i just turned 23, my bf's 46. nothing about our age difference bothers me, except he wouldn't shut up about his sexual experiences (and there have been many!)
i only had sex one other time and it wasn't great. basically, i don't know how to please a man.
i told him to stop talking about it and he has, but now i freeze up during sex. i'm very embarrassed and disappointed in myself.
so i wanna ask you guys what i should do to be sexually confident:
should i get more experience, like date other people? (he said i could do that if i wanted to)
is there some kind of sex class or reading i should get into?
would talking to him help get me out of this rut?
feel free to ask if you need more info
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"i just turned 23, my bf's 46. nothing about our age difference bothers me, except he wouldn't shut up about his sexual experiences (and there have been many!) "
I would consider that a red flag with this guy. Not the amount of sexual partners that he has had, but the fact that he is bragging about it. He sounds insecure. I will make a great leap here and also guess (based on his behavior compared to those that I personally know that act like him) that he is an emotional blackmailer and probably manipulative.
I am probably coming out of the gate pretty harsh but I have known too many people like this. Even as friend to friend I quickly cut people like this off and send them packing. There are probably qualiities that are good in your bf, but the emotional energy that you might be expending to handle a relationship going forward is NOT worth it.
I would move on and drop him like a non-raw potato.
Regarding "i only had sex one other time and it wasn't great. basically, i don't know how to please a man.
i told him to stop talking about it and he has, but now i freeze up during sex. i'm very embarrassed and disappointed in myself. " See how destructive his behavior already is? You cannot enjoy sex! Sex, even as a virgin or novice, will be great and you will perform well when you have a patient, slow and easy partner. When people take their time it is very easy to work off your partner's reaction to certain things.
Big red flag " should i get more experience, like date other people? (he said i could do that if i wanted to)" He said you could? I promise you that is what someone who would cheat on you would act. Saying it is ok for you to do this means that he would in a moment. And, if later on you thought this was a long term relationship and you found out he was nailing the neighbor he could just throw it in your face that you saw other people too. It takes a very specific type of relationship to make seeing other people work. Maybe he is truly one of those types, but for you it sounds like it would end up being an emotionally painful experience.
"is there some kind of sex class or reading i should get into?" Maybe. Talk to a few girlfriends and see what their men like. You just might find out that different men like different things or that some men don't enjoy the stereotypical stuff. Not every guy wants a bj for example. Some books on sex are good, some look like the editors at Cosmo wrote them and are just 17 year old boy fantasies.
"would talking to him help get me out of this rut?" Again, not to be a poop but I would not spend emotional energy in a relationship that looks like it needs healing right out of the gate. This guy is immature and probably poison. Drop kick him and move on, even if it hurts a little now, you will be much better off later. Rather than building your confidence as a lover, he has emtionally beaten you up enough (intentional or not on his part) that you "freeze up during sex" and now you are embarrassed and disappointed in yourself.
A good lover can send you to the moon along with his self as you learn more about what they like and what you like. It does not take long for sex to become a journey that either one of you can pilot as you will learn fast with the right lover. Books are ok to tease your fantasy mind a bit and to give you ideas but the real deal from the right person will make you an expert in your body and their's in a very few sessions.
+1 Very good advice.
Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is a great book on how to enjoy without having to achieve.
damn, he just called me to tell me he fell out of a tree lol. he's going to the ER now. feel bad for him!
thank you for the straight up honest advice. reading what other people have to say is enlightening. like when Renee said, "Your psyche/body is trying to tell you that it doesn't feel right to you" when i freeze up is a good point. i believe in intuition and think more people should tap into that.
i look forward to more input. maybe i'll update in a week or so on how it's going (or how it ends)
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