I can't stand it. for the past several times I refused to be present at the family dinner table and I kind of have mixed feelings about this.
My dad and my step-sisters are carnists (aka pretend carnivores, aka SAD eaters). every time I do end up at the same table with them, it's a "fun ride" of disgust at the site of 'cooked death' and trying not to open my mouth, cause someone is gonna get offended by my comments resulting in arguing because whenever do I start speaking up for vegan-ism or defend carbs (note: I don't start those conversations, just respond to bias bullshit), the whole thing goes crazy, and people for some reason take shit personally.
my sisters "eat like pigs" (...I'm sorry, actual pigs...), with no manners, no idea on how to chew food with closed mouth, and the sound drives me nuts. (and again, if I do say something, it will be taken personally...)
On the other hand, the only other person at that table who isn't SAD and/or guzzling on dead animal carcasses and bovine mammary gland excretions is my mom. I love my mom, but continuously refusing to dine with family for various reasons (aka excuses) is making her unhappy. (plus it's hard to come up with legit excuses)
I know there must be some of you, out there, who still live at home and encounter the similar problem I do. I never particularly liked family dinners, but since I went vegan it has been getting exponentially worse.
any ideas on how to deal with this situation?
I too live at home and am repeatedly disgusted by the sight (and smell, especially of lamb, YUCK!) of my parents putting such unhealthy food into their poor systems, so much so that it burns me up inside, but I keep my mouth shut.
The only thing I would suggest to you is to explain to your mum that although you respect the choices of the others in your family it is hard for you to be in such close proximity to dead animals and knowing it is hurting them so. If she says something objective just ask her if she could be present while you ate the brains of live monkeys or something such as they do in other countries. If they offer you to be present at the table just politely decline, such as saying, "thanks for the offer but I'd rather not" and if time spent together is so important to them then you could try doing things or going places with them which don't involve food.
Personally I don't know why eating together is such a big thing to people anyway, Oh well I certainly hope you find a way.
yaa bro just do whats yaa do u dont gota be around them when their eating :) i just avoid it and leave them in flouride land hahaa
They are people too. its best to just to not care about what they eat. If they give you an greif you tell them, look I'm not gonna rag on you how you eat so do the same for me please.
I get asked every evening if I want this or that meat product. Or worse my mom making almost vegan meals then plopping butter or bullion in them. It is not like I have not made sure that the vegan options are in the house. Then she gets angry with me because her attempts to control are not working. Extremely stressful situation, but financially I am stuck for now ( I have a child so I have to think of her well being as well. If it was just me I wouldn't be here)
Now actual family functions I stopped going to years ago. They are hmm tense at best. People trying to shove food down my gullet. I am heavy but geeze I was not eatting much much and knew I couldn't eat certain preservative chemical laden food even back then or I would have an extreme headache. Then other then people encouraging me to eat no one would talk to me and my mom and grandmother fussing over my daughter. It was enough to make anyone sick. Or I am a hermit at heart lol. Now I know there would be nothing I could eat, literally. My immediate family were the crazy people who would bring "healthy" foods to cookouts. Which don't look so healthy now.
I know exactly how you feel. All the way down to people not knowing how to chew with their mouths closed (drives me out of my mind too). Although I have learned to just ignore the disgusting crap they are feeding themselves, my family likes to bring a lot of attention to what I am eating and TRY argue with me about it. It has become less of an issue when I started to shrug them off and say "I like how I eat" or "Well, if I get sick from eating this way, I will admit you were right and I was wrong" (not worried about ever having to "admit" that, lol). Because they aren't getting a rise out of me anymore, it rarely happens. I still don't like eating with them at all, but they are family. And I gotta admit, if they didn't lay off me about it at this point (almost 6 years vegan), I probably wouldn't be eating with them anymore. Hopefully your family gets use to it and stop giving you so much sh*t for it. Good luck!
wish I had your attitude. unfortunately I'm not as tolerant
it's really not about them giving me sh*t, it's about my problem with conversations that start with :"Oh, no thanks, I don't wan't any potatoes, I'm cutting down on carbs." "Thanks, but I don't want any vegetables, I'll just have my steak" (continues an hour later with ice-cream, chips and french onion dip o.O) "Oh no, I do like fruits and vegetables" (didn't have a single fruit for past 2 weeks, and only few tomatoes for vegetables) "I've been feeling so tired and moody today, I wonder why". and so on...
i don't mind spending time at the same table with SAD eaters if they are at least able to listen and consider, but when you are sooooo sure that diet has got nothing to do with anything and arrogantly refuse any objective information...I can stand people that at least don't pretend...but when you are so blind and delusional, that person's company becomes not exactly pleasant
this method will depend on how open to new experiences your SAD family members are, but what i do, since i cannot stand to smell meat cooking, is i cook dinner for them (not every night, but often). i like cooking anyway (sometimes), and if it helps me avoid inhaling bloody beef vaporizing into the air, then i don't mind doing it. plus it makes me feel better to see them enjoying something more sustainable for their health and the planet. who knows, they might actually enjoy it. my dad and sister (the meat eaters) actually quite enjoy tempeh, plus i think they're starting to feel better, physically.
you are lucky that your family is willing to have a meal not containing animal flesh. I once suggested to eat out at vegan restaurant instead of usual Italian or Thai eat out places. all I got is: " Do they have some normal food that we can eat?". WTH is that suppose to mean?! >.< it's like it's freaken impossible and unfathomable to have a meal without vulture food.
Lead by example.
Honestly, this journey is also a spiritual one and we need to be more conscious of being peace promoters. If you always have something negative to say, you shouldn't be there, and your mom shouldn't care. My family doesn't eat together often, but when we do, it's quite nice and even though my parents are eating meat and my brother is eating fish, no one has anything negative to say about my bowl of salad or my potatoes. Honestly I think it's strange that your parents won't address the topic of chewing with your mouths closed with your sisters. That's something my dad was really intolerant about from the time my brother and I were children, so it's something that should be addressed in your household, perhaps. It's not even so much to do with meat, it's just human decency. Remind your parents that they need to get into good habits so that when they're eating with friends or business colleagues, they're not made fun of. That should solve the problem?
I wish it was this easy. believe me when I say that proper table etiquette has been addressed several times in recant past. unfortunately when you are dealing with two girls age 18 and 20 who mostly have been raised by their mother (they are my step-sisters, not real ones) who doesn't have those table manners herself (I've seen her, not a pleasing site). what I am trying to say, this kind of matter is something that has to be taught from an early age. my own mother used to snap at me for the chewing thing until the end of my 16th year until I didn't disappoint her any longer (and ironically became just like her in this). try to start teaching table manners girls that are already late teen/adolescent/young adult, one that rarely takes any advises, and another one who all so often takes it personally, you are in for a big head ache.
not that I wouldn't mention it at the table myself just to spite them (and possibly ruin the dinner), after all, that's what step brothers do lol ;P
lol Maxim, always makin a ruckus at the family dinner table ;-)