30 Bananas a Day!

So, I've fallen back. Worse than ever before.

I have a history of disordered eating and still have very bad habits. A lot more than I realised, until recently. I won't go into too much detail about them, but will say this:

I either eat too much ((bad foods - junk foods - non-foods..)) or don't eat enough. I don't know why, I can't seem to find a good balance.

I have been unemployed for a long time, struggling to find work for ages. This makes my mind very idle - I struggle to do anything and find that it is very hard to get motivated. Here's where I am right now..

I was doing pretty well back in November - fruits for breakfast and lunch, potatoes/sweet potatoes or rice for dinner. Then got a Christmas job, working nights. My sleep is usually quite poor, but this REALLY messed it up. I know, I should have tried harder. I was working from 22:00 - 06:00 and I wouldn't get home until 07:30 some mornings. Then I would struggle to sleep, feeling quite awake, until midday. So I'd get to sleep at 12:30ish, then get woken by family ((still living at home)) until I had to get up at 19:30ish. So, not enough sleep. As Christmas was approaching, I was feeling rushed to finish Christmas shopping and trying to fit everything in on-time. So I started to grab rice cakes and corn thins when I got home, instead of cooking, because I felt too tired and burned-out. Then tried some store-bought salsa on them, and it all went down-hill..

This probably sounds really silly, but I am still in this rut, still eating high-salt and junk-foods almost-daily. I'm home alone a lot and the rain and wind haven't really ceased since December, which means I keep talking myself out of getting out there on my bike or going for a run. I have depression and struggle usually, but these past few weeks have been really bad.

Please could anyone give me any tips to get out of this rut?? I struggle to sleep, keep grabbing my Dad's and my brother's junk foods, have been getting a lot of acid-reflux and hormone imbalances. I feel unstable and very vague, unaware, if this makes sense. But as much as I want to get back on track, I just can't seem to - no matter how many motivation videos I watch, how much Freelee and Durianrider I watch on YouTube. Every step feels too big and now I just feel like I'm making excuses :( .

Any help / tips / advice would be really appreciated.

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Okay first of all stop the junk food, only you can do it!! Either go fully raw, or cooked vegan, but stop with salt and salsa and stuff!! I know you can do it! And try to join a gym, and try to see if you can change your hours somehow!!! You need sleep girl! You can do it!!

Thanks. Feel like I need a tough "get on with it" response, need to stop this. Going to make a food plan / recipe menu kinda thing.

Wish I could join a gym, but have no job and no money right now.. Not helping with the depression and motivation.

Going back to cooked vegan - Raw til 4. Have been so far from that lately and feeling it..

I have empathy. I've been here again and again and I'm coming to realize that where your mind is, so too is your body. There's a constant battle between mind and soul and at the moment your mind is in control.  You know it's no good as you wouldn't be posting on here.  Bring your issues into reality - write a 'pros and cons' list. From what you write, take out anything that is not serving you in a positive way.  There may be also underlying conditions as to why you eat certain foods (emotional issues, lacking vits. & minerals ...) so those should also be thought about and addressed. I came across this today which may help - http://www.pinterest.com/pin/64317100902861323/. Non of what I've offered is concise but it can be a starting point for you.   It's also about not giving yourself a hard time as every lesson never comes easy - we can learn from the 'dark'. For me, each time it happens, I accept it and understand that it will not last forever and now when it does happen it only compounds that the raw diet is the only way in which I feel at my best. Love yourself, accept yourself.  The limitations you put upon yourself are in your mind. Your mind can be your best friend or your worse enemy. The fact that you know from within that this is the right path shows that you are on the right path and that it WILL come to you. Even if you end up 70% raw for the rest of your life, praise yourself for doing so fantastically. You will come to a place that is comfortable for you and you alone. Do not listen to ANYONE where that level of comfort is because only YOU know that. Do not feel pressured in any way about what you should be doing as your own body, mind and spirit will naturally come to a balance and let you know. It an unwritten agreement between them all. You WILL get there. Namaste. xxx

Also, I know getting up, getting dressed and heading out there seems such a huge task when you are in this rut.  Through my experience, once you get out there you wonder why you didn't do it sooner because you feel great.  If you can't do if for yourself at present, would it help to suggest to give something to someone else - just to give you that kick up the backside. Is there a dog that you could walk while someone is out a work? Have you any neighbours who may benefit from you doing some shopping for them or help them around their house/garden?  The aim here is to focus on someone else other than what it is you are feeling - I know, easier said than done, but when you take the emphasis away from you it makes it easier. How great does it feel to help someone, to make them smile, to appreciate the kind acts of others? You will probably make their day - what a fantastic gift to someone. Oh, and if you decide to just go out for you and walk in the woods, along a river, or wherever, remember that whoever you come across - just smile. A smile goes a long way. You deserve the happiness and to feel great about yourself - the more love you give, the more you receive.

It is hard to break a bad cycle of behavior.  However, we have all had to do it.  One thing that might help with the exercise is finding people around you to do some activity, perhaps a bicycling club or a running club.  It always sucks being the new person but once you get to know some people, it might be a lot of fun.  I bike with a  local mountain biking club.  A lot of the members are vegan.  It helps keep me focused to be involved with others.

Exercise and good eating are two sides of the same coin.  

Agree here Greg. Jadeish it's for you to find the balance of what is right for yourself. Personally, I enjoy walking, running and cycling alone as I can go at my own pace; that way I don't put the feeling of pressure upon myself in trying to keep up with / leaving someone behind.  You have to delve deep and find where it is that YOU feel comfortable and not to question it - your intuition is usually right. And that intuition will change and your comfort zones will change - the trick is 'what is right for you NOW?'.  You may well benefit from joining a club as you may need the motivation of others ... whatever it is, go with it, embrace it, live it.  Like Greg said, 'we have all had to break bad cycles' -  when I first joined here I posted about my drinking problem (and more) and it's something I'm living with on a daily basis. I found my own trigger to help me not drink and it's not something that anyone that I know has done - for them, it doesn't work. For me (at this time) it's the only thing that works.

Exercise and good eating are two sides of the same coin but when your head is in battle it's hard to get to that place (heck, it's not like we don't know that nugget of info., right).  Take what you can from all the advise you get and make it work for you. xxx 



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