what you're "not getting" is the casomorphine in the dairy. yes, morphine, as in the drug. Its in the dairy naturally to get the baby calf addicted to the mom's milk to keep drinking it since it's good for the cow, but thats why people get so addicted to dairy.
As for substitutes, I know Potatostrong.com has a "cheeze" sauce recipe that does use oil, just nutritional yeast (not recommended to eat often though). Here's another: http://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-recipe/raw-vegan-creamy-cheese/ High in fat from the nuts, but they're waaay better for you than oil, and waaaaaaaaay better for you than actual cheese.
Yeah that potato strong guy Will is a great resource for recipes for classic foods, but oil free and vegan. Remember there is a recipe for literally every animal product food, in vegan form. Buy Esselstyn or Barnard cookbooks and search online
continue to educate yourself.
Study five articles daily from this site for the next two weeks, then come back and tell us if and how your outlook has changed:
What halped me a lot was to get on youtube and watch videos about the dairy industry. How they separate the calf and mother so early, seeing them both cry out. I'm a father and to see that, it was like a slap in the face.