30 Bananas a Day!

I used to hunker around here a lot, with the hopes that someday it would just click and going LFRV would all of a sudden be simple for me to do. I chased the simple and failed. I started drinking coffee again, I began to eat unthinkably gross food, and I put a little weight on. Ironically, I dont even care about the weight that I put on, It was only about 10lbs. I just feel really bad, Mentally and physically.

 

I have always had issues with anxiety and I have this awful mental fog, almost feel like I have a slight case of ADD. My issue is that I am very OCD about my diet, and if I am not perfect, and follow what I say I am going to do exactly, I go over the edge. I have recently began thinking about going no poo and I have also thrown away and repurchased cleaning products over and over again. I think I have wasted more money trying to go LFRV then anything else. I have no idea why I am having so much trouble committing. Well, I guess it could be because of outside influences, and just the everyday struggle. I have no idea why when it comes to food that I feel I need to fit in when I am comfortable with not fitting in when it comes to every other aspect of my life. It is weird, and I do not get it. I do beat myself up over this stuff. I just want to be healthy, look healthy, and feel healthy.

 

I do not think I am horribly unhealthy, I am not overweight, however, I just feel like I am abusing myself inside. to top it all off, I have an extremely supportive fiance who supports to raw vegan diet, so what is stopping me? I have no idea, but I deff. need some friends. I am generally really antisocial which is why even discussion forums do not work out for me. But I need to give it a try or I am going to make myself insane. I woke up this morning with full intentions to only eat raw this morning, I did until I did not bring enough food to work. I know I have to plan, but I really dont want to have to think about food constantly.

 

I think I am crazy, my all or nothing attitude will absolutely drive me over the edge one day. I just dont know what to do about. For instance, I get rid of all household chemicals but then throw my hands up and say "whatever, I am going to be exposed to crap that is out of my control so why not just be "normal"." then, I say, "Well I cant control everything and it would be a good idea to not purposefully harm myself with these chemicals." and the cycle starts all over. I think part of my issues is that I have no one that can relate to the things that I want to do to become a healthier, non toxic human being.

 

I started this post with a point.....somewhere in the middle I lost it!

 

I hope some of it makes sense! I am not even sure what type of response I want. however I know that saying these things to the average person, would not get me anywhere!

 

-Sarah

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I have been at this for over 3 years now, I feel like something should give at this point, ya know? but like others have said, it could take a while and I just need to accept that fact.
Sarah - your thoughts are familiar to me. I also have an all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to diet (associated with several years of anorexia and then bulimia).

People like us - we need to make a conscious effort to overcome this way of thinking. Re-frame every "perfectionistic" thought and realise every experience is an opportunity for learning.

I'll give you an example. I gave up coffee in June last year. It was going pretty well, my panic attacks had gone and my overall anxiety was reducing....until one day in October when I'd slept poorly, it was a Friday morning and I was struggling at work. Decided to have a coffee. WELL.... I was completely wired and bouncing off the walls for the entire day. My thoughts were all over the place and I barely got any work done. I was chattering 100 miles an hour to anyone who'd listen. I didn't wind down until midnight (12 hours later).

Lesson learned. Sure, I had "ruined" my no-coffee streak. Those memories are so vivid that I haven't touched the stuff since, nor have I had any desire to, and it's almost 12 months later.

So for you, get back to a fruity life, and any time you feel tempted to eat cooked food, just remember how you feel RIGHT NOW and that it's your under-carbed/under-hydrated/under-slept brain talking. Your current state can be a valuable way to stop you in the future anytime you want to eat cooked food. And you know what? In the future if you DO eat cooked food, then you can still use this experience to get back to fruity living instead of continuing the cooked food spiral.

Most of all remember that no one is perfect. We can't be. If we were all perfect, then what would we have to reach for? =)
Your think'n too much Sarah, you need to get out of your head and into your heart more. :) Sounds like you need a few months of fruit carb intensive therapy + 12hours horizontal each night and heaps o water.

Who ISNT OCD when it comes to diet? I remember going to McDonalds once and it wasnt 10:30am yet so I couldnt order a burger and I was just freaking out. I didnt want a mc muffin I had to have a burger!

What happens when people order something at a cafe and the opposite comes out? Who says 'yay for variety!'. Rather they say 'Hey mate! I DIDNT ORDER THIS!'.

What happens when you get someone that says your OCD about your diet and then you ask them to eat bananas for dinner? Do they say 'yeah I would love too!' Of course not, they say 'but but but..'

Eat, train, live and think like a champion. A crazy champion at that.

hey Sarah.

You can do this. Believe in yourself. If you truly want it, you can do it. =)

1. I agree that you sound scatter brained. Happens to the best of us. ;) Yoga and meditation may help with this and calm your brain.

2. Sounds like you may just need to really be-friend some raw vegans. I'll be your friend! It's always nice to be in constant contact with like-minded people to keep you on track. facebook me anytime www.facebook.com/badashclimber or email badashclimber@gmail.com =)

take care!
Thank You Ashley! ...I added your email to my address book!
water fast breaks so many bad habit cycles
I have the same types of problems - the all of nothing mentality is definitely something I've been dealing with for a long time! I can relate to pretty much everything you said. This is totally one of those easier said than done things, but you just gotta notice what it is you're doing...and not act on it. Write down how you're feeling and release it that way. Make a plan and stick with it. This 811 thing has been wonderful for me cuz it's so simple - just eat fruit, fruit, fruit - and more fruit! It's amazing. I hardly have to think, I just eat fruit, and then usually have a salad full of tomatoes and cucumbers for dinner. If you need a support buddy I am totally here for you! Right now work is pretty slow and I have loads of time on my hands. I am just starting off on this 811 journey (only 4 days in), so it'd be great to have someone to chat with about it. :)

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