30 Bananas a Day!

To begin, thank you to all who participate on this site. We who are fortunate to find it and discover the truths hidden in the simplicities of this lifestyle are very blessed. I am grateful to have finally found a community for which I feel a true connection. The reason I have come to feel this is simple, because we practice AUTHENTICITY here.

Moving on, my name is Korey. I am 29 years old and I am a recovering drug addict. The closest I have come to a comfortable existence, is alongside a woman who loves me and to whom i share a deep spiritual connection with. Even so, I carry about me most of the time a dis-satisfiable mind. A mind that causes me to believe that I have no place on this earth and that I should not be. Mix this with an enlarged ego that feels superior, grandiose, judgmental, arrogant and life becomes unbearable. A quote by I don't know who states "I am not good enough, but I am better than you."

And so I live... with hatred for others, SELF HATRED for things i've done, resentment for the world of ignorance that surrounds me, resentment for a family that spoiled me and taught me to feel all this hatred and fear I feel by being so ignorant. Can I blame others for being ignorant? Nature vs Nurture? What or who is truly to blame? Is it the people around me or the world around me or am I just simply a sick and chemically imbalanced human being? Or is the human race as a whole sick? No matter what the answer the fact remains, I live in a paralyzed state of being, ever incapable of moving forward in the way that SOCIETY expects of me: Job, career, self supportive, etc. while always changing and growing internally, intelligently and spiritually. (it feels like I'm the only one; which creates a vast sense of loneliness)

So I SEEK PERFECTION...

HOW CAN I PERFECT MY HUMAN EXPERIENCE?

Drugs

Sobriety

Veganism

Fruitarianism

100% Raw

Water Fasting

Enlightenment

Fitness

Meditation

Love

Sex

I practice all... I seek to master, to perfect...but to what end?

I THINK THAT I LIVE IN THIS FANTASY, IN WHICH I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE MYSELF COMPLETELY, TO WHERE I CAN BECOME A COMPLETELY NEW AND DIFFERENT ENTITY, VOID OF ALL HUMAN DIFFICULTY.

Does anyone out there relate to this level of pain and suffering for not only yourself, but for the entire human race?

I PRACTICE THIS IN THE SAME WAY ONE WOULD PRACTICE A BELIEF IN GOD...

CANNOT BE FOUND, BUT OFTEN SOUGHT?

IS THERE WISDOM IN THE SEEKING OF?

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION......

Please share your thoughts, your experience, your strength, your hope, questions, concerns, wonders, desires, curiosities, advice, suggestions ALL IS WELCOME

Do you relate?

What have I provoked in you?

Views: 225

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

First of all, Thank you.
I relay some thoughts :

You may feel lonely,because AS you strive for perfection, it seems everyone else is complacent. As intelligent beings, we share this potential to act and live using this intelligence. So why not live up to our potential? To become the greatest version of ourselves...

So you realize this but something still sucks.your environment is not reflecting what you wish to be.
I think a part of you is showing we are NOT meant to live life alone. Craving a bond with like beings while simultaneously growing together. When that is not reciprocated, this hopeless sensation may surge through you.

Perhaps I can explain your superior feeling somehow. It's like supply and demand. You know you're significantly different. While everyone else seems to be alike somehow, contributing to factors that harm the world: not questioning outside the "system" and complaining of issues with no goal to improve it. People like you seem rare, so your value rises. There is less "supply". You see more value in yourself because you see the worth. HOWEVER, one thing that is of equal "value" is the potential we all share! :) sure, others may not be at the same spot for growth, but you were once in their place too back in the day... you've just tapped into that potential

This is indeed a journey for growth, and becoming introspective on our experiences may benefit us so long as we do not attach to the past again, but simply acknowledge and reflect..

What have you provoked? A level of authenticity , as you model above ,that resonates on some level with us all. Although a lot of your thoughts have been bitter or disappointing towards humanity, you noticed it. In order to change something, shouldn't we notice it first? :)

Best Regards,
Crystal

"HOWEVER, one thing that is of equal "value" is the potential we all share! :)"

Nice Crystal!  Agreed.

