30 Bananas a Day!

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Share it with people who do..

Rawbert,

I will review this later as I have to run out today.

However, I do not agree with spanking.  

First of all, it seems very hypocritical in the society I live in would lock someone up in jail for assault and battery, and sometimes for years, if they hit a stranger on the street or abused another adult the way people abuse their children.  

But get this, in my local school system, they sent home a note saying spanking was not against their rules as long as it does not injure or leave a mark.

I almost flipped my wig.  I had some friends who lived in Eastern Europe during the days of communism and during the cold war.  A few of them survived the concentration camp type of prison they had over there.  One of the techniques of torture was to beat someone with a rubber hose in such a way it does not leave a mark.  

Sigh.  

I wish we lived in more open and relaxed societies like primates do or some tribal people do.  Children should be free to play and run outside and make messes and get dirty.  We have set up our homes like museums and if  Jonny breaks the glass or goes running through the house, he gets spanked.  

Children are very curios and should have freedom of speech.  And yet sometimes when they simply question their parents as to why, they get slapped for back talk. 

And now our educational system.  In tribal systems, what we might label as special needs kids and try to conform to a traditional classroom, would be allowed to roam and play free.  

Thats my rant and I am sticking to it:(

Peace, PK

@Graig,

They were not from the USSR.  

Perhaps not everyone under communism suffered, but religious people and political activists did.  In this country, Christians and Muslims were persecuted.  

BTW, my friend from the USSR did see churches and mosques bulldozed including her own.  When I share these stories, it is not from a media or text book point of view, but from people I have actually known.  

Peace, PK

@Peter, 

I am not intending to make a blanket statement about the system of communism.  Rather, I was stating the policies of several communist countries at that time. 

Peace, PK

PK,

I was born in 1978 in Romania (in Transylvania as a Hungarian minority) and I was 11 when Ceausescu's dictatorship ended.

Child an wife abuse was all over the place back then.

We got beat up in the school on a regular basis. Spanking, pinching, hitting, kicking, whatever the preferred method of the teacher was.. they used rulers, pointers, pens, chalk sticks, bare hands, etc.. every teacher had different methods.. our 1-4 grade teacher used a wooden pointer and if it broke on your back YOU had to bring a new one.. some kids were beat up so badly they were bleeding and a lot of them lost their fingernails..

Back then violence was the norm.. men beat up their wives, men/women beat up their children.. police beat up anybody for even a 'bad' political joke.. You got beat up on the streets if you spoke other than the state's official language.. etc, etc.. it was a crazy place/time to live in, yet it seemed 'normal' to us at the time because that was the only reality we knew.. a few years later things changed and I healed but can't say it didn't leave any marks.. so this is why I feel so strongly about these issues because I grew up with violence all around me and I know damn well that it doesn't do any good to any children or adult..

There is always a better way, there is always a peaceful way and at least we as vegans who don't harm animals should use and promote non-violent practices when it comes to children..

I agree with you that children should be brought up in a relaxed and free environment, the current state prisonschool system is a horrible place..

It goes against everything natural, I just can't imagine.  My views on physical harm to children solidified the day my first child was born and my in-laws were trying to get him circumcized while I was in recovery.  My husband asked me and I said 'over my dead body'.  From there was born my no harm to children policy.  The absolute very hardest thing for me as a mother is seeing the physcal harm they do each other!!

There is a society that has been created, at least in the US, where children are treated as second class citizens.  You can hit them, though it is illegal to hit someone your own size!!  Makes no freaking sense.  Kids are taught that their opinion doesn't matter, only adults know what's going on.  Only adults can make decisions, do difficult things and make rules.  No wonder so many people grow up hitting their kids.  Change in our society should start with how we treat our children.  With respect, love,  and regard to their developmental stages.  Meeting the needs of the children, not spanking them into submission, that's the way.

 

@ "I wish we lived in more open and relaxed societies like primates do or some tribal people do.  Children should be free to play and run outside and make messes and get dirty."

PK, you'd like it at my house:)

 

+1 Mary.  It seems I already do:D  Peace, PK

Thanks for taking the time to type this, Lilie.

I have a 9 yr old and we're very close now, but I contemplate the teen years with a mixture of excitement and concern. I know that part of her growing independence will mean putting some distance between us, and not always gently :)... completely age appropriate and neccessary.

Still I want her to feel she can come to us and feel loved and cherished and understood. You sound as though you have this with your mother.

And what a strong person your Mom must be to have been able to see past the way she was raised and ackowledge that just because her parents hit her didn't mean it was right, and then have the courage and lack of ego to make real and important changes. Lucky you.

All parents make mistakes, for sure, it's just so important not to get stuck in dogma and patterns and to stop, see the small person in front of you. Not the person you want her to be, or think she should be but who she actually is, and then act thoughtfully.

Also, Lilie, I want to add how great it is that you're generously allowing your Mom to rethink and recalibrate her parenting approach, without undue resentment and bitterness. That take a lot of maturity and compassion.

S.

we live in a rough place its up to each of us to be kinder to every living being and this INCLUDES ourselves.

fortunately we are an evolving species .

kindness is the way  to personal happiness and beyond

doug

Despite the points of this vid and it saying that my opinion is more or less invalid, I personally benefited from mild abuse as a kid, as I never repeated the actions that caused me to get abused in the first place. My 30 year old brother was abused a lot and still brings it up to this day. I think one of the reasons he used drugs so often and for so long was to cope with it. Some benefit and learn quickly, some get damaged. Not worth the risk IMO.

I think taking away freedom (grounding, time-outs) or a punishment directly linked to the crime (cleaning up spilled (banana) milk or a messy room) is more effective in that it creates a consequence (or better yet, a solution) without the physical abuse and potential emotional trauma. Like the vid implies, consequences in adulthood don't inflict physical pain (i.e. getting a ticket for speeding), so why should they in children? It's interesting, because these adult consequences are more relateable to losing something (freedom, money, etc.) than giving abuse. Like, if you slack at work, you can lose your job. If you drive drunk or wreckless, you don't get taken over the knee lol, you lose your freedom to drive. It's just smarter.

Spanking does not make a better behaved child.  Also, hitting your dog doesn't work either.  Though I will tell you my dog was easier to train. ;)

NEVER.

I'll never understand how one can imagine that they are "teaching" their child, their small child, something useful by resorting to violence and humiliation.

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