30 Bananas a Day!

My mother fell of the wagon after one year after watching Freelee Help me please. I'm devastated .

My mom and I adapted the 811 lifestyle after many years of anorexia and eating disorders in the family. I've gone from 32ks to 52 (i guess, I don't weigh myself more) and my mother from around 42 kgs to 50. ( I am 1.59 cm tall and she is around 1.63 cm) - basically we have perfectly ok weights but still carry a little extra for healing. I know this is a phase of healing, I can feel it. We just need to start over and learn to love our bodies to recover.
We have been very active but my mom has still been restrictive (still scared of calories) and when she finally let go and started eating properly she got ill (stomach bloating, colon issue and diarrhea). I've been away for a month and she called me yesterday and told me she was eating chicken. My heart is broken. She told me she had watched a video with free lee getting some deal for a book and just said "this is just another fucking diet and we fell for it, freelee is just like the rest, it's all about money." I don't know what to do. In two h I'll be home and I'm scared. Help me what can I do ?!

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Two things:

First of all, the reason WHY people do things is extremely important.

One man volunteers with the homeless in order to positively impact the lives of others and be a role model for his children, another man also volunteers to help the homeless, but he does it to improve his reputation in his community and feed his ego. One man builds a  house for his family out of love and caring with his children's future in mind, another man builds a house for his family with cruel intentions. 

WHY is so important here.....

Why did she start this lifestyle in the first place? Why is she still dealing with eating disorders after all these years? How was her approach to this lifestyle different than her approach to other "diets"? What made you think this time would be different? How much of an issue is the eating disorder still in her mind? What motivates her? Is she in control? Has she ever been able to think and act logically when it comes to diet? Did she just think that copying Freelee would be a way to stay super skinny under the guise of "a legitimate diet"? Is she focused on weight or HEALTH? etc...

If you can answer all those questions, I can offer you as many suggestions as you like. 


Secondly, and I'm sad to tell you this, but you ever flown on a plane? What do they tell you about the oxygen masks everytime before a plane takes off? SECURE THE OXYGEN MASK OVER YOUR OWN FACE BEFORE ASSISTING OTHERS AROUND YOU. Any idea why they say this? In accidents parents will often try to help their children before getting their own bearings, resulting in blacking out, getting injured and both mother and child dying. 

I don't know enough about your situation yet, but you may need time and distance from your mother to HEAL yourself first and recover. Then you can come back to her and see whether or not she is open to change. One of the hardest things in life is watching the people we love suffer and realizing that ultimately they have to want to make the change, until then, their well being is out of our control.

First of all I want to thank you for your time and reply. It means a lot to me.

Answering your questions


I believe she did it in the hopes of staying skinny and from time to time thought about health and such, a lot for image too. "Oh hey I'm a vegan look at me"
Why I she is I'll I'm not sure. She dragged me down with her and it almost took my life in 2012.
I think she is scared that no body will be able to love her if she is not perfect, skinny and such. I thought so too, but it's not true. And that's what I've been trying to convince her of. She has always been abused by her men and only been in super destructive relationships. Now that she is single she is having a really destructive relationship with herself instead. She is very fixated on looks. She never went on a "diet" she just ate the same foods in minimal amounts in years. Icecream and chicken (weighing it) she weighed her fruits too, and herself every day.
Tracked the chronometer like cazy. I think she believed she could stay as skinny as she was with the abundance of food. I thought we did this for the planet, for the animals and for the health and strength we deserve as good human beings in order to later help others see the light. I feel as If I found my way home. I'm sad she doesn't feel the same way. The first thing she does when she gets up and out of bed is weigh herself. Then go out for a loooong walk and after that breakfast. Which she weighed. Then she wanted to go out and walk again and exercise. Like she was feeling guilt. She is motivated by weightloss and with this diet she is in no control. I don't think her ways are very logical. Yes! I believe that's exactly what she thought - obviously her focus is on weight.