There is a school of thought that posits that all actions stem from either a place of love or a place of fear.  You are living a life of fear: hatred for others, hatred for yourself, blame etc.  You need to move to a life based on love.  Have you done shadow work (or similar) to get to the root of your real issues, in order to displace the hold your ego has over you?  Do you practice positive focus and gratitude to try and bring some positivity into your life?  The release/integration of your shadow aspects, coupled with positive focus work/gratitude, will slowly crowd out the fear and replace it with love.

With a life based on love, miracles will start to happen and everything will fall into place.  You won't be seeking perfection (which is subjective and comes from the ego) you'll be too busy enjoying the process. You'll find your self worth, understand why you're here and you'll let go of resentment.  You sound as though authenticity is important to you - turn inwards, find your authentic self, let go of this egoic state you're in.  Stop looking to external factors to heal your emotional body.  The drugs were a crutch, a distraction - a distraction from what? Look inside yourself, find out, do the work, release it all and become your true self.
I don't think you are living in a fantasy - I think pretty much anyone can change, in any way they so choose, they just have to put in the work.  Look what you've achieved already, by getting clean. There would have been a point (or two!) at which you'd have thought that was something you could never achieve.  Harness that momentum, keep changing till you're happy with everything.  You're clearly very capable.
I hear you re' resentment of the world around you.  I still struggle with this.  It's not easy.  I try to manage it by not watching the news and instead, focussing on progress and positivity, like big YouTubers becoming vegan (for example) and the trickle-down effect this will have etc. I can still at times be overwhelmed by the cruelty in the world, and I'm hoping that if I keep working on it, there'll come a point where this'll no longer affect me in the same way.  
Anyway, that's my two cents' worth.  
ETA - sorry, not sure what's going on with the spacing between paragraphs, I appreciate that reading big blocks of text can be annoying - the site won't let me format them how I want.
Thank you for your responses. I am just now returning after a fall off the fruity lifestyle. Glad to be back and looking forward to finding that momentum again.

RSS

About

TheBananaGirl created this Ning Network.

30BaD Search

Latest Activity

OrganicMark posted a status
"Trump Signs Executive Order Stripping Social Media Companies Of "Liability Shield" #awakening #peace #truth #light https://j.mp/2XcNXUL"
Friday
Profile IconDarren Newman, Makayla, Jaime Huxley Leary and 1 more joined 30 Bananas a Day!
Wednesday
Peter posted a status
"First roller of 2020,didn't get any last year ,had a frost and I cut them back hard,then worst drought. can't remember them being so sweet."
May 26
Peter posted photos
May 26
Peter posted a status
"Could help.that should read."
May 26
Peter posted a status
"I can't remember how to post a photo if anyone couldchelp?tia"
May 26
Cassie K added a discussion to the group Self Sufficiency using Permaculture
May 24
Cassie K commented on Jay Don't Cook's group Self Sufficiency using Permaculture
May 24
Cassie K commented on Jay Don't Cook's group Self Sufficiency using Permaculture
May 24
Laura Kuchy commented on Tiff Hawkins's blog post Too Exciting
May 23
Profile IconLaura Kuchy and Peter H joined 30 Bananas a Day!
May 21
Raw Mormon Mommy posted a status
"How do I edit my profile?"
May 20
OrganicMark posted a status
"OBAMAGATE 1: CRIME OF THE CENTURY #evolution #awakening #peace #truth #love #light https://j.mp/2WVPNbe"
May 19
Profile IconSuzanne, SunBeaming, Rhonda Miga and 1 more joined 30 Bananas a Day!
May 17
OrganicMark posted a status
"PlanDemic - Banned Documentary #evolution #awakening #peace #truth #love #light https://bit.ly/2xJvrK0"
May 15
OrganicMark posted a status
"What They Don’t Want You To Know About Covid-19. Dropping Bombs (Ep 264) Dr. Rashid Buttar #peace #truth #love #light https://j.mp/2T4hGwE"
May 15

© 2020   Created by TheBananaGirl.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service