So I became interested in 811 back in January and probably in the last two months I have started reaching my goals. The only problem is I don't eat enough calories regularly.
Anyways, since adopting this lifestyle I have started having to deal with emotions and thoughts. I feel like cooked food sort of shields us and keeps us complacent and comfortable. And when you remove them, you are left to deal with your true being. I find myself questioning my marriage.
All of a sudden it's like all my husbands imperfections are just popping up. I mean---he is pretty much the same person I married three years ago. I don't get it. I think the main issue is that he is just not very "fam oriented." At the moment I am a stay at home parent. I would expect when he gets home he would want to spend his free time with our two year old. However, he often chooses to take personal time, watching a movie, or whatever. He will even take his dinner to our bedroom. This is not what I envisioned marriage to be, I guess. He also has a tendency to be a bit harsh about things, but this is something he is supposedly working on. He is otherwise a very hardworking individual, and I know he loves us.
I am not sure what to do. Morally, I am opposed to divorce --- but sometimes I think I would rather handle stuff alone. I am curious to know what you all have done when faced with these types of issues!?? Do you think I just need to eat more carbs??? LOL. I'm so confused!
Thanks for the book recommendations. My husband was in the marine corp for five years, enlisted. And he has been out for a bout a year or so! He was stationed four hours away, so we are happy he is out! I am so glad your husband will be home soon! AND trying the diet! AND yoga has been a lifesaver. I wish my husband were a bit more open to trying these things --- but I am going to give it time!
It may seem old-fashioned, but try taking care of your husband (like you take care of yourself and your child). When one feels taken care of, one wants to return the feeling. So, rather than "communicating" your needs, try to address his needs. The likely result is he will reciprocate with both you and your child.
Thanks Amelia --- since I stay home I pretty much do all his cooking and laundry already. But perhaps I can pay attention and see if he has other unmet needs!
My relationship isn't longterm enough to speak from personal experience, but I've watched my parents' relationship change over the years. They've been together for over 30 years, since they were kids, and have the closest relationship I've ever seen. A few years ago, though, they went through a really rough time and actually thought they might split up. It lasted a year or so and they finally worked through it and now they're closer than ever. Having been together since they were so young (my mum was 14 or 15) they've literally grown up together and changed a lot since they met. If you really love someone, you look past much of the superficial stuff like habits. I'm not saying they're not important because they are, especially when it comes to interactions with each other and raising kids, but they are fluid. If you're committed to each other and really try to communicate, most problems can be dealt with.
Thank you Grapenut!
i share the same experience...3 years married, 1 2 year old child, and a husband that takes his dinner to the other room, watches movies all night, sleeps when i am up, is up when i am sleeping...i bothered me a lot a while ago, but i know that he loves us so i was searching for the reason why we drift away from each other. the answer is simple, we don't have the same daily activities. So our solution was starting to work on our own business, so that we have the same "job" or whatever you want to call it...we set a workoutschedule, so we work out together when our little one is sleeping...but the most important thing is really to sit down with your husband and discuss what changed from the day you got married until today. you will find a solution for this ;)
I have started to do that...well the sit and talk! Indeed things have changed from the beginning. A part of me thinks this is just how marriage is...and most people have to work through things at some point or another. We were working out together- but his schedule changed, maybe we need to make this a priority. Thanks for sharing!
Cooking and laundry are the least of his needs. Although you should be appreciated for all the hard work you do for him, know that his needs are far from anything he could do for himself. What each of you need is sometimes completely different. I would advise heading to the library and picking up a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray" In a nutshell this book explains how men and women think, how your needs can be met, and how to resolve these problems. I guarantee you that your husbad avoids you because you can't accept his imperfections. In my opinion, men are more sensitive but they don't express their emotions, they act out. Here's a list of things you both need as they come from that book. A woman's primary love needs are: Caring;Understanding;Respect;Devotion;Validation;Reassurance. A man's primary love needs are:Trust;Acceptance;Apppreciation;Admiration;Approval;Encouragement. Each of your primary needs are also the others secondary needs. Notice each of your needs are only fulfilled by the other partner. I'm sure he's quite capable of preparing his own food and doing his own laundry, but he should appreciate the fact that you do those things for him.
Good luck, and never give up!
Thank you Jefferey! That's great!
I have been married over 21 years. My husband has changed. I never complain about the things he did when I married him because that would not be fair since I knew about them. You have a child so that makes it more difficult. I think children should come first so if you can work on small stuff do it. Your husband might be tired after work, not sure what he does for work. Was he like that before you had as child? If those are the only issues and there is no abuse then go to counselling. Also until you feel happier in your marriage please do not have anymore kids it will just be harder if you decide to leave. If I had been unhappy after only 3 years of marriage I would not have stayed but I did not have kids at that time. I wish you luck.