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End of a 9 day dry fast and I feel like killing myself. I want to be a DJ $iva.

I am contemplating suicide because I dry fasted for 9 days to cure my bipolar disorder and shizophrenia.

And now I don't appear "normal" to people since I have no friends and walk alone everyone here in mangalagiri, andhra pradesh, india.

I have reached the end of the road.   I was about to go to Egypt tomrrow to Luxor to see the Pyramids with the Pyramid Spiritual Society of India and at first they said I could go since because of my KUNDALINI AWAKENING the Ascended Masters could help me.  

But then they called back 10 minutes later and told me not to come even though my Dad spent a lot of money on this trip of a lifetime.

Now I have no friends because I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, although I do drink liquid chlorophyll with water which enabled me to walk 18 miles  a few days ago.

Anyways, my last message to society and this world on my facebook is http://www.facebook.com/djsiva

All I wanted to do in this life was be dj $iva and my Dad would not let me.

So I will just post on there and hope that maybe one of you can convince me not to commit suicide and be a friend to me.

If I don't commit suicide, I am going to move to Morocco and be a gypsy.

Thank you.

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It's hard to respond to something like this because I could say something very wrong and send you over the edge. HOWEVER. I'd rather TRY to help than not say anything.

Ok. That being said. Are you 100% raw right now? Are you on medication for the schizophrenia/bipolar? I've read about Victoria, a member here who has pretty much healed her schizophrenia by going raw. With that, I think maybe fasting wasn't the best idea, since you weren't putting energy in your body but rather starving it. I'm not sure, maybe someone else would want to clarify this for me - but I think to heal anything really, you need to feed your body, not starve.

Can you still go to Egypt even if you don't go to the pyramids? It would still be an awesome trip of a lifetime even if you don't get to go to the pyramids in my opinion. Maybe just being in a foreign country like that for a while would be good for you? Sort of an opportunity to clean your head and relax outside of your normal circumstances.

Thirdly, what exactly is blocking you from making new friends? I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs either and I still have friends. What you do has nothing to do with friendships, it's about who you are. If you're projecting the image of someone sad who is already defeated at the prospect of not having friendships, that's what you'll attract: no friendships.

I'm not sure what more to say, but I do think that everyone has a purpose on the planet and you can't just cut yours short. Hang in there. Even if it all looks very dark right now, there's ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, make your OWN light. You have the power within you to be happy, and I sincerely wish you'll see that. Darkness cannot be where Light is. :)

you can be anyone or anything you want to be.

i have no words.

i dont belive in suicide, i belive anyone can be something, do something. no matter what it is.

life is about making a mark. doing. action.


Hey man. I'm really sorry to read all this. I'd love to be your friend. There's ppl out there that is worth living for. YOU ARE WORTH LIVING FOR. I also had suicidal thoughts when I was on medication, but I always told to myself: If I'm not comfortable with my situation and location, I'll just go far away and never turn back. That's the best you can do!!! Don't give up, pursue happyness!!! 

Siva, many of us are here on this site in large part because we stand out in society.  It's not always easy, especially socially, but I consider standing up for something in which I believe to be a worthy calling, and a reward in itself. 

I know we just seem like pixels on a screen, but across the distances, you've got some genuinely caring people reading your message tonight.  I can't begin to understand the challenges you're facing and I won't do you the disservice of saying I know what you're feeling, but I do want to convey above all that your life has value! 

You have much left to accomplish in this existence, personally and for others.  Healing comes in many forms and combinations, a healthy diet featuring prominently.  While you travel this path, as I hope you will, keep looking for the opportunity to serve others.  It won't remove the necessity of personal internal work over time, but it will serve to shift your focus from what might be overly inward to a more outward-oriented expression of service. 

Please stay in touch with us, Siva.  We want you living, breathing, and one day--thriving!

P.S. one lady who might be a good contact with whom to share and learn is Victoria:


She has quite the remarkable journey of healing from mental challenges.

Well said Windlord.

Its never to late to follow your dream of DJ'ing and here is some proof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEZ24pLIIyk <-- a 69 year old woman who got into it and took over the paris nightlife by storm.  I would love to hear any tracks/mixes you have made to date.

One thing that helped me when I was starting to get suicidal thoughts was to start appreciating the little things in life.  Nature for example.  If you can see the beauty in nature then just going for a walk and looking at trees and flowers, and breathing in fresh air can really lift your spirits.

I hope that helps.  Suicide is never the answer.

Just know you're not alone mate. I think about killing myself all the time from the smallest things which happen. I have major depression and paranoid-type schizo, it's hard. But you know fasting that long won't be good for the body, it's NOT going to cure your mental state, trust me. I've water fasted over and over and over again and I only lost precious muscle and water and became hungrier while messing up my body. GO OUT AND EAT! Drink some water! Hey, I have no friends either also. Back when I drank a lot I STILL didn't have true friends- only a couple of people who were "friends" and would drink with me and leech booze from me. Get out and walk in the sunshine, absorb up that Vitamin D cause us depressed people need it especially. Fresh air and some sunlight are like magic. Drink tons of water, eat a large high carb meal. I have no idea personally on your relationship with your Dad so I'm not sure what you could do, maybe try to explain to him that you are your own person and that you have your own dreams. Get him interested, show him some of your dj music and maybe one day he'll think "this is awesome that my son can make music like this!" And if he thinks it's shit then screw him, if making music can enable you to be happy and feel good then DO IT! Life can be hard, life can be easy, it's all on how you look at it. But living is better than killing yourself in any case!

Much love, Kerrigan. ♥

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  No matter how bleak things seem, there are people who love you and there is a light at the end of that tunnel. Please don't lose heart, things will get better.

I've been in a similar situation, wanting to kill myself because I was in so much suffering, but I am here to tell you that you can heal anything!  God will help you find a cure even if it takes a long time!  

What have you tried to heal your mental disease?  Have you tried high carb raw vegan?  There are a lot of suppliments that may improve your situation - niacin, amino acids, ect...  

Are you intestines cleaned out because most of your neurotransmitters are produced in the intestines and if they are clogged, toxic, and/or parasite infested, it can actually cause things like schizophrenia, anxiety, depression ect....

Regardless, I hope everything works out for you and you heal from whatever is troubling you.

God promises to heal all our Diseases :) Blessings to you xxx 

this makes me cry reading this - I was not to far from where you were a few months ago.  I want you to know that my thoughts are with you, and I hope you can look inside yourself and find a will to live, there IS a light inside  of you, sit and meditate, do your yoga, trust you will find it. trust in the universe to guide you.

looks like your into kundalini tantra? thats awesome... I am a Satyananda yoga student and hope to look into that practice when i'm more experienced.

I want to travel to India next year, I hope that your around and we could share some fruit together 

om shanti


eat some fruit, learn something and life will start to feel fresh and full of hope. There is life in learning.



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