety with sleep i need to overcome, a voice in my head is either saying: "Yeah, it's 8:53pm, you're fucked and no matter how fast you fall asleep; its not gonna be enough and you're gonna be thrashed all day tomorrow." or "Hmm, man maybe we are getting carried away , its only 6:03pm maybe i should go train on the xt before i eat, i always have the urge for what ever the hell is getting released in my body when i get my heart rate up, suck down the Oxygen, and pound out the CO2" and i often train when i really dont have the time for it, but i cant sleep with the urge to train or ill go A-wall.
This is quite a post! OK, as I see it, there are three areas for discussion here - correct me if I'm wrong:
The state of your endocrine system
Your tendency to overthink/anxiety
Any potential mental health issues
Firstly, no, you absolutely do not need to harden the f*ck up. You clearly aren’t well. Now is the time to shower yourself with nothing but love, compassion and understanding till you get better.
1. Getting up that many times in the night to go to the loo, coupled with not getting enough sleep, alongside being a male of your age without a sex drive definitely points to endocrinological issues (unless you’re asexual of course). Given you’re on this lifestyle, my experienced guess would be that you’re either not eating enough, or that you’re consuming too much total fluid in conjunction with inadequate sodium intake. Or a bit of both. Please could you provide detailed info around these points so that we may try to help? Also your exact sleeping schedule would be useful.
2. You are clearly extremely stressed and anxious. You come across as rather manic in this post. Insomnia will send you on an emotional roller-coaster ride, so I really feel for you. Worrying about not sleeping and how sh*tty you’re going to feel the following day is of course only adding fuel to the fire. I would suggest a rigorous meditation/mind-clearing practice in the evening, along with other relaxing activities you might enjoy (hot baths etc) and super strict sleep hygiene (I’m sure you know what this is - Google if not). While you’re unwinding in the evening, practice deep breathing, with your exhalation being longer than your inhalation - this switches off the sympathetic nervous system and gets you into a parasympathetic state.
If it’s dark in the morning where you are, it might be an idea to get a bright light box, to mimic daylight from the moment you get up, this’ll really help anchor your circadian rhythm and also leads to increased feelings of well-being. They’re cheap, and you can get them on Amazon.
Can you prioritise your concerns and break them down into manageable chunks? For example if I were you, I’d focus solely on my health situation right now and not even give a moment’s thought about all the other stuff I want to achieve with YouTube/the world till these were resolved. And thinking about moving somewhere hot when you’re currently doing “dangerous” stuff isn’t a great priority of your energy.
3. Your info around your lack of empathy towards others could be something or could simply be a function of your hyper stressed state. You say you’re doing some really dangerous stuff, however, which is concerning. I would suggest going to see a mental health professional to talk this through, if only to help soothe you that you’ve got nothing about which to be concerned (although it does seem as though something needs looking at in this area). They can also help with techniques such as CBT and EFT which will help somewhat with the second point above.
Anyway, just my starter thoughts based on the info you’ve provided. Do with it what you will!
Thanks for your reply Nakd Nutrition, I'm not here to waste anyone's time. I just can't seem to figure overcome this problem of adrenal fatigue/imbalance/sleep deprivation without some sort of reality check or outside observation that im not finding in my own mind. I'll try to leave out unimportant stuff but you asked for information so im not sure how many grains of my sand you want.
I'm 5'7" ~135lbs when im cycling regularly, but my weight can jump quick, either down or up it seems. I've been off the bike for about a week and im 143-145lbs now, had some very late nights due to flu/cold.
History, I was looking, and I've only been vegan for about 1yr 3 months, started out Mcdougall style for awhile, not sure when i went for RT4 and fruitarian.
I'm 23yrs old, when i was 19 i think i was in the peak of an ortharexic/anorexic eating disorder, i was very delusional, i was not athletic and didn't know shit, didnt run, cycle, or swim, but i was obsessive about moving my body and calisthenic activities. during this time i notice one day that i no longer woke with errections and that i infact was 100% impotent, i was also a sleight of hand artist which was both effected by and drove me further and further into my ortharexia/anorexia, i would spend upwards of 6-12 hours a day practicing and pushing the art further(i abandoned the art completely since ive discovered this lifestyle and what it offers.) I reached my lowest weight at 109lbs which set my BMI at 17-17.5 i think, thats where the pressure started from the family to gain weight, after being stuck with them in an RV during vacation i ran out of my ortherexic meals, which i didn't have enough of to begin with, then one night i decided to eat all the things my family was eating, and then eat anything that was offered to me, which was allot since they where so amazed by the change in my attitude, the edema was insane, it took just under two weeks and i came back ~137 pounds and had high blood pressure, it all switched to bulimia from there which i had untill i found this lifestyle, just beforehand i was experimenting with ketogenic dieting for several months.
My diet: Mostly Fruit and raw sweetcorn, often with 100-300 calories of refined sugar.
I eat anywhere from 3,300-5,500 calories each day(not counting what gets consumed during sleeping hours)
Staples are: bananas, dates, pineapple, sweetcorn.
Less often: mangoes, papaya, kiwi, pears.
For cycling and breakfast at work: dates, dried fruits, fruit juice, and for when it gets ruff: sprite, ginger-ale, gummies, sugar water.
For vitamins usually eaten with dinner: kale, romaine, or spinach, carrots, roma tomatoes, celery.
