30 Bananas a Day!

I've been hclf raw til4 vegan for a while now. Since November so about 4 months now. I thought I lost 5 pounds in the beginning but I'm the exact same weight.
Health is my life. I love it. Studying it, thinking about it, researching it. But I've developed a weird obsession. I love to read watch or know about stuff but it's harder to put it into practice. 

I have had, and continue to have to a smaller degree, a bad relationship with food. I didn't think I had an eating disorder but I guess I did. More of body dysmorphia though.  

I'm getting better at following the guidelines about calories sleep and water. But it is really hard to know when you're obsessing too much and or just trying to do it perfectly. I've been very lax with myself about eating out, decaf coffees and overt fats here and there. Not a lot.Just enough to ... I guess prove that I'm not obsessing. 
The problem is that I'm not losing any weight. I feel great now and I want everyone else to as well but I'm not being an example and I want to move on to the losing part.

Is it because Of my lack of strictness? 
I also just recently started exercising. Is that it?
I don't know what to do and looking at myself in the mirror makes me depressed sometimes when I see the cellulite and misshapen thighs....
Help. I just want to be thin already. I've never been thin in my life and I want to stop thinking about it.  

Also, I can't seem to get good recipes.. or make them well. And I'm left with bland dinners that make me want to quit.

Any advice?

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Bland dinners...Lordy! That's no good! So I do a pasta sauce - 1 bottle good pasta sauce (organic + low fat) + chopped cherry tomatoes + small handfull sundried tomatoes (chopped fine) + coconut sugar to taste + fresh herbs of your choice...cook gently til combined and pour over cooked pasta of choice...I use quinoa or corn pasta. Eat with your favourite lettuce. Or...roast small pieces of sweet potato and creamy dutch potatoes and cover with chopped shallot, add a small dollop of hummus, teeny sprinkle of salt and gobble! A lovely large salad covered in a raw sauce made in your blender is delicious (or pour your sauce over zoodles) Yumm...nothing bland here :D Good luck with everything! <3 

Do you eat tender leafy greens regularly? It's what makes me feel much more satisfied with my food, I blend them with my bananas :) Greens could help you skip the less healthy food or at least help to 'neutralize' it. Also greens have a lot of omega 3 and minerals that we need.

Another thing, a lot of people out there would consider this diet obsessive. But, try to imagine yourself as an athlete who needs to stay at the top form. Exercise helps as well (for the stress especially).

Depending on how unhealthy you were before you started, it could take years before seeing any real posative results. Your body needs to heal all the nutrient deficits, then your body needs to trust that the food drought is over and can release the stored emergency energy it has been holding on to. I have been on the lifestyle for a bit over two years now. Only a couple months ago did my clothes start fitting looser. Pay attention to what you eat. Make sure you get enough carbs/sugars, water, and sleep. Excersize. And be patient. It will happen over time.

awesome helpful comments here. Liberty this is a lifestyle change .. you'll notice it but think about how old you are compared to 4 months worth of doing this. 4 months is like 3% of your life hahah maybe even less ! you need to be doing it for way longer before you notice it overcome your past history and begin to see the massive benefits. give it 1-2 or even few more years !

???

As far as tasty food  goes, i really like to take frozen corn and nuke it, then put cilantro and lemon juice on it, I also like romain lettuce as my go to green, and a lot of potatoes, i would suggest the waxy ones like yukon gold or red. Oh also frozen peas add a lot to a dish. I also eat nutritional yeast on some of my food, but thats not endorsed by the site... im a bad bad man. 

Oh lemon juice is also good on bananas... well and everything else i guess, its kind of salty tasting, and nice and tangy.

Basically at the end of the day, I prefer the feeling of satiation more than i prefer the taste a lot of the times, but it tastes pretty good too haha.

I'm replying to everyone:

Thanks for the recipe advice, they're super helpful. does anyone know where I could buy nutritional yeast? I've been wanting to try it but I can't find it.
I eat salads less than I should but more so lately. Like twice a week now. Which is way more than I was. 

I was pretty healthy before. I was vegetarian for 4 months before I went vegan and I always opted for the healthy option when it came to meal time. I never calorie restricted consciously for more than a couple days or a week at a time like 4 years ago.

I understand that it's a small part of my life. haha. You're totally right. It's just difficult to let it go when 1. all the other fad diets have people dropping weight in weeks and 2. I've never been skinny and I want to know what it feels like 3. I want to get it out of the way early so that I can...I guess maximize my skinny life?... Honestly it's because of a lot of things like deep seated insecurities that I don't know how to deal with.

How do I deal with people telling me I'm unhealthy? I want to show them it's working but it's not visible yet I guess.

I spend way more time in artificial light than in natural. It's cloudy and wintery now.

That makes a lot of sense actually and that's what I feel like. Thank you! I'm going to take a walk everyday now.

Yo Liberty btw this is a lifestyle change. You cannot let people who do want you to succeed drag you down. Do not give them the time and attention. Give your love to those deserving of it.

Don't stress. Stress is the killer. Create your home environment to be as peaceful and progressive to your dreams as possible. Do the same to your work and relationships.

Anything weighing too heavily on you, release it man. Be a good girl, live by virtues. Invest your energy wisely into positive things that have positive returns. It'll take time but eventually everything will compound and you'll blossom.

Thanks man. It's really nice to hear that. I'm going to work on lessening the stress and piling up the positivity.

 

For some of us our bodies dont want to be skinny. They love holding onto fat, and thats just how we are. Unfortunately you seem to be one of those people. However the body adapts. Sometimes it doesnt want to but the body always adapts, its evolution. So sometimes the only way to make ur body do what u want is to force it through exercise. Look at giant bodybuilders. There bodys dont want to be that ridiculous and huge, but if your lifting hundreds of pounds of weight every day ur body is gonna go fuck I better gain some muscle so I can lift all this weight an not kill mysellf. Its the same with exercise. Ur body doesnt want to be skinny? sometimes u gotta force it. EIther HIIT or prolonged low intensity exercise. Do it long enough and ur body wont have any other choice other than to adapt

Do you use birth control?
Sometimes they make you retain water, or fat.
Do you use a lot of stimulants in the past? Maybe ure metabolism is damaged...
I would recomend you to do some meditation every day visualizing your goal, write it down, make drawings of how do you want to look, visualize yourself as how you want to be, feeling that you are already living your goal. Be happy and dont stress about it! Stress makes youre body ineficient in burning fat. Walk a lot in youre every day routine, take sunshine when you can, and be happy, have fun!!!
I like eating raw with some fat in it, of course lower than 10% some days more fat than others, some days no fat at all. I realized it works for me better than raw till 4.... Idk, maybe u have to try it... When i do raw till 4 (somedays) I like quinoa, sweet corn, potatoes or rice with a lot of veggies in it like a rissoto... And sushi! Try making your own sushi it is soo good! Put a los of veggies and some lime or lemon juice in it, also some tomato sauce in everything low sodium, or make ure own tomato sauce, (sundried tomatoes, fresh tomatoes, lemon juice, coconut or cane sugar or stevia drops = blend!)
For raw dinner options I love a lot of romaine lettuce and some tahinni with orange juice or pinneaple. Or cashew with rosemary... just about two tablespoons of cashews (soaked) and some water with 1 tbsp of rosemary, lemon juice and spinach... Blend it...over one head of lettuce and tomatoes... It is heaven.
Hope that helps! Good luck!

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