Hi guys. I am 21 years old and I have been vegan for 4.5 years, raw for 2.5, and HCRV 80-10-10 (2500-3500 cals per day since June 2011) for 15 months. I want to tell you my (very long, sorry) back-story so that anyone who can understand what I'm going through can offer me some insight:
I am 5'5'' tall, and as of June 2011 weighed 125 lbs and, while at a nice, well-proportioned weight for my frame/body type, still had big pockets of 'baby fat' in certain places thanks to suffering from childhood obesity when I was between 9-11 years old (I weighed 135 pounds and was barely 5 feet tall at age 9... I have a very narrow, compact frame so needless to say I was a very large, almost toppling over and bursting at the seams at the time). My dad is a doctor and he and my mom both played college sports + are interested in health/fitness, yet they played no part in my recovery and have turned a blind eye for more than a decade.
From the time I was 11 years old (when I realized I was on my own in my quest for health and weight loss) until I turned 20 years old (when I became HCRV) I severely restricted my calories and had sporadic bouts of bulimia to control my weight. When I was 12 my weight dropped down to around 100 lbs, but as I grew taller and became a teenager my proportions evened out thanks to 'growing up' a little--and yo-yo'ing-- between 115 and 140 lbs. I retained some softness/baby fat everywhere thanks to killing my metabolism, and although I looked OK, I knew I wasn't eating enough, maximum 1500 cals a day.
As most anorexics do, sometimes I would binge and sometimes I wouldn't eat for days at a time. I exercised constantly and worked out rigorously for YEARS and wondered why I couldn't get rid of my baby fat. My parents saw me eating/not eating, working out, killing myself over all of this, and they still wouldn't help me get healthy. I tried many different diets, work outs, gyms, etc, but to no avail. Thankfully, I discovered animal activism...
4.5 years ago (age 17) I discovered Skinny Bitch and The Kind Diet and became vegan, but I still couldn't figure out why I was still chubby even after eliminating animal products and highly processed foods. Even when I ate healthily, I could see a huge weight gain the next day simply because my body was so desperate for calories. Any food would make me balloon so I still refused to eat 'enough'. 2 years ago (age 19) I went raw and gradually discovered Doug Graham, and 16 months ago (age 20) I took the plunge and 100% whole-heart-edly became HCRV, I have never doubted this lifestyle SINCE. I have NEVER cheated, never eaten cooked food, and never skipped a day of nearing or exceeding 3000 cals. The only bad things I've done is drank alot of pasteurized juice when I was on a road trip and accidentally had dried dates when no other food was available. I've since eliminated dates and juice from my diet because they have turned my teeth from beautiful, white and healthy into brown, yellow, moldy-looking, rotting, gum-receding unhealthy nastiness.
Teeth aside, my present concern is about my weight gain. I knew that with a long history of calorie-restriction that I would gain weight in my detox period, and I know that sometimes it takes a year or more for the body to regulate itself. But my experience has been very extreme: I immediately saw a huge change when I started cramming in the cals... I was 125 lbs when I started HCRV (and I don't mean a gaunt 120-125 lbs, I truly looked proportional and healthy, I just wasn't healthy on the inside), and now I am 170 lbs. The most amazing things of all about HCRV is that it cured my eating disorders, and my dis-morphia... my brain and my point of view became rational and normal almost immediately, which is now why I am wondering if I am having an abnormal weight issue. I average about 9 hours of sleep per night, I get a decent amount of sunlight, I am as active as I can be at this immobilizing size, and I am relatively stress-free thanks to my calm, peaceful environment I've created for myself. I am not sure what else to do ... I am at the end of my rope, so to speak... I am discouraged, depressed about my weight, and every facet of my being seems to be affected by it. I have trouble working out and being active, I cannot fit into any of my clothes, literally. I am constantly exhausted even though I eat a consistent, huge diet of bananas, mangoes watermelon, grapes, tomatoes, and a minimum of 2 lbs of greens per day. I don't eat ANY salt, and VERY rarely will I have an avocado, and otherwise I eat no overts.
I am so enormous that NO ONE even recognizes me, I am extremely over-heated, constantly out of breath, and have a total loss of coordination. It's just super-hard for me to move in general, thanks to feeling like I'm in a fat suit 24/7. Before this, even though I was technically anorexic, I was still a very active person thanks to my dogs and my love for dance. I also LOVED running, lifting weights, and/or doing aerobics almost daily.
I feel handicapped, and I look disfigured, literally. I look like I am in another person's body... people think I am a gross, fat slob who eats cheeseburgers all day even though it's common knowledge that I am vegan/raw. I am spreading a negative image about what it is to be 80-10-10 thanks to my appearance, which is another reason I have stayed relatively quiet on this board.. I don't want to discourage any newbies. I haven't posted any photos since my extreme weight gain either, so as to avoid scaring new people who want to take the plunge. What I am doing wrong?? Can anyone help me???? I would love to hear some constructive criticism so that I can feel human, function as a human, and look human as opposed to the literal sumo wrestler/ogre I look+feel like presently....not to mention I want to be a great example to others who need this lifestyle :/
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You must be really frustrated! When I read this I came to think about this video with Kate. She had been on 811 for 3 years and was still overweight. Listen to her story here:
I hope this helps!
Thank you so much Jessica! This gives me hope and I will be researching even more and more ... I appreciate your comment so so much :)
I'm glad I can help you! As you heard, Kate followed 811 exactly and still had this problem. I hope you'll find the solution that will help you!
Hey ya babylon, I afraid I dont have to much advice for ya as im on the opposite end , very skinny and desperately trying to gain weight. Although on a positive, you could make some money from this, About $10,000s worth. Id be calling Harley out on his offer to pay someone this much who can show him a overweight long term fruit eater. Please dont take that the wrong way, just my sense of humor, I really do hope you find your answer and please keep posting until you do, dont worry about what any new people will think, got to put you and your happiness first babe. All the best a :)
Nova, thank you for your words of encouragement and thank you for reminding me that I have to strive for happiness in myself first :) Your time is very much appreciated!
hey babylon! i wish u lots of luck, i hope some long termers comment on this so i can see what their advice/reasoning for this is as well. hugs <3
I hope someone can shed some light on the issue for both of us too... Thank you so much! And good luck to you as well :) <3
what ratio does the cronometer says you are eatn and how many meals per day are you having?
I have 2-3 meals a day with at least one of the meals being stretched over a couple hours, and snacks here and there. I don't need to use the chronometer anymore because i don't eat overt fats on a regular basis (MAXIMUM i may eat 1 avocado per month), so it works out to be somewhere between 90-5-5 and 80-10-10.
oh, Babylon, thank you for your openess of sharing your life story with us.
Good luck on your way!
Thank you very much for your reply and for your encouragement! :)
That small amount of water will also lead to water retention and bloating.