I have been a member of this forum for quite some time now, some of you may remember me. I had been doing the HCRV diet for one and a half years. My family has been supportive in the beginning of the diet, but about 6 months ago, they gave me hell about it. They said they have been embarrassed buying that much food, said it was too expensive etc etc.
My marriage was threatening to fall apart, my husband begged me to please eat with him again, so I turned to regular vegan food. High fat vegan food. The cravings returned, the binging returned. One night, with friends, I got drunk, they were eating meat... It was a weak moment. No excuses and long story short, I ate flesh again...and dairy... And felt bad about it at first, but then when I saw my husband was really happy about me eating his meals... I thought that was more important.
Now though, after finally opening my eyes again at animal cruelty, and facing what I have done to myself, I feel really embarrassed. I have lost 6 months of my life again and I want to get it back. I may lose my marriage (hubby said "if you ever turn to fruitarianism again, I will file for divorce") but honestly, my health is more important to me right now. I am an unhappy depressed person and when I was eating raw foods, I was so much healthier and happier.
My family won't understand but I honestly don't care. I feel so alone right now... I am afraid to talk to my family about this. On this day today, my beloved grandmother died 2 years ago. And I promised her to take good care of myself. It was around this time I turned to fruitarianism - 2 years ago for her and my sake as well. So this time I want to do it right. In first instance for me. I just hope people will know I mean it seriously this time and will just let me do my thing. I know this is the right thing to do, why can't they see it??
I hope you can forgive me and if you have any advice on how to deal with family, please do so!
When I was 9 years old I put my father in the ground...6 years ago I put my aunt in the ground....people all around me are dead and dying...sick and depressed....
I promised myself at a young age that I would do my best to eat the best diet possible, take the best care of my mind and body possible...to live a long, happy and health life, not only for my own benefit, but to be a positive influence in the lives of dozens of people in my family who know only sickness and death.
There is no one in this world I love more than my family and loved ones...but even if they never spoke to me again...I wouldn't destroy my health for them by eating shitty food, using drugs, or not taking care of myself....
As it is...after years of not being afraid of being different...1st person in my family to graduate college, first person to travel the world...take care of their health....run marathons...etc etc etc....after years of conflict...my family loves me very much for being a positive influence in their lives.
If you really love someone...you have to make yourself strong enough to do the right thing...if your family wanted to pressure you into doing heroine would you do that too?
Quit feeling sorry for yourself...and force yourself to get stronger. I rode my bike 220 miles last weekend...I'm training for triathlons..I have plans, I have goals....I AM FOCUSED ON BEING THE BEST POSSIBLE VERSION OF MYSELF POSSIBLE, I DO NOT CARE IF EVERYONE ELSE HAS LOW STANDARDS OR WANTS TO JUST COMPARE THEMSELVES TO EACH OTHER LIKE CRABS IN A BUCKET!!!! I COMPARE MYSELF ONLY TO THE BEST THAT I CAN BE!!!!
Make a plan, take action, and start understanding that when you THRIVE, it not only helps you...it helps the people around you. There is no alternative. There is nothing I am telling you that I wouldn't say directly to your face.
Stop looking at others. Focus on yourself. Change who you are. Don't just focus on what you do, but focus on WHY you do it. Get angry if you have to.
Thanks for replying. I have been doing a lot of thinking tonight. I can feel the presence of my grandmother as well. She wouldn't want me to live this life. She once told me my relationship with my husband is toxic. I know it is. My husband is a meat lover and will always and forever keep on eating meat at every meal. I know in my heart what I have to do. I just hate hurting people but you are right, I just have to make MY health and MY needs a priority. I just have never done that before. Always put others first. I think the time has come to change that.
On April 30th, we will be together for 14 years. 14 years! I really wanted to be happy with him, really did. But something is missing. Every day is just like the one before. I want to be surprised, I want to see the world, I want to meet new people. I just... feel like I am unable to grow. I am stuck.
Thanks for your inspirational post, and thanks for making a difference in this world. I promise you right now, from now on, I will do all I can to follow your example. I owe myself that much. I deserve to be happy and healthy again.
This video changed my life, and radically altered every relationship I have...the idea is that all relationships are based on SOMETHING. And often times that something is lust, comfort, physical beauty, money...some sort of temporary transaction.
He describes marriage as a deep, lasting covenant relationship, a profound friendship that is constantly being build upon, where the happiness is centered on God and nothing else.
I will watch this now, thank you!
Hurting people who are used to hurt themselve?
Hurting people who suppress you, who prevent you from be the best, life the best you can?
Hurting people who will be hurt by your action only because it hurts their selfishness, their ego?
Easy choice to me. Now.
I know it still is a hard choice when in such a situation.
Only afterwards it will become clear.
Freunde sind Menschen, die dir helfen, mehr du selbst
zu sein, mehr der Mensch zu sein, der du sein solltest.
Best luck to you!
You, Sir, RAWK! Big time!
What a great attidute! <3
So let me get this straight: your husband is holding you back and is unsupportive of your lifestyle. Not only is he preventing you from reaching you fullest potential emotionally, but you don't have someone around who finds health a joy and a blessing. I believe that YOU are the one who should be filing for divorce from HIM. He can take his threat and go fruit himself. A life partner is one who should be lifting you up and making you feel amazingly confident about your choices, not enabling you to make bad ones. Furthermore, he sounds like a child by giving you an ultimatum! I am disgusted and I feel pity that you have been robbed this gift from one who calls himself your husband. Cut the fat off of your marriage, literally, and flush him like yesterdays business. You don't need that in your life, and you can in no way evolve again and spread your beautiful wings with that THING hanging onto you!
GardenGirl, thank you so much, I really needed that! <3
The money IS there. I am the moneymaker anyway, still he prefers to decide what to buy and what not. My favorite fruit are bananas and dates, and those are the cheapest around. So money isn't actually an issue. I actually spent less money on fruit than on junk.
I know. I am pulling through with this. From this moment on, I am back to the fruitarian lifestyle. I won't give a damn about what others think or feel about this. When I know that in my heart it is right, than I will go all the way. I haven't been more sure about something than about this. Especially now that I know what it feels like on the "other side".
My husband just misses the old days, he is a very good cook, he loves to cook, he loves to show his love for me with food. He loves surprising me when I come from work with a homecooked meal. He said he missed doing that, that it feels so good to cook for me again. He did make me salads back in my fruitarian days, but said it just wasn't the same thing because "everyone can make a salad". When I told him about the various ways to make and prepare food on this lifestyle, he still wasn't impressed.