30 Bananas a Day!

Losing faith under crippling weight (high carb/calories?)

I'm trying really hard not to be a victim...but I could really use some support. I'm starting to lose faith. Every day I am faced with adversity. I am home from school for most of the summer. My mother (whom I love and is a dear in almost every other regard) is constantly judging my meals and commenting on my growing size.  "If this diet is so healthy why do you keep gaining weight?" and "Denali, every pound you put on past what you are now is unhealthy and hard on your body." I know she means well, but it still really hurts. I try to have faith a be positive, but unlike every other struggle I have been able to overcome in my life, I can't seem to stay positive with weight. It has started to take it's toll. I have always been an active person. I love the outdoors: backpacking, hiking, biking, swimming, rock-climbing, etc.... and I people have often been surprised that the short plump girl is so agile. However, lately I feel physically crippled by the 30 pounds I have put on since HCV. I feel energetic, but my mass feels difficult to move. I still manage to get out on a 45 min bike ride 3-4 times a week as well as 20 mins of bodyweight/strength twice weekly. I eat between 2500-4000 fruit and starch cals daily. I feel like a slim healthy vibrant person trapped in a ever growing and crippling prison. Any help/related testimonials would be amazing.

Lots of love,
Denali Rae

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From the sounds of it you are NOT overeating. You may even be under eating on some days. With the exercise you want more than 2500 calories. I have gained 35 pounds, It has finally started to stabilize. Try to eat as much fruit as possible and cut out gluten. Even if you don't have an issue with it, it is harder on the body to digest. And who is preparing your meals? If your mother is she could be adding olive oil or other things to your cooked meals.

When I started this journey I remember thinking 2-3 months and I will lose, It will be fine. And it didn't, I am now 10 months in.. I didn't get it, I was never anorexic or bulimic like those that gain all this weight... But then I realized... Ever since I was a child.. I seriously under ate, No breakfast ever, often skipped lunch or just snacked and then would go home and eat dinner. Only one real meal a day! I did this for years, simply because I didn't want to eat the offered or available food. All of a sudden it made sense. I was 107 when I became pregnant with my daughter, started eating 3 meals or more a day.. And I went to 197! 90 pounds in 10 months! Prior to this lifestyle I was at 136, but still carrying too much weight and struggling. Did a master cleanse and some other stupid stuff. Got really sick for 2 weeks, couldn't eat. All these things that have hindered my weight loss and caused gain. 

Really think about your situation, there is a reason. DO NOT let anyone tell you to eat less. Changing your raw to cooked ratio may help but you need the calories.

Thanks for the input Morgan. I prepare my own food and never add oil. I have upped my raw intake but also soon after I put up this post something just clicked inside me and now I feel amazing and my body is slowly (I think I'm the only one who notices) get leaner. The muscle is replacing the fat everywhere and my athletic performance is way up. I now average 15 miles a day (cycling)! But best of all I have attained a peace and comfort with myself that I was looking for with this lifestyle :))

Try HCRV if possible.

So you have a history of THRASHING your metabolism and are wondering how to mentally grasp the reality you are experiencing now as your body HEALS from the damage YOU have done to it?

Just HTFU sweety and donate your time to homeless shelters or helping amputee veterans at the local rehab center. Get some REAL purpose in your life whilst you wait for your body to heal itself. You broke it, its fixing it. Step mentally out of the way, HTFU and burn calories making this world a better place for you, others, the animals and the environment.

NOW! :)

That is what I did. Soon after I wrote this, I went on a volunteer trip with my friend and colleague (I am finishing my degree in Outdoor Recreation Leadership with a plan to be an outdoor youth educator) who rusn a program called Girls Right. The program helps teenage girls in rural areas who have or had abusive/neglectful homes by taking them out in nature for hiking, camping, swimming, and sharing without judgment or filters on what they can and cannot share. It's pretty amazing and the girls are more so. http://www.womensmountainpassages.org/girls-rite-summer-schedule.html 

We went camping in the Caribou Wilderness In the Southern Cascade mountains (CA). Not only did the girls inspire me with there grace and fun but also by their vulnerability and fact that they were so willing to love someone so obviously whom they had just met. And love me just as I am.

