This story requires some explanation:
My roommate's boyfriend has a brother with autism. She told me about when she went to visit him, all his mother would give him was junk food and mountain dew (I don't know if mountain dew is sold in other countries, but it is a soda with one of the highest sugar and caffeine contents).
We (my roommate, the boyfriend, and I) were talking about his brother in the car on the way to a movie. I believe that most health problems can be fixed or at least made better through this lifestyle, because I've seen it occur in numerous other people, including myself. I asked my roommate's boyfriend if his family had tried fixing his diet to make him better. He immediately said, "no, there is no cure to autism" (with a VERY angry tone). I said, "well, i've seen a family make it almost go away in their son...". but again, he cut me off and said "no, that's not true". Like he knew what i had seen and researched.
Then later he started texting me and telling me that i was a "disrespectful bitch" and that i was a "worthless sack of shit", "worthless cuntbag", and a million other very uncreative insults. I tried to figure out what was wrong but eventually gave up. What's scary is that this guy is WAY bigger than me or my roommate (he's six foot two and weighs about 240) and that I'm concerned for my personal safety with the way he was talking. My roommate would never pick a side-and I wouldn't ever force her to), but it concerns me greatly.
It confuses me why he would grow so angry with me and start attacking me when i had done nothing wrong. I wasn't trying to be offensive and I wasn't forcing anything upon him. Has anyone ever experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? Luckily I have a deadbolt lock on my bedroom door, but it still concerns me to have him around. What can i do to prevent this from happening again?
Thank you! I think the letter is a good idea!
Hey Ashley! I think he got very upset because this is a topic which simply upsets him. He probably thinks he knows so much about autism since it has personally touched him. Maybe he is upset that his brother is that way and he isn't. Or maybe he is upset because that means you are insulting his lifestyle and the way his parents raised his brother. He also may have taken what you said in a wrong way. for example he may have thought you meant he needs to get on some medication or major help because "he is messed up". Some people simply insinuate things without you even going near that side of the topic whatsoever. If you want to make progress I think it would be wise to talk to your roommate and find out what she knows about the situation. With healthier lifestyles you have to give it time and the progress is slow. When your perspective changes thats when the mind can begin to accept the new ways and habits. best of luck and let us know what happens!
In a way I guess I was insulting his lifestyle. However, his mom will mess with his brother's medication so that he will have seizures so that she can get out of having to go places or so that she will get attention. She SHOULD be insulted. Maybe he just takes it extremely personally though. My roommate agrees with me. She's not raw or anything, but she was the one that approached me to vent about it. My roommate is very SAD diet-y and even she was the one that suggested that if his mom fed him differently, things might improve. Maybe he just feels helpless and the suggestion that there might be something he can do after all this hurt and frustration makes him angry.
i see you connected your own nominilization , scared , safety.
but here is a list so you can provide empathy http://en.nvcwiki.com/index.php/Evaluative_words
Safety is EXACTLY what I need. I have a lot of anxiety issues though, so when people disagree with me and start attacking me verbally, I worry they will attack me physically too. I'm small and not very strong.
well carb hard and all that is about to change ;)
I don't think he was really attacking your 'raw beliefs' just he didn't appreciate you calling his brother's individual differences a disease that can be cured, lots of people on the autism spectrum embrace their differences and get very irritated at people trying to cure them of their individuality. There are people that advocate screening and aborting autistic children, as well as 'charities' that only care about helping the family members 'burdened' by austistc children - this causes a lot of anger and resentment from many people on the autism spectrum and their family members.
These people that you see 'cured' have just learned to act better, and not everyone has the ability to learn that to the same degree.
Well, families that have a member with a problem, you have to know one thing
they've probably heard EEEEEEEEEEEEEEveryone saying a suggestion of how to "cure" it. To them, a raw diet, or a pill, or a shaman warlock's chant, it goes thrown in the " yet another smartass thinks they know the cure".
That's why you got attacked, nothing to do with your diet. My sister had a stroke and was paralyzed for 5 years, my mum and I heard aaaall these remedies and stories about people who got cured by something, my mum had enough of it, so did I to be honest. My sister eventually did manage to get up and walk again, but it wasn't by anyone's suggestion.
It's best not to get involved with people's family members who have an issue and start pointing out stuff they're doing wrong, or even worse, say stories of success of other people you do not know directly. It's a sensitive matter to them and they get told about what they should do, by numerous people, so when your friend snapped at you, it was cause he's furstrated he's yet again, in the situation, being told, over and over again about this "magic" cure that will help his autistic brother. It's not your diet, it's their situation.
Spend some time googling raw food autism I think you'll come up with ample evidence of raw food improving conditions.
As far as him verbally attacking you, you threatened his beliefs. We all have our own beliefs due to our experiences along the way. This doesn't make any of those beliefs right, or wrong really. But we attach deeply to those beliefs and some people will react violently or get very angry when those beliefs get questioned.
Don't ever take anything personally that someone else puts on you because of their own flawed beliefs. This is their delusion and it only becomes yours when you take it personally. If you must deal with these people always do so in a compassionate manner. If we give them compassion enough that's what we will receive back. If we give confrontation, we'll receive that instead.
Sorry to hear about the trouble you had with your roommate’s boyfriend, I hope it works itself out.
I am a parent of a special needs child, my daughter has a genetic disorder call CHARGE-Syndrome . She is mentally and physically disabled as well as profoundly deaf, she also shares some of the Autism personally traits. She is the sweetest most wonderful little person in the world and she is my angel I can’t put into words how much I love her.
We have spent countless hours researching and trying to understand her disorder in order to help her and make her happy and healthy. All the time we get people trying to offer their ideas to help, most are good ideas that we already thought of and tried… some work some don’t. We also get many people offering up ideas who just don’t know or understand what it is she has, or how a person with special needs really is like to work with. I understand they mean well, but it totally annoys and pisses off her mother. She is the type of person that may react like your roommates boyfriend, I understand her reaction, I just do react the same way.
Eating is very challenging with my daughter (or any special needs person), she is much more sensitive to textures, temperature, and flavors then a typical child. She would have no problem starving herself to death than to eat certain foods… sounds crazy but it’s true. She also had physical problems with chewing and swallowing, she can aspirate and/or choke… which she has… and we spend many, many nights at the Hospital with her very, very sick in fear of losing her.
I understand that eating a healthy diet will benefit everybody, and I would never think about giving her fast food or soda (especially Mountain Dew). I worked very hard to feed my baby a healthy vegetarian diet.
There is evidence that some Autistic people have shown improvements on a gluten free diet, don’t know about raw, but it’s not 100% clear as of why and it’s not a cure. But getting them to eat it can be easier said than done… Some people just give up and feed them whatever is easy to keep them from starving.
Wow, you absolutely did nothing wrong and I think he is way out of line saying all that stuff to you when you were only trying to help. Sure his anger may stem from feeling helpless toward helping his brother but he should be more open minded. I'm sure if you were wearing a white doctor's coat, he probably wouldn't have had the same reaction.
I actually suggested the same thing to one of my friends who's boyfriend's daughter has really bad autism. It just so happens that the father works in lawn maintenance. It makes me wonder if pesticide buildup has anything to do with it. Anyway, I suggested the idea of diet change and I got the same answer as you did about being incurable ... etc.
I just wanted to add that my friend's boyfriends daughter's autism made it so she could not feed herself among other daily tasks as well as a short attention span. It's been a while since I looked into info about autism but I think I remember seeing videos of parents helping their child get at least a little better by doing certain things.