So my biggest issue is body image.
I first started the 811 lifestyle to lose weight, i was on it for 4 months gained weight (ed history) and then quit...
A few days ago i started becoming more and more raw, i would say about 80% raw.
It was from the RIGHT reasons, health .. i wasnt feeling well and couldnt be bothered to study i felt so awful in my head and eyes from looking at my study books. Thats when i knew i needed the carbs since i always felt so powerful in school those first 4 months raw.
After i first quit being raw i thought i would drop the weight, i just kept gaining.. im about 8-10kg over the weight i feel comfortable with and it really does bother me.
But mostly im bothered with feeling FULL. I am like most people with eating disorder history, i feel in control and powerful when i feel hungry .. like im doing something right.
Today i was very busy, i forgot about eating and then i came home and had some crisp bread and some flat bread (whole grain stuff we have in iceland) anyway ... i knew i was just missing the carbs so after when i was feeling the urge to eat something i went for the watermelons.
Im now down 1 and a half watermelons and i feel STUUUFFFFFEEEDDD ... i´ve eaten it over a few hours but i just cannot seem to overcome the feeling of my inner thighs touching and my belly growing over my boobs.
And another thing ... i feel like my boobs are getting smaller while my body is getting bigger .. is that just cause i see my stomach getting bigger or something? cause i do have implants... so its not like their shrinking for real :P hehe
Anyway i just needed to rant a bit and share my feelings i´ve just been so uncomfortable with myself today and all i want is to feel good in my own skin.
I even chucked out the scales wich makes it EVEN MORE difficult since i cant tell if im imagening the weight going on or if it really is...
Im not at a BMI of 26... it sais im OVERWEIGHT ! :O i havent been overweight since i was obese many years ago.
And its FRIGHTENING :S
Yes its hard... but it seems like everyone deals with this in the beginning and if you really think about reality like in the future would you really thing fruit will make you fat? i mean look at freelea... she has just melted away and is so skinny now.. couldnt get any skinner.
Its just hard to deal with sometimes :)
Yes, you have a very good point there, Karen.
Fruit will not make me fat, I think, for me, it's all about cultivating more PATIENCE with myself.
Thank you for reminding me of that!!
Exactly, me to .. i cant wait for years to be skinny hehe but in the end thats probably what we all will be. Think about it !? how amazing it will be, skinny healthy RADIANT :D
who cares if it takes time.... if not we would proably just be on a SAD diet back and forth starving and calorie counting all the time for years to so its not like were losing time to be skinny hehe :D
Karen the food you prepared in your pictures looks awesome. You can fly out to California and be my personal chef anytime. :)
If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find they're very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.
awww thank you Reed thats so sweet and such a thing to think about : )
But remember..... you "felt so powerful in school those first 4 months raw."
exactly !=) i just have to remember WHY i went back to eating raw :)
I felt like this too at first, I feel better right now at 2000 calories if I get too thin, like if I start to look like freelee I will up the calories big time! for now 2000 is perfect! I don't feel as stuffed!