30 Bananas a Day!

This is completely unrelated to fruit or diet. I'm sorry, I know this is a forum for diets, but I trust and value the opinions and wisdom of my 811rv friends more than anyone else.


I've been living and working with my ex-boyfriend, Will, at a 5 star luxury lodge in Kaikoura, New Zealand (tiny town) for the last 3 months. We thought it would be fine, because we usually get along okay and are still supportive of and care about each other...long story short, almost as soon as we moved here, his attitude toward me mysteriously just...changed...He started acting so incredibly rude, disrespectful, and dismissive of me and my feelings...and didn't seem to care or notice how upset it made me. I've talked to him over and over about his behavior...at first it was "sorry, try to do better", but his response slowly morphed into "you're just being overly sensitive. Maybe it's how you deserve to be treated"


Anyway, we got in a fight last night and I asked him so many times to leave...he got so mad and he attacked me. He grabbed me by the neck really hard, threw me on the bed, shook me, and hit my head against the wall. I screamed at him to get out of the house and he grabbed my neck again, this time putting his hand over my nose and mouth, too, so I really couldn't breath. I managed to twist my neck so I could breath and he finally let me go. I screamed again, he tried to grab me again but I pulled myself away. After that I demanded he go or I'd call the cops. He reluctantly left while saying really horrible things like "you get what you deserve",  "you're so fat and disgusting", and my favourite "I never loved you, it was a joke". He stole my keys on the way out, so I slept on a coworkers couch last night in case he came back. I quit my job this morning and have packed, just have to wait for Monday to organize movers and a flight home. He's staying somewhere else until I leave. Luckily I'm incredibly well mineralized and didn't bruise much.


I think the worst part about it is everyone seems to be just brushing it off. My boss, the lodge owner, sat me down and gave me a lecture about how everyone's been in this situation, and sometimes men find themselves being "pushed" into doing things they never thought they would...i.e, it's my fault because I provoked him. Will has had his "sorry face" on all day (I haven't been apologized to) around his guy friends and the owners, who were all kind enough to take him out for a surf to "clear his head".

wtf about my head? I have to leave my job & income, my home, this beautiful town, my (few) new friends, move back in with my mother...the Baconater...and everyone is just turning their heads away from me when I walk by, or asking me "how's the packing going?". No one has even asked me if I'm hurt,  offered to take me to see a doctor (chiropractor is probably what I need, though as there's something off in my neck), or simply offered to talk to me about it, because I just got ASSAULTED by someone I trusted. The owner has been having several "deep and meaningful" talks with Will all day, in between beers, and probably stories of when his wife "provoked" him into beating up on her (he admitted to hitting her).


I just don't get it. I feel sad, confused, frustrated, abandoned, lied to, and scared. And I miss my dog so much, he would have given me so many cuddles and kisses once I got home. I don't know what to do or where to go now. I need a hug, a good one.

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Wow, real sorry to hear that. Sounds like your already doing all you can to stay away from him so thats good. I cant really think of anything logical why he did that but the fact that you know to get away is whats important. Sounds like you have the right plan. Go home, cuddle with your dog, regroup and make the next plan. Sorry again. Sounds like he snapped or something.
Erthmum, Jeremy, and Windlord...I'm drinking up your words...thank you, thank you, thank you



You sound like a beautiful soul whom deserves far more kindness and support then those around you are offering. I think it's for the best though, that you're getting out of the situation. And as awful as it seems now (and it is AWFUL) in the long run in my opinion it was a very quick and painful wake up call that atleast happened early on enough so that not much of your precious time, self worth and energy could be wasted long term.


If you where here I'd give you a huuuuuuuuuuuuge HUG! And some fruit:) You're going to be fine and much stronger because of this <3


Please update us on how you're doing over the next few days.



Lil, I am so sorry for your experience.  Protect yourself above all other considerations.   
Please don't internalize the words you heard.

Above all, may you remember--you are valuable and worthy of cherishing.

Hey Hanni,

I actually don't have skype...internet is very slow here :(

Thank you so much for the offer and for sharing your experience...our society is truly twisted. Love and thanks to you



I'm glad you're packed and leaving. While it's horrific to hear that he assaulted you, I find the reaction from others to be even more disturbing. He clearly is sick and needs to see a psychiatrist or counseling. I think the best advise though is to stay away from him, but also realize his behavior is part of his mental illness. That way, you don't hold onto hating him. Somewhere in his life, most likely during his childhood, he was abused. That being said, he is still 100% responsible for his actions, and I think you should press charges too. The most important thing is that you're safe and around true friends. And like Windlord said, you are worthy of true love, you deserve far better, and you will find someone else who treats you right in time.  *hugs*

that is outright assault, lil.

there is no need for "deep and meaningful" talks or such garbage for the oppressor.

this is a case for the police to handle - assuming there is law and order in that town.

what sort of backwards place is this where there is no one who will support the victim?


in friendship,


that guy is a manipulative, depraved scumbag. it's all his BS, not you.. people who are abusive often were abused, but that's never an excuse for that kind of behavior. and as for your boss/co-workers, I don't know if you just happen to be working in a backwards part of the world (often the case with small towns unfortunately), or if your 'friend' embellished on what actually took place to everyone. possibly both. luckily you're smart enough to get out now.. it seems more often than not women stay in violent, abusive relationships indefinitely. and it's unfortunate to be reminded how women are still treated as 2nd class citizens in many situations in today's world, including your former work environment. people do stupid, hurtful things when they live unconsciously, and injustice is caused to the innocent every moment of every day. you have to decide what to do next, and it will take time to get over the shock of all this, but I hope that you can soon align your life with your deepest convictions, and perhaps use your experiences to help others.
he died last week...forgot to put that in the post

I don't like to bring it up given what else has happened. BUT...Do you think it's possible that your ex put something in your dog's food. What was his age?


I'm really very sorry that you had to go through all this in such short time frame :'(


DIZZY posts - spreading love one post at a time!!!

he didn't have access to my dog, fortunately! He was 6 years old and diet of acute heart failure mysteriously.


Thanks, Dizzy

That is a horrific story and I just hope that you're okay now and safe. I hope you find the strength to report it with the police. Something has to be done about domestic violence in this country and I am saddened that it happened to a friend. I am sending you big hugs!!!

Please let me know, if there's anything I can do for you. I could come up to Greytown if that helps and we could catch up or do something together.

Everyone's post already express what I feel, so I hope you can get strength from everyone's words.


Big hugs to you, my friend and please let me know if there's anything I can do.



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