my husband (a SAD-eater) is very depressive because i do not allow him that he give our child animal foods or sugar and i do very difficult about bread. he says i have to become more soft, i doesn't has to be so strict for her. he says if he does not give her candy she will do it later behind our back and than she will eat whole the candy shop out.
he says i do not trust him, but if he give her cookies with sugar and animal products, candy with sugar, ... how can i trust him. trust is something other according to him, it is to be good to her, it is nothing about food.
he is so depressed he cannot share his food (always animal food & high fat & salt) to the child.
but you can share so many things!
he says all living being are from the same source and do i know if a salad doesn't hurt as much as a pig? so for him eating animals is the same as eating plants, and he needs meat so why can he not give it also to its little girl because he is the father and i eat this since 50 years (old habits are hard to break). now he is always saying that i make him depressed because that our girl cannot eat the food he likes to give to her.
he gaves her so much bread and if i complain about that he says "i am a breadeater whole my life and i am not sick". gave him 80/10/10 to read. "i am pleased to read that" and he still does not read it and will not. that's ok.
my wish was to give her only raw food HCLF; for a way between animal and raw food i suggested to give her vegan food, so i will cook and i do but that's not enough. he said to 'let go of the reins', to relax and accept that she can eat what people do give her.
wherever i go i always have food with me, i polite refuse the candy and let people know if they like to give her sugar food that i prefer to give her fruit because of this and that. when we are on a visit i give the people things they can give to my girl and it is never a problem, people can be very open and understanding but my husband does not want to do like that. he says that if we go on a visit the girl has to be the chance to eat everything, because from food we cannot become sick or so now and than to eat sugar it is not bad.
it is like i am a very bad mother to refuse her all the sugar cookies etc
to talk with the families it is difficult, they don't understand. my mother in law is in the 80's and she never got sick, she said:" i have eaten whole my life animal food, sugar, bread, ..."
(i know she has had breastcancer and has been used to be constipated for a week, that she will not tell me but i know, anyway).
it is hard for the grandmother that she cannot give her homemadecookies because they are made with love (and with butter, sugar, eggs, ...) . she does not like to give her fruits because they are bad for the teeths. so every time the girl goes to the grandparents i give my child a pack a cookies (vegan, no sugar); but anyway she gives my child her homemade cookies. i have nothing to say, every time i go there we have a fight about that so i do not go anymore to that place because it is also not nice for the child and the grandmother does what she likes because it is her house and her father does not agree with me, so ...
maybe you say aah here are you again with your complaints, go away from that husband.
i am sorry for disturbing again with this issue.
if i go away my child will be 1 week with me and 1 week with him and than she get the crap whole the week and i will get a sick child.
for me my husband can eat whatever he wants, he only cannot give it to the child, is that so wrong? do i am a bitch? a superbad mother and wife?
i think nobody can help me with this. it is like trusting god everything will go well and to let go all of it, it will work out fine, ... but i can not do that.
is there a solution do you think?
thanks for your reply.
my girl is attracted to the food of her father. she gets sick from it but she does not make the link already (3,5 years). i give her as much fruit as can. this morning for breakfast she ate 3 bananas, 1 apple and drunk daterade (and she liked it).
but that is because her father was still sleeping otherwise she would have been full of bread with tartex and ricemilk.
my husband is eating healthy because it is organic he says so what's the problem?
we also were trying to figure out what to do with our daughter but for him it is like "vegan is ok but he likes to give her his food too and if we are on visit she can eat what is on the table".
i hope my daughter will react like you. now i refuse her to eat all that stuff and i am wondering what she is thinking off her mother. sometimes i think the girl suffers because she does not get all that crappy food the kids can have in her neighbourhood. i feel so guilty sometimes because all the people around me give me that feeling.
She is going to get it at some point, what foods make her feel good and not. My kids all get it now. I didn't put pressure on them, just told them facts, and they are all vegan by choice now (ages 7, 7 and 10).
Don't feel guilty for what you are doing. You're the only one in that child's life who is brave enough to go against the mainstream and do what's right.
Try reminding folks that you, as the mother, are just trying to do what's right. sorry gotta go
That's amazing, Mary. My kids don't care if they get sick. We eat vegan at home and they are allowed to choose at social occasions. They always choose to eat crap, despite getting symptoms afterwards.
I always bring tons of food to social occasions which is a lot of work. My 2 youngers kids get asthma type symptoms when eating dairy and eczema when eating wheat so it's been easy for them to see the connection between food and feeling like crap. Other kids seem to handle these foods better and it must be more challenging to teach that.
im so sorry to hear your struggles, this is a very tough deccision.
I know not what to say in ways of advice.
i wish you the best of luck finding a compromise you are all happy with to nurture your daughter to health.
best wishes xxx
You need a mariage counselor. I am certain this is not the only problematic issue between you two. Having disagreements that split apart a family needs some swift resolution with a professional. If he and/or you do not do that what good is healthy food? Poor digestion will be the result. Children are very sensitive.
Resolve the marriage problems. Or, yes, if they are not resolvable leave him. At least I would do that. I don't hang on to issues that cause this kind of inharmonious life.
This is not necessarily true. Depends on the counselor and their method of counseling. I can recommend a couple good counselors/ mediators who work by telephone.
What this father does is child abuse.
He also disrespects the mother.
In a situation like this if he's not willing to to change I'd get a divorce and move to the other side of the country.
You're a very good mother and wife, the problem is not you so please don't beat yourself up!
I also wouldn't count on 'god' to fix this.. YOU are going to have to take the necessary steps to change this unfortunate situation.
Good luck and stay strong!
+1, if possible, I would seek a lawyer who is vegan or at least pro-vegan and give everything that you gain single custody of your daughter and that that abusive corpse-eating monster is forbidden to see her. In cases like this, I am absolutely FOR that the single-custody (in your favour of course).
Removing a child from a parent that she has a bond with is child abuse.
The man has no respect for the mother and has no ethics.. I for one wouldn't want my child to bond with a person like that..