I'm 5 ft 5 and last September, I weighed 126 lbs. Shortly afterward, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. After I came home, I ate lots of fruit and exercised. I gained the weight back, but then a few extra pounds as well. At this time, the doctors were encouraging lots of nuts, seeds & peanut butter. My weight wasn't going anywhere and I still had flubber all over me. So about 2 months in, I cut down drastically on fat & amped up my carbs. I was eating lots and lots of cooked brown rice and oatmeal, potatoes, and as much fruit as I could, being under my parents' roof (who won't let me go fruitarian). But all those grains and potatoes were requiring me to take a LOT of insulin in order to process. Probably about 20-30 units per bowl of rice.
Well. Since then, my weight SKYROCKETED to 162 lbs. Just to put that into perspective, that's on the brink of obesity for my height. And no, it was absolutely not muscle. It was definitely fat. You could see it all over my body. I was starting to get a hint of a second chin.
When I went to my last endocrinologist appointment and saw that number, I burst into tears. I don't understand how this could've happened. Why are all you people getting lean as @#$$ eating this way, but everything I eat turns me into a gigantic big fat walrus???? I'm so tired of battling my weight. I've tried eating healthier and healthier for YEARS, and I had been eating tons of carbs and next to no fat for months, hoping, believing that this weight gain was only initial/temporary, that my body was balancing, etc, but it never came back down! With every endo visit, I'd find out I'd gained at least 10 more pounds.
So, terrified of gaining even more fat, I've been starving myself for a month and have lost 16.4 pounds so far. I'm just hoping someone can give me a decent explanation and save me from this hell of being fat. Nothing else is working. This is the first time I've seen the number on the scale go down so much in my entire life.
Just so you know, I had emailed Dr. McDougall earlier, and his advice was everything I had been doing, which is obviously not helping. Also, I've had 2 gluten allergy tests, and both came back negative. Lastly, I don't know if it's the insane amount of insulin I have to take in order to process them, but grains make me feel REALLY sick after I eat them. I can't focus, I have the worst mind fog, and I feel really heavy and downright awful.
Nice post Mar! I think it really is a matter of reprogramming deeply rooted habit patterns and beliefs, it can take time and effort to get all those roots! ;)
Thank you for your replies, everyone. I am really trapped right now, however. I have one semester of school left to go and I have no way of getting a job or moving out because of it. And when I do get a job, it needs to be better paying than minimum wage, even full time, since my diabetes medicine costs a lot per month as would my apartment and food alone. I will be expecting weight gain when I go fruitarian, but since I know that no other way of eating makes more sense, I am going to stick with it.
But here's the other problem I've been having... my ENTIRE family eats soooooooooo freaking little, and it makes me feel horribly horribly guilty to eat around them. Just over Christmas, for example, I swear they all had like one scoop of pasta with sauce and they were all loudly complaining about how full they were. Look at the size of your hand and that's literally how much they ate. Then, there are so many days where my mom tells me about how she forgot to eat all day or how she's barely eaten anything in the last few days, or my sister going on about how she hasn't eaten all day, and Christ, I STILL eat more than them, but neither of them are sick at all! And my dad's jumped on the train recently too- he eats about half of what's on his plate and claims he's full. Today, the family got together to eat, and while they were eating their tiny portions, I filled a shallow dinner-plate sized bowl with baby kale greens, one can of kidney beans, some carrots and some marinara for sauce. My cousins go "You're going to eat ALL of that?" and my sister goes "I could only eat half of that." I felt so damn guilty after eating it, that I went into the bathroom and cried.
Not to mention, on Christmas, my cousin brought over her boyfriend, who was in the navy, and he was talking about all the "fat chicks" who were there and did not slim down at all, but "ballooned out" during training, and he was talking about how ugly they were and how they kept eating, and blahblahblah. Then, my aunts kept complaining about how they looked fat in their pictures and they made jokes about sucking themselves in before the camera and announcing what weight they'd like to fake. And my family constantly remarks about how so and so "ballooned out" and how some celebrity is fat (when they looked just like me at 160 lbs) and so my family is pretty consistent in their fat-shaming, and it makes me feel so much worse when I realize that they would all look down on me SO much if I became fat again. I fear so much that they would never accept me and that they'd all whisper behind my back about how I "ballooned out". I would feel so wretchedly ashamed in front of them.
When I was trying to get maximum carbs in before, and I filled my plate with rice, and ate lots of bananas, my mom consistently told me how I was eating too much fruit, too much rice, a LOT of food, etc etc. I tried to tell my mom that I knew how to take care of myself and to trust my grocery decisions (she knows how much I study nutrition) and when I picked out two bags of brown rice and three bunches of bananas, she snapped at me and angrily told me, in the middle of the store, to put them back. It was f-cking humiliating. And as I was gaining weight, she put a f-cking scale in my bathroom.
