Do I leave or do I start taking control of someone who is killing them self?
My mom has a mental disability, not sure exactly the diagnosis, she attempted suicide a few years back, on top of that she hasn't had a job since I was born 22 years ago, she doesn't like going out in public, that aside she is a very loving and caring person but she has been on a downward spiral to her grave and I'm afraid she doesn't have much time left. Shes been drinking the last few years and in the last year it's gotten to be drinking all day long(about(6-10beers each day). Shes been a smoker since before I was born but she has recently been trying to quit and she might start using gum. In the last week she has been pooping out pools of blood. She sleeps 17-20 hrs a day.
I had a pretty emotional talk with her last night explaining how I'm feeling. I told her "I'm getting to the point where I'm either going to just ******* leave because I cant stand to stay here and watch someone kill themselves and then see my sister waste the rest of her life away. (My sister is 18 and my mom raised us since birth.) OR I'm going to just start doing what I think is necessary." What I have in mind is cutting the tv cord(no point in selling it, it's an old tube tv haha) and pawning the beer off to drunkeys. I would throw it out but my mom and sister really need the money to get into a more sustainable healthy house(squirrels in the ceiling and mold problem here)
So I know this is quite personal but I don't care I just feel I need to talk to some people who have gone thru similar situations and maybe I could get some pointers.
I feel my mom doesnt have the function to take control of her life and needs someone to put her on the right coarse. I also see my mom as a big influence on my sister.
I'm going to figure out what exactly her diagnosis is and ill update that right here..
This is what she brought me..
Problem List: 10/3/2013
PTSD(post-traumatic stress disorder)
Chronic low back pain
From my point of view i can only tell you don't walk away at this point, that will lead to massive guilt complex later. Im sorry to say i think your mom is set on self destruct. Look after her by all means but be mindful of your sister or any other siblings support them when they need it. I lost my mom and dad when i was in my twenties i still feel some guilt now.
Don't forget your siblings should also help support you. You cant stop an addict with critiscism, only with nurture.
I send my love to you because i think you need it.
Thanks Andy for your love.
Most people need a catalyst to change. Once a big change happens you can use that time to change other things as well because change is already happening.
I don't know what to say outside of that. My father has obvious health issues or will have but I cannot force him to do anything. I have been trying to show the improvements I've had but feel he is not changing fast enough. Parents are hard to watch with bad health even if you didn't have the answers to improve their health.
This is selfish to say but your health is most important.
I here you on the "your health is most important" their isnt much more I can take living around this, and lead by example causes the greatest and best change for all in my opinion, but in my moms case she needs that catalyst at least for now.
No matter what you say or do to people, you can't change them. Everyone has to realize their own truths and once they do, they will live them out. If I were you, I would try to just live your life, and if your mother asked for help, then be there for her. However I wouldn't go out of my way to try and change her, as it just causes both of you problems and nothing gets fixed.
I agree that you cant change other people, but I do feel like their is more I can do, due to her mental state and if I left now I would always look back and say why didnt I cut the tv cord and throw out the beer.
I dont think my mom would ask for help. last night she said she thinks it would be better if she just got cancer or something and past away in the next year.
Once I do everything to clear up the clutter in her life maybe then she will see her own power.
It's getting her to actually sit down and watch it. she has a problem doing one thing for an extended period of time. It is a great movie and I will try it out just may have to be in a couple sessions Thanks for the idea and best wishes ty :)
Cutting the TV cord and selling the beer isn't really a viable solution. You'd be better served taking steps to set up a support network for her and Doctor/Psychiatrist appointments. It would be very helpful to find out exactly what she has been diagnosed with and whether she is (or should be) taking any medication. Find out if there are any Mental Health organizations in your area and contact them to see about possibly arranging for a support worker to come to your home to talk to her (since you said she doesn't like to go out in public). Alcoholism on top of mental health issues makes things even more complex and requires extra care in dealing with it.
These are things that can't just be "snapped out of". Mental health issues and alcohol addiction can be black holes that are extremely difficult to get out of. Many of the needed steps she may not be capable of or willing to do on her own, so the more things that you and your sister can do to get a support system in place for her, the better. You want to be an ally for her, not an enemy. Cutting cords, selling beer or other "shock" tactics do nothing to help change the underlying issues and, in many cases, could actually make matters worse.
And to reinforce what randa frazier suggested, it's also important for you and your sister to have some support as well. They are difficult situations not only for the person in question, but also for those around them and who take care of them. Group meetings and programs are extremely helpful, as are one-on-one sessions with a support worker. Also, since money is a concern, be sure to tell support workers that you are low-income and/or have no insurance. Most organizations (ones which aren't non-profit) that provide support and/or counselling charge on a "sliding scale", whereby they will either charge you a reduced fee or provide services free of charge.
You can only motivate others to a certain extent. Being there will help her alot. She needs vitamin D (and a magnesium supplement-works with D in the body) since it's winter and it will only get worse. If you can do this and get her to take it with water, she will slooooowly improve, maybe enough to 'wake up' and realize that she has a son and daughter that are fighting for her! It sounds like she's in a pit and can't see that's where she is. Mental illness is based in deficiencies caused by poor eating habits...she'll get better if you just keep with it. If you leave, it will send the wrong message to your sister that you're quitting and have your mom see you as abandoning her. From what you told us she said, it sounds like she's has major SADD from SAD.
Let her know you care and that you'll help her. Don't change her...that can easily come later after her thinking is properly working and your actions will speak so LOUD that you might not have to convince her to watch a thing, but she will want what you have!
Big hugs - you can do it!!
Updated with Problems/diagnosis of my mother
Thanks for all your support everyone!:)<3