Over the last week I have been watching videos and reading about veganism and the impacts of consuming animal products. I knew it was going to be hard to tell my mum that I wanted to go vegan and I finally gained the courage to tell her after a couple of days and her reaction was worse than I thought. She said over my dead body and that she was disappointed with me. She thinks I'm being extreme and that I am doing it to lose weight and that all Im going to eat is salads. She threatened to take me to the doctors. She will not cook me any vegan meals and thinks all Im going to eat is salads which is unhealthy. I have had troubles with her before thinking that Im too skinny for my height, when Im actually only slightly underweight and that I exercise more than the food i consume (if that were true I would be losing weight which im not and I only exercise maybe about 3-4 times a week). She is always telling me that I need to put on weight. I tried to reassure her that I am not doing this for health reasons and that it is not right how animals are treated. (even though i said Id actually be eating more and be healthier) but she wouldnt have a bar of it. She said that God put them here for a reason to eat. She said if i dont put on weight she will take me out of my modelling. Can someone please help me with this and how I might be able to convince her that vegan-ism is better for us and the animals. HELP ME BE VEGAN.
Thanks for the support. How do you go about doing it "correctly"? I thought of maybe getting bloods done to show that it will be good for my health? also how do you think i could go about talking to her again?
You go about doing it correctly by taking care of your 3 pillars of health: Sugar ,Water, Sleep. Keep those in mind always. Sugar is on the bottom and water and sleep are on the top. Think of sleep and water as interchangeable... If you don't get enough of one , increase the intake of the other. Always enough sugar.
As for the blood work, I think that's a great idea, except you may want to wait 6months at least to get it done after starting the lifestyle. Keep in mind to eat enough, and if you don't, think about a B12 supplement.
As for your mother... I'm sorry it's a struggle at home. I really am. I'm sorry it seems like you can't be the best ,healthiest person you can be at home. But this is a safe place for you here, where we are able to help you become your greatest self. :)
To speak to your mom
lifestyle: To speak to your mother, you have to make it certain you are not trying to undereat. I don't know what her personality is like, but you may want to discuss how much you're going to eat.
Ethics: as for the "God put animals on this earth for us" , be cautious and make sure she is in a open/receptive mood when you bring up points why that's not true. You don't want her thinking you're being defiant and just attacking her beliefs. It's hard to give advice due to my ignorance on how your mother acts.
Much light and love,
There is a very large body of scientific literature supporting vegan lifestyles. If your mom is open to science, then try showing her some of the best videos promoting it. Michael Greger's "Uprooting the Leading Causes of Death" is a favorite of mine. Or try some basics - there's not a single nutrient we need, that isn't easily found in plant-based sources. Or show her all the vegan bodybuilders! That works on some people :D
Also a tip on debating - if you're selling a lifestyle or some new way of thinking, it's important to really embody the benefits of whatever you're selling, so the person you're debating with can see the positive changes that your different perspective has given you. If that makes sense. Like, becoming aware of the suffering of animals can make a person more compassionate, more in tune with themselves, and people around you will take notice.
That's also why public protests rarely work - because it's telling every onlooker "join me in my pain and discontent!"
Ok, so there are lots of variables. Cost, Health, family Harmony, Modelling etc.
So perhaps focus on one at a time. But deal with them as a vegan. Declare yourself to be vegan, and if you need to explain, then explain. But why is it, no one else needs to explain their eating preferences? People who eat lots of cake, don't need to explain this, people who eat lots of dead animals don't need to explain. So, why do you need to explain?
if you do need to explain, cost is easy to justify. Go to your supermarket, and note down the cost per kilo/pound; rice, pasta, potatoes, sweet potatoes, bananas, oranges, apples, steak, pork chops, chicken breast, carrots, broccoli, cabbage. Proof that it will not be more expensive, to the contrary, as per third world countries who live on grains and fruit, it will be cheaper.
Health - we really not having to justify fruits and vegetables on health grounds are we? maybe just suggest your ma goes and studies nutrition. It is quite clear, and everyone KNOWS fruits and greens are healthy.
Family Harmony - this is just a symptom of being a clever and caring girl. Unfortunately, when you unplug yourself from the matrix, those around who are still plugged in, find themselves at odds with you. It took my father nearly two years before he cooked our family an entirely vegan meal. He was very proud when he did though :) Just understand it will be a little difficult to begin with, but it will sort out. All they have to do is cook extra veg, or extra pasta, really cheap, simple, no problems caused.
Modelling - this is where you actually have your biggest weapon. At the moment, this is possibly your biggest fear, so turn it around. What matters most? Modelling, or innocent animal lives. If you are vegan, you won't be held to ransom by this. Just say, you are not prepared to have animals suffer, for the sake of modelling. Animals don't get such choices or privilege. You can use your soul and looks when you are older for a much greater good. When you explain that you are vegan no matter what, it might make your family realise you are serious and this is not something you are going to 'grow out of'.
Do it for the animals, who have no voice. :)
I tried talking to her again and she got so mad. They she said that it is not happening under this roof. She said that if your not eating meat etc, she said that
Apparently the information on the internet is bullshit and that not everything you read on the internet is true. She said next you are going to tell me you are going to eat organic and then wont eat plants etc due to them being genetically modified and having sprays on them. I said that animals have feelings and cant be treated that way et but they were like o but what about plants, you don’t know what plants feel (tried to explain that it is completely different and that you don’t have the same feeling when you hurt an animal vs plant. And then your going to stop using your car because of oil and oil spills etc you are supporting that industry.
Im stupid, ignorant and gullible apparently.
She said why do you think animals are here on this earth, they here to be eaten and to use their products as humans. And they keep coming back to the fact that God put animals on the earth for us.
