I used to hunker around here a lot, with the hopes that someday it would just click and going LFRV would all of a sudden be simple for me to do. I chased the simple and failed. I started drinking coffee again, I began to eat unthinkably gross food, and I put a little weight on. Ironically, I dont even care about the weight that I put on, It was only about 10lbs. I just feel really bad, Mentally and physically.
I have always had issues with anxiety and I have this awful mental fog, almost feel like I have a slight case of ADD. My issue is that I am very OCD about my diet, and if I am not perfect, and follow what I say I am going to do exactly, I go over the edge. I have recently began thinking about going no poo and I have also thrown away and repurchased cleaning products over and over again. I think I have wasted more money trying to go LFRV then anything else. I have no idea why I am having so much trouble committing. Well, I guess it could be because of outside influences, and just the everyday struggle. I have no idea why when it comes to food that I feel I need to fit in when I am comfortable with not fitting in when it comes to every other aspect of my life. It is weird, and I do not get it. I do beat myself up over this stuff. I just want to be healthy, look healthy, and feel healthy.
I do not think I am horribly unhealthy, I am not overweight, however, I just feel like I am abusing myself inside. to top it all off, I have an extremely supportive fiance who supports to raw vegan diet, so what is stopping me? I have no idea, but I deff. need some friends. I am generally really antisocial which is why even discussion forums do not work out for me. But I need to give it a try or I am going to make myself insane. I woke up this morning with full intentions to only eat raw this morning, I did until I did not bring enough food to work. I know I have to plan, but I really dont want to have to think about food constantly.
I think I am crazy, my all or nothing attitude will absolutely drive me over the edge one day. I just dont know what to do about. For instance, I get rid of all household chemicals but then throw my hands up and say "whatever, I am going to be exposed to crap that is out of my control so why not just be "normal"." then, I say, "Well I cant control everything and it would be a good idea to not purposefully harm myself with these chemicals." and the cycle starts all over. I think part of my issues is that I have no one that can relate to the things that I want to do to become a healthier, non toxic human being.
I started this post with a point.....somewhere in the middle I lost it!
I hope some of it makes sense! I am not even sure what type of response I want. however I know that saying these things to the average person, would not get me anywhere!