I'm currently visiting family in another state (I haven't seen them in 3 years), and as far as my family in this state knows, I've just maintained my weight this whole time. They don't know I was 30 lbs heavier and starved it off before coming. And I have the awful knowledge that if I came to see them at 160 lbs, they would look down on me and whisper behind my back. I know it shouldn't matter what family thinks of you, but I already have felt like the outcast enough on this side of the family. I want to feel like I belong at least somewhat. I still love them.
There's just so much working against me right now. I feel so very trapped.
lulz. I wish I could eat at your families place. Id turn up wearing no shirt and with Freelee in a bikini and we would comment about how starved they must be living on rations. They would be like 'oh my! you 2 are so thin! but where does all that food go?? how do you afford to eat so much!, I wish I could eat all I want and stay rail thin and healthy long term...'.
You should move to Cambodia, Kenya or Uganda. Maybe Laos. Insulin is mega cheap and so are carbs. You would only need 1-2000USD a year to live comfortably.
I bet you could eat at least twice as much as my mom, dad, and sister combined.
I'm definitely looking around at other countries. I'd like to be an animator or manga artist and would like a place that's developed enough to allow that and be safe from thieves/robbers, yet offers cheaper health care than the US. I have a friend who's from South Africa who told me that theft down there is extremely bad.
Hi Sol, I have tried my best to read most of the thread.
Are you still using soy protein powder? The first time I went vegan I used soy products and gained fat and water weight from them, regardless of calorie intake. I have never been a calorie/food restricter. But it was horrible. I easily gain weight from soy.
Every now and then. I usually take in more protein on the days when I'm having 500 or less calories.
I'm still struggling with this mindset. It's really hard to eat more when I see the numbers creep up on the scale. (>__<)
Stop with the soy protein! It's actually very bad for you, just stick to rice or oatmeal! Feed your body so it starts to learn that it doesnt need to store fat. Be proud of eating as much high carb vegan as you wish :) I can out eat most of my family! And my boyfriend too haha! I've eaten almost an entire baguette in front of my friends as well. Who cares if your family eats so little? Ask them to get off their high horses and be human for a change. If they ask you if you're going to eat ALL of that, tell them "@#$% yes I'm going to eat the *&^% out of that". Don't let them treat you like a doormat! You have a middle finger right? Let them see it once in awhile :)
I will stop with the soy protein, however, I always feel sick after eating any kind of grain. Sicker than I'd feel if I starved. It's so hard for me not to feel tremendously guilty when I see my family eating so little and looking so perfect, while I have been stuck being fat for so long. My parents and my diabetes doctors are very very against high carb. They force low carb, high protein on me and nothing I say can sway them. Especially since I'd gained all that weight before, eating tons of grains.
They're forcing me to finish my degree at community college, which means I'm stuck here til at least August. I feel like I can't recover because if I gain weight, I know I will get hell for it. My doctors pushed diets on me and I went through three nutritionists, all of whom pushed low carb high protein, and one even took measurements of me, which made me feel absolutely terrible. I feel like I have no choice but to starve myself now. If I gain weight, my doctor will tell me and they'll start pushing diets on me again. I feel like *&^%t every day, but I'm stuck now. I want to get better and eat more, but I'd have to live alone first.
I hate this.
I figure once I become very underweight, they'll all shut the @#$^ up with their triggering comments and diet-pushing and actually beg me to eat.
They always have to make triggering comments whenever I eat. And my mom always talks about weight. She says she was 90 lbs in high school and once, her mom dropped to 87 lbs. Why does she have to keep telling me about weight?? It makes me never want to eat again!
Maybe fruit instead? Give your parents and doctors some things to read, prove them wrong with facts! Watch forks over knives or youtube dr mcdougall's speeches. Stay strong and tell them their bullying towards you is getting really old.
Believe me, I've tried to educate them. They just tell me it's all in my head and my diet is too restrictive already. I've warned them countless times that I feel like an eating disorder is being pushed on me, but they don't listen. I now feel so guilty about eating food that every time I eat 1000 calories or over, I fast the next day.
I eat a whole bag of chocolate chips + 1 cup of peanuts and no one bats an eye.
I eat three bananas at once and everyone loses their minds.
I felt even worse this morning when my mom made my dad eggs between two slices of toast and offered him another, and he immediately declined and said "I can't eat that much!". and he definitely used to eat way more. I feel so disgusting around them. I'd be puking up my meals at this point if I were physically capable.
I am also here. You can reverse diabetes. I wasn't formally diagnosed on paper, but I know I used to be formerly diabetic cause all the tests done in China already told me. And I had AN, and experienced all those symptoms. grains make you sick, but the point is, eat high carb. Great gramps is 103 and he still climbs. O.o