30 Bananas a Day!

I dont feel good. I feel like commiting suicide and I am a loser. Candida, depression, loneliness stress.

I have so much stress and so many problems I can't begin to express them all. I feel like im a loser and I can't fix it. I don't like feeling like this. I am not taken seriously by anyone and people never motivate me. I feel like I can't move up in life and I am incapable of thriving. I sound like  whiny little kid when I try to make videos and express my true feelings. I am on the verge of commiting suicide. I am just not happy. I don't get any attention from females. I get bored with everything fast. Its hard for me to concentrate on one thing and make something happen. I feel like I have to escape life. I have candida and it wont go away. I am chronically stressed and see no means out of it. I am a pervert and am addicted to porn. I have insomnia from stress. I have a low attention span. I have an anger problem. I keep all my emotions bottled up all the time because I am so crazy in reality that I can't express them. I am losing my fucking mind and wan't a purpose. I want respect and money. I feel like a million dollars is an ok amount of money even thoght I am always broke and havent seen a fraction of that. I dont feel like im getting enough out of life to feel distracted from the bitterness that is myself. I work at a furniture store delivering/returning leased furniture. It makes me really depressed all around. Im not getting laid, and the only girls that have ever wanted to have sex with me were all fucked in the head. My brothers ex girlfriend had the hots for me. I used to live with him because financially I been poor for a long time. (They tried had to make it work,but I feel essencially it was fucked over by me)Its always been hard to hold a job. FUCK I cant even explain how much misery I feel daily. Im a tall skinny dude with bad candida problems working in a furniture store who has hardly any pleasure in life and cant escape. I have insomnia every night I try to go to sleep at a regular time and get balanced. I am eating a vegan diet for a long time now and don't feel better. What keeps me going is hoping that I will feel good again one day and get those warm fuzzy feelings that I used to get. I used to be happy when I was younger. Something happened. I think its candida, but im not sure. I don't like being sensitive to food. I want to be able to eat more stuff. I been doing vegan for a long time and I have tried fully raw to help with candida(currently am trying it again, am in a shitty fucking mood now I see why I go to comfort food every time). I am hoping to hack this one out and pull through this misery but eating nothing but bananas seems to be making me more miserable (2 days in). I feel like everyone ignores me when I speak my mind. I feel like I have a thousand conflicting problems I cant express. I feel like commiting suicide really badly because it would be a relief. I want my youthful happy energy back and its not coming back. I feel like every day is a waste of time. Im not gaining any pleasure and I am becoming more and more bitter, even with eating sweet foods.

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Gracie is right. Gratitude is where it's at. Grateful for the sunshine, the air we breathe, the food we get to put in our bellies, grateful that we have jobs and money in our pay packets at the end of the week, grateful for the moon and the stars and the rainbow during a sun shower. Grateful for the computers we are all on, grateful for the forum that brings like-minded people together and grateful for the hours we get to sleep, regenerate and dream.
Many others around the world do not have money in their pockets, friends and support on the internet, food in their bellies. Many are watching their children die in their arms, suffering their homelands being bombed and know tomorrow will be no different.
Be grateful. Let the little things make your heart sing. That's where it's at :)



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