She brings me down a lot and I've myself have been really insecure and stressed out because she is. When I'm away from home I'm happy , I feel alive and energetic. At home I am so incredibly upset all the time. My partner notice it to. I have the most amazing patience but my mum makes me so incredibly frustrated.
I know I need a lot of space to get myself together before I deal with her. I'm well aware that I'm going to crash and burn otherwise.

Thank you for the reply. Will need a little bit of time to process what you are saying. The details are extremely important.

Present her with information regarding vegan diets and their health and environmental benefits. 

If she's not interested, then that's her choice. I don't see how you can be "devastated" because of that. I don't mean to offend you, but get some real problems. I live in a war zone right now, and when I read posts like "I gained 2 pounds" or things like this I just can't fathom it.

She's an adult. It's her life. Let her decide. In the future she may admit that she was wrong and may come back on the wagon.

Again, I don't mean to insult you, but just put things in perspective!

Cheers

If she's not interested, then that's her choice. I don't see how you can be "devastated" because of that. I don't mean to offend you, but get some real problems. I live in a war zone right now, and when I read posts like "I gained 2 pounds" or things like this I just can't fathom it.

Thanks for your post its perspective like that that I need sometimes.

Yup, couldn't agree more.

Hey Jim did you say that you dealt with an eating disorder before also I can't remember?

I think that living in a war zone and dealing with an eating disorder actually have something in common...if you have never experienced either of them, its very difficult to understand how traumatic they can be. Not to compare being in a war versus a spiritual/mental/physical health issue, but I wouldn't take either one lightly...often times people find "everything they haven't experienced" to be "not that traumatic or serious". That's one of the main reasons why victims of child abuse, spouse abuse, child molestation, suicidal tendencies, obsessive conditions, and a host of other illnesses can feel cast off from society and misunderstood...

But me personally Martin I've never found any of your posts offensive, condescending or anything like that, your perspective is very valuable....

na I've never had an eating disorder. I just appreciate the perspective he offers. regardless of ones problems sometimes we need to put things into perspective.

I hear you. I just can't say that "living in a war zone" is necessarily worse than dealing with an eating disorder. I've been through versions of both, and they were both hell. From the outside it can seem like "just stop thinking you need to be skinny" but eating disorders can often be tied to traumatic issues that happened in the past, sexual abuse, violence (look it up online if you don't believe me). While I think living in a war zone would be terrible, and I don't like to "compare whats worse" because everyone responds to things differently, I would have a hard time saying that living in a war zone is necessarily worse than being the victim of molestation, or years of fear and violence at a young age, for example. It all depends...

yeah I agree I'm probably off topic in my response as I'm thinking about his post as it pertains to other problems in my own personal life etc.. 

in my case i can tend to get rather fixated on the problems rather then all the great stuff going on around me etc..

I just like the contrasting perspective he offers for me its a beneficial post how it pertains to anyone else I dunno. 

I guess from my view I got a lot of issues some seem HUGE to me but I dont live in a war zone thankfully. 

I hear you bro. I think we are on the same page. I know you are Martin are both runners also. I think one or both of you actually have blogs that I've been meaning to check out also. 

I've read a lot of Martin's posts, and I think he is alluding to something deeper also...If you ever notice, he posts a lot of useful and helpful information about running, training and diet....so imagine it from his perspective. His home is at war and he's found a way to cope with that emotionally and actually invest energy in training and helping others out. That is actually pretty amazing if you think about it.

You also post a lot about health and training and stuff, though you're probably busy, got personal stuff going on.

My response was mostly because I'm guessing Angelica doesn't really have a way to know that about either of you...

It sounds like you both have some sort of "coping mechanisms" you use...curious what those are.

My interest is mostly in the "actionable steps she can take" to improve her situation.

Thanks a lot to both for understanding my intentions.

I also suffered from eating disorders in the past, and it can be pretty terrible as well, so I definitely don't underestimate anyone who is dealing with that.

What I was addressing specifically is the "my mother went back to eating chicken". Again, we know the terrible things that go on related to meat consumption (for the animals, as well as for the planet), but one cannot get so devastated because someone eats meat. All my family consumes some kind of animal products, and I try to educate them about the subject, but at the end of the day it's their choice, and there's nothing else that we can do.

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