Hello everyone ^^
First, English is not my first language, so I'm sorry about mistakes.
I would ask you this; do you think a raw diet would help to cure an affective problem ?
I saw it as an awful feeling, that I have all the time.
It makes a low self-esteem (0%) + low self confidence - self esteem is what you feel from the interior, and when it is around 0%, you feel so bad that you would never have born in this world, and it's combined with low self confidence. All of this makes you feel awful, because you can't go out, you don't want. Although you would love to go out. You are terrified, because you can't have a personality. You simply can't. You lose control, like if you were dead. You don't feel alive, everyday, you want to be alone. Even friends, family, or whoever else, you can't see them without drastically increase the pain.
Social contact is not possible anymore without suffering a lot, a lot, and a lot.
This is me. I'm sorry to talk about me here, but I found this forum really wonderful, so... I decided to try. I would like to know if someone lives like this everyday too, feel like this, all the time, how does he overcome all of this.
Overnight, I decided to go raw (2 months ago now), to escape from this nightmare. I can't live with this. I would like to describe how AWFUL it is to live. I think that I saw some improvement since I went raw, yes. But I can't only hope about the raw food diet to overcome my problems, and I think I have something to do psychologically, but I don't know what. Everyday, I change some things about my thoughts, and I say to me : "I didn't know life was that ?" "So I have to think like that ?" "Actually, it wasn't it." "Ok, life is difficult so I can't have too much emotional and affective feelings all the time, because people would see me like a person to sensitive." "I don't understand people, what do they think ?" "I want think like them, to avoid suffering so muchh !!" "how I have to think ?" "I'm lost..." "I want a NORMAL LIFE T_T"
And I feel I underestimate myself most of the time, I know it, and I know my body, my soul, don't deserve this. And I also overestimate myself sometimes, even if I hide it, because, I hate it. I don't feel peace in my head. Never. My mother thought I was intellectually gifted when I was young, but I'm slow !!
I want to get out of this trap, I really want to live. If I can't live better, I will suffer a lot, Too much too much. And then, at one moment, I'll think about suicide, even if I don't want it. Or I'll be sick, I don't know. Reality is too painful for me. I want to overcome it, I'm sure I want. But with my actual feeling of everyday, I think that I never will overcome it, because I feel so weak, and dead, that this is so difficult to believe. Do you understand ?
I'm sorry to post this kind of message, but I have to talk. It's too hard to talk with people sometimes (I feel so bad...) and they might think I'm so egocentric and negative person. I know that's false. So false. I have positive energy. Lots of positive energy, because there are a lot of beautiful things in this world, and a lot of awful things we have to overcome, together. About earth health, people health, love, sharing, just living.
There is just something truly HEAVY which prevent me of feel like this (positive), and this is 99% of the time.
Which prevent me of loving people without being scared of their judgment all the time, and being everyday emotionnally, and affectively affected, by every people I meet, every people I know, or every people I love. I just want to get out of this trap.
Thank you for reading, this have already helped me a lot to write this.
Sorry to hear you are battling with low self esteem and confidence at the moment, not much fun:( Good on you for taking positive action and eating raw...that should make a difference if your body has chemical imbalances that are contributing to the negative thoughts and feelings you're having (I used to have low moods and irrationally negative states of mind after eating refined sugar/caffeine/gluten foods).
Have you got some other goals too? Small goals that you can check off can be a big help in learning what YOU want/who you are, and be motivating and confidence-building once you achieve them. Even goals like writing an affirmations list each day, or trying a class or group that interests you, or deciding to learn about a topic that you'd like to understand well, making something, growing something, or training for a sporting event if you're into that... Talking to a counsellor/psychologist about what you're going through may be good too. You're great, remember:) Just from your post it's easy to see that you are a thoughtful, sensitive, honest, resilient, responsible and likeable person. There's nothing wrong with You, you're just going through a bad time and there will be reasons behind it. Hugs and best wishes xo
getting 3000 + calories help me improve my confidence and ability to "deal " & communicate my truth in everyday life face to face
do not underestimate carbing the fruit up !
oh yeah i tried everything else from buddhism to therapy and hundreds of self help books
nothing compares to CTFU for esteem