I told them about how I don’t agree with the way that they are treated – they don’t believe it happens in nz
They basically said that it is because of my health, is why they don’t want me doing it. They think that my health is going to suffer. I said that this was going to be beneficial to my health and that I would be eating more. And then I got the question well why you weren’t eating more before, everyone in the family thinks you look unhealthy and sick as it is and think that I am going to be worse off. You aren’t getting regular periods, you don’t eat enough and look tired – they say. A lot of other people don’t think that I am too skinny they think I am fine.
I said give me a chance on this lifestyle and ill show you that I will be healthy. They said no way and said that I cannot cut out a whole food group and be healthy, that you need to have a variety of food in your diet. They said a lot of vegans end up on supplements (my mum knew a couple of vegans) and said that you should be getting everything for your food, I explained that people who eat meat still take supplements but they were like because they aren’t getting enough through their diet. They said that where are you going to get iron, there is not nearly as much iron in plants compare to meat and that I would have to eat a whole bucket of spinach to get enough. I said let me show the information. But they pretty much said it was the end of discussion.
She said ill take you to the doctor and show you that you are underweight and unhealthy as it is at the moment. Which isn’t really fair because even if I am unhealthy I am not going to be able to show a difference in my health if I cant go on this lifestyle. Now I think she will take me to the doctors anyway without going on this life style and try fattening me up with meat and dairy.
How can I make them understand that it is not going to affect my health and that I will be better off.
They wont even give me a chance
Don't give up no matter what! Try to keep calm even if your mom is upset. You might actually try to go to the doctors on your own and talk to him/her about going vegan because maybe your doctor isn't as ignorant as you might think and maybe he actually knows/admits the benefits of going vegan. If that's the case, you can return with your mom and let her have a chat with your doctor. Just a suggestion.
I think you might be taking too strong of an approach with her.
Don't try to tell her to change everything she is doing just because you have had a change of heart.
Change what you are doing. Go in the kitchen and cook yourself something healthy (and don't leave her a big mess to clean up). Offer to share. I bet she would really appreciate the help. Let her go ahead and cook all the meat and cheese she wants to for the other family members. You don't have to eat it.
If you find that you cannot eat what she makes for you, then show her that you are mature enough to take responsibility to prepare your own meals without inconveniencing her. After a while, ask her to add a few items to the grocery list if you need to. If you have done this in a non-threatening way, she will probably be happy to help you out.
Many people think vegans only eat salads. Create a few healthy filling recipes that show this isn't the case.
I did not take a strong approach, i didnt tell them what they are doing is wrong, i simply stated that it was personal choice that i felt was right for me. I said that it is not going to be a hassle that all that needs to be done is to leave out meat from my portion and add more rice pasta or rice. She probably wont let me at dinner make my whole own meal......
When I first went vegan 10 years ago, my dad still lived in the house. He was an asshole of course because he taught me to kill animals. But actually when he realized it wasn't an experiment, no one made snide comments anymore. But it was hard because my dad would only buy meat and cheese products, so a lot of the time I eat peanut butter sandwiches, and crackers, and finally My mom and him divorced, and and my boyfriend moved in with us, and he went vegan as well. My mom bought us vegan food, but my grandma really saved us because she started making us dinner every night. And she prepared vegetables from her garden, and so I ate mostly potatoes, beans, tomatoes, corn, peas, and all that every night.
Basically what you gotta do is tell them to fu*k off and that you're cooking and preparing everything for yourself, and if she don't feed you the food you want to eat, that you'll start foraging your own food and growing your own food if it comes to that.
yeah it's that important because lives are at stake. Tell her that the first page of the bible says that god put all plants here for us to consume, not animals. and the bible says thou shalt not kill--"he" wasn't specific what or who.
Educate yourself on the effects of high protein high fat diets, how milk leeches calcium from your bones to neutralize the pH of your blood. Carbs are the brain's main source of energy, so eat lots of fruit.
Here is ten years of experience within my blog if you're interested. Considering it's a gardening blog, you might want to type in the search bar "vegan", "diet", "mono meals", "how vegans get their protein", etc: http://veganslivingofftheland.blogspot.com
i said to today that im really sorry how everything went last night and that i didnt want things to go like that. i said that i understand that they are trying to do what is best for me and that they want me to be healthy - then she interrupted and said but you think you know best- i said no i dont and that is not where i am heading with this. I said that i want to talk about this in a calm manner instead of everyone arguing. I dont think she really understands why i want to be vegan, she thinks that doing it for the sack of animals being killed isnt really good enough (i need to explain other reasons apparently), especially as they have done scientific studies to show that when you kill a plant before its time it can feel hurt too and then i should stop eating plants too. And that i shouldnt be removing them from my diet just because of this. And how far does this go, that means you shouldnt drive your car due to the carbon monoxide etc. I said animal agriculture has far worse impacts and is the leading cause of the environmental impacts. She said you wont be able to eat bread and pasta etc as they often contain eggs or milk and even if they dont they are made near or in the same place as dairy and meat so their is cross contamination. She said what about the places that can only eat meat due to their land not being able to support the crops and have to survive on meat, am i going to condemn those people for eating meat and others. She said that she will have a bit of look at some things FINALLY but doesnt necessarily mean that she will consider the idea of me being vegan . What can I do/say, what info and documentaries might change her heart or at least be more accepting to the idea ? - preferably stuff that is not going to take too much time as i feel she might not spend that much time letting me show her things to get her to understand.
Search from youtube "the best speech you will ever hear" by Gary Yourofsky and try that. It's a good sign that she will 'look at things', it can take time but I bet she will be more and more acceptable, especially if she sees how well you are doing. But remember that nothing can stop you for being vegan. Hopefully she'll understand.