Cooked starches(which i usually try not to eat lately as im trying for optimal): brown rice, white rice, potatoes(always micro-waved), corn pasta, i use ether no added sodium canned tomatoes or a fairly low sodium sweet and sour suace, sometimes i just use some ketchup. I consider none of it optimal.
Occasional: cliff bars, rice cakes, homemade bread HCLF vegan low sodium bread(flour water yeast and sugar, nothing else), jelly, jam or fruit preserves, juice, sprite or ginger-ale.
Then there's the stuff that usually doesn't make it to my Instagram, which would be what i end up eating at night, after getting up to pee, i never feel hungry in the stomach when i do this, or necessarily depleted i think, i usually just feel stressed/depressed or maybe anxious, but the best way to explain it is balls to the wall tired and quite literally half asleep, i would fall asleep in 2 seconds if i where to go back to bed in these moments but i for some reason just wan't to eat really sweet foods, this can end up being anywhere from 700-3000+ calories of dates or dried fruit and sprite. You can imagine how little sleep im actually getting if i went to bed with a 9-7 hour sleeping window.
most of my food is non-organic and a good portion of it is probably GMO.
breakfast is eaten during work or rides between 7&10am
lunch is 11am during work, usually 1-2pm on weekends,
dinner is always the last thing i do before bed it can be anywhere from 7:30-8:30pm and takes about 45min-1hr to finish.
Sleep hygiene: i found this : https://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/sleep-hygiene
I've treid everything but getting an hour or two between dinner completion and bed time. not sure if that's possible but ill try.
I have an extremely obsessive personality, so anytime i try to do anything moderately it fails. For example if i get on a desktop computer I will use it for over 10 hours and can't get up untill i have to get food or water so i can continue. Cycling is really the healthiest thing ive found to be obsessed with, i get carried away with it sometimes still, but im determined to learn it right, this is my first year, i want it for life. Also I seem to build my entire psyche on one obsession after another, if you take away the obsession my mind and my lifestyle completely fly apart and it feels like being sent to hell. When increase my cycling i basically don't know how to stop or bring it back down without freaking out.
My lack of empathy towards others, i don't know what this is about and half the time don't even know that its a thing until i see that other people, even people i hugely admire, can cry for another person or animal, or that empathy to them is not actually just making someone else feel good just because they can, and they're experimenting, or because they want them to be more palatable; but because their own emotions are actually somehow linked to the other persons. The way i look at death is that i don't really want it, but i also don't really care, if i didn't have fitness, and financial goals, id be totally indifferent to death. Other peoples lives i look at as basically nothing emotionally, i don't believe there's any laws in the universe, only those created by sentient begins, if im not in danger of the consequences of those laws there is nothing i won't do. Individual or random human and animal life simply holds no value to me at all, and this is just me trying my best to be totally transparent, im not trying to get a people to freak out, and i rarely mention my personal feelings because that's usually what happens and nobody gets anything from it, but hiding anything makes others feel even more like objects, id rather just be open about my feelings no matter how bizarre they are to others. I'm done with psychologists, ive seen several, one tried to change my views and feelings with weekly treatment for almost 7 years, and i find the whole concept of modern psychiatric treatment just hilarious and laughable.
I have a follow-up with the hospitals cardiologist next week for an ultra-sound to make sure there's not a whole in the center of my heart. but i got blood test while i was there too, they are running TSH(something for thyroid), and B-12 results(so i can get injection prescriptions since they aren't over-counter here)
I totally forgot to mention, take a B12 shot weekly for a month and then monthly for a year.
Try ordering it online cos the doctors etc are a pain in the ass. By the way you only need a 1/2 inch 29 gauge needle not the long ass wide as fuck needles they think you need. Unless you are obese
What's up with your heart?
The foods you are eating sound pretty solid.
The fact that you are craving sweet foods during the night is a sign you did not eat enough sweet food during the day. Sweet foods should be appalling by 4-5 that's how much you should eat!
Yes you are right some of the things you have said you probably should not say to certain people lol.
Is the environment you are living in stressful? Maybe you need some time off work?
What is important is that you can see right from wrong and that you act accordingly.
I completely understand your obsessive personality as I have it as well. You really need to follow the advise I've given you.
As Nakd said: Your lack of empathy towards others could be something or could simply be a function of your hyper stressed state.
Also your hyper stressed state could be causing your erection problems. It may also be the effects of your previous anorexic state. When did this start again?
It may also be a sign of clogged arteries but none of the foods you listed would do that unless I missed some.
You really need to chill bro!
P.S I'm glad you recognize that therapists are useless 99% of the time. They just don't have the info they need to help. That and/or the fact that you staying mentally ill makes them $$.
Get the fluoride & chlorine out for sure. Remember tho any water is better than no water
40 hours a week with no rent to pay you must have a lot of $ saved up no?
You absolutely need to be getting to bed @ 8:00 on the dot, every night.
Start bringing organic sugar water to work.
Start adding at least a cup of organic sugar to your smoothie in the morning.
Eat more carbs/ foods like rice, dates, bananas!!
Drink 1L of water before each meal, in the morning and before bed. In between drink anywhere from 250ML to 750 per hour depending on activity levels etc. Be sure to be peeing clear always. Peeing 2-3 times per night as well.
* Get a sleep mask and make sure your room is as dark as possible.
*No technology after 8
*If you can't fall asleep at 8 stay in bed and rest until you do fall asleep no matter how long it takes. No tech!
Getting up to piss 3-4 times per night is normal and is a sign of proper hydration.