I then made a list of all the people who love and accept me now, as I am, without judgement. Those people had always told me how easy I was to love: how I light up their day or brighten a room. I realized I had a long list. "So Why don't I?" I wrote. It was something that I had carried around for years, pre-vegan, pre-Eating Disorders. I had never felt like I was truly "good" or "perfect" enough to truly love.

And then I allowed myself love and everything else has fallen into place. I can feel my body beginning to release the fat It has help on to.  I feel I have a better understanding of what my body needs, I hardly ever even crave cooked food anymore. But more importantly, I have found the peace and love that I had been looking for through this lifestyle.

Thank you for caring enough to try and kick me in the ass though :)

Denali Rae

Hi Denali,

I am having the same problem as you at this current point in time. I have gained weight as well and everyone around me is judging me as well and making remarks in regards to my eating habits that aren't encouraging at all. I'm the same as you that I'm very active and take advantage of California's outdoors and totally feel you when you say "a healthy vibrant person trapped in a ever growing and crippling prison." Maybe we can help encourage each other along the way seeing that no one around us has the ability to do so when we feel discouraged. 

Yes, Denali, There is much I can relate to in your story! Thanks for sharing. I certainly don't have the solution. I do try to embrace my swollen little cells as cleaning out the debris, and DR makes a good point about worrying less about my belly spilling out over the top of my yoga pants, and more about what I can do with my extra energy, as it sounds you have with the outdoor leadership project. Awesome transformation to witness already! Hurray for you! 

Also, I am curious, would you be willing to share what you are eating these days, and if you made any recent changes that may have helped spur your mental (and physical transformation)? I'm thinking about trying all raw, switching to new fruits, etc, and that info might give me ideas.

Thanks & many congrats to you on your journey!

: )

Yes there were some changes:

I started listening to my body more and eating when and how much I wanted, rather than counting caroies and try to fit as much as possible. I think that that technique works for most people but I suffered from Bulimia so getting enough in isn't a problem. I took the recommendations to mean that I needed to base my life around getting "enough" and that just left me full all the time and made me sluggish and made it more difficult to get in good quality exercise.

That is something else I have changed. I put used clip-less petals that a friend gifted me on my bike and got some shoes on sale off amazon. I could tell a difference in efficiency of movement and muscle use. I find biking even more enjoyable than before. I get upset if I can't go out for at least a short ride every day and I find it easy to ride 15-20 miles in the hills at a time. Thus I have built signifucantly more muscle in the past to weeks. I can tell my metabolism has improved as well as my overall health. I feel lighter and fitter and more vibrant by the day.

I do have all raw days 1-twice a week. I usually isn't planned just when I feel like it and I always glad i did. Yes add variety if possible. It just makes this life style feel like the abundance it should. oh and don't fear a bit of fat. I did for a long time and now I don't sweat putting a but of avacado on my salad or in my sushi or have a coconut based curry(with lots of rice) when I am out. Don't go crazy but don't stress it either. Letting go of the stress helped a lot to I think.

I hope this helps and thanks for the support,

Denali Rae :)

Such a wonderful response! Thank you! Your transformation is wonderful to witness from afar. I picture you zooming around on your bike, clipped in now. : ) I can't wait to get on a bike soon.

Yes, as I am learning how to do this lifestyle, I think my focus on smashing tons of calories was good, necessary even, but maybe now that I know what it feels like to be carbed, I think I need to find that place where movement feels awesome. I don't think I can ever go back to restriction after this, so now onto more movement!

Please keep posting from time to time. Your ups (and downs even) are such good inspiration!

Thank you! I wish you all the best on your journey too :)

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