This topic is exhausting for me to write about, so please forgive me & perhaps ask me to fill in blanks, if the post is difficult to follow or is missing information that you believe is important.
Basically, I struggle with what I consider to be a bad "food addiction", because I have not met a psychiatrist or expert who has been able to help me work through this. I very impulsively consume large amounts of food to deal with emotions. Once a thought to eat a lot of food is there, the "thought" is so loud that food is all I can "see". As a result, I eat what ever high fat & high refined carbohydrates are accessible: Sugar, fats, breads, cheeses, etc. The symptomatic anxiety and depression linked to this addiction, caused me to quit a job that I worked very hard to secure. After quitting the job, I spent three months recovering from the "food relapse". During those three months, I secured another job, which, [on a positive note], I think suits by interests and strengths better. My first day was Monday September 9th. On that day, the management took the new hires out for lunch to Dim Sum. Out of "respect", I ate what was served, which was not even close to 80/10/10 HCLFRV. This has turned into three days, of not being strong enough to follow the 80/10/10 HCLFRV diet.
The consequences of this are my mind is foggy, my energy is low, and the food voice is very loud. The thought is so loud and I don't know how to cope with it. I am scared I will go off the rails again. I'm just wondering if anyone has struggled with this type of addiction. In my opinion, it's the opposite of anorexia (because I binge) and different than bulimia (because I don't purge).
Prior to my ***K up, I had been 100% HCLFRV & exercised for 15 days in a row, which was a significant accomplishment [for me]. I was able experience & enjoy "high vibrations".
Thanks for posting. I've been going through the same thing since I was a kid. The urge is very strong at any given moment in my day. I've been succeeding lately because my health is so bad I fear I will die soon, which motivates me to try harder to save myself. But I have thoughts like "if I'm going to die soon anyway I'd rather spend my last months/years binging"! I can't believe it when I hear myself thinking like that but those thoughts go on constantly.
I was doing rawtil4 for about 4 months and I loved it! I would "binge" on potatoes every night and it was okay! But my health wasn't improving so I'm trying just fruit again.
Big hugs. I am on a similar path.
Here are some videos helped me move forward on this journey:
I will warn you...it might be bigger than you may be prepared to undertake.
It's not about the food.
You already rationally know what food to eat. You've already found the perfect solution to diet with 80/10/10.
But there is a reason you are struggling with food.
It's not because you lack willpower. Willpower is for people that don't want to deal with their past, as Stef says.
To truly heal, you need to address the reason behind why you crave self-destruction.
We are born perfect.
We don't naturally desire to hurt ourselves.
I subscribe 100% to the idea that HCLFRV is the perfect method to loose weight. But, if you have an addiction, focusing on diet alone as the solution can be a distraction from an underlying emotional issue.
To cure addiction, you will have to address why you are susceptible to addiction, and why you felt like the lonely, malnourished lab rat in a dark wire cage instead of the socialised, healthy rat living in a natural environment.
You might want to start with asking yourself, "when did I start having a problem with food?"
Feel free to get in touch if this resonates with you and you think I can offer more support.
Completely agree with Peter, that some people have a tendency towards addiction. I have a binge-eating past too and completely relate and feel for you. Here are the things that have really worked for me:
1. Keeping the fruit very high (up to 3K cals some days)
2. Keeping the greens also very high
3. Keeping the fat very low
4. Staying away from salt *** (salt always makes me want to eat more than I need) - This one is a Biggie - that I've only really discovered in the past 6 months
5. Staying away from starchy, fatty, salty combinations (Swayze Foster has a book about getting over food addictions in which she talks about the salt, fat, sugar combo being a trigger to overconsume, and she's absolutely right)
6. And finally, and perhaps most importantly, dealing with the emotional, spiritual part of my dis-ease - For this I have had great success in OA. There I've found compassion and relationship with others who truly understand emotional eating addiction, and have also found a way of processing my emotional life. I've been to therapists and, while they were useful, they were also extremely expensive and didn't achieve for me a fraction of what a by-donation 12 step program has achieved. I've learned there that my addiction is a three-fold problem- It's physical (an allergy to certain foods which I literally cannot have or I set up the addictive cycle), it's emotional, and it's spiritual. 811RV helps me deal with the physical part, but OA helps me to deal with both the emotional and spiritual side, and I've found that all 3 are crucial.
Best of luck on your journey. I'm more than happy to be a sounding board if you'd like support.
Us compulsive eaters need to stick together. It helps us heal together.
lots of love xoxox
Thanks for sharing your views Dandelion, I have been wondering whether it is just a calorie deficit/physical problem or an emotional/spiritual one as well, so is interesting to hear your thoughts on it. I've had issues with this too, reassuring to see it's not uncommon.
Thank Beth. It's so great not to have to deal with emotional eating any more, so that I can just be in my life! x
yes, us COE need to stick together. this site provides me with a channel for the most healthy lifestyle i have known. but alongside, addressing my real problem: my selfishness, my lack of a spiritual connection to fill my "whole" i stuffed with food, people, shopping, risky behaviors and drugs, has granted me a life of joy and peace beyond what i could have expected.
those who are not COE and food addicts will not understand what it is like. i would NEVER tell an alcoholic or drug addict that they are not 'addicts' and can simply cure their addiction by a purely physical solution.
why? because i don't know if that is true. neither do others. all we know is experience.
my experience is this: i TRIED curing my food addiction by purely physical means.
i am recovered from the obsession to binge eat. that is my experience. but i will never be cured.
if i put refined sugar and refined fats into my system, something happens. this happens when i eat nut butters as well:
my mind starts to chatter. eventually, it starts screaming, and i am not present in the world and for other people until i can get MORE food into my body, and scratch out the commitments i have made in order to binge in secret.
however, i am recovered BECAUSE i addressed the underlying condition: the spiritual "Hole". Not just the physical need for healthy food. i did this through a 12 step solution, which brought me to a spiritual solution, and by leaning on other COE fellows for help and true wisdom.
i also maintain my recovered state by helping other people, keeping my "hole" filled with the spiritual and cleared of my selfish behaviors, and keeping absolutely 100% clean of refined sugars and fats (as best i can). Spirit-willing, i will be on this beautiful road for the rest of my life.
physically, eat HCLF in abundance, if it works for you. it works best for me.
seek help from other Food addicts who are recovered from their seemingly hopeless addiction by a Spiritual solution. to fill the "hole" we as addicts have.
HEED caution of advice from fellows on this site. we all have good intentions, but those words of advice can be DANGEROUS, if given from someone who does not have addiction in their past.
take advice from those who have Experience with addiction, Experience with the loss of life from it, and Experience from being RECOVERED from the obsession.
message me if you need any help ^_^
Totally appreciate your mentioning the " spiritual " dimension in your comments.
Personally I find that a simple " communication to Spirit " ( whatever that means to you ) that you would like 1000 times more power than is comfortably needed in order to stay on the right path works incredibly well.
It doesn't seem to do any good to get into " communications " involving " just enough " power. Oh please Oh please Oh please ! - Noooo.
You have to communicate to Spirit in terms of 1000's of times more than " just enough " power.
It seems like when one manifests the power x 1000 - then the ability to serenely overcome the addiction happens in an almost " humorous " way.
Good work reaching out. I have had similar problems on and off for about 10 years. It started with a diet, ended up with bulimia and then I stopped purging but binged all the time. Two things have helped me beyond a doubt (and neither of them are what you eat).
1. Stop focusing on your weight, what you look like and the size of your clothes. Just stop. Stop looking in full length mirrors, stop looking side, back, side, front all the time. Don't weigh yourself and wear comfortable clothes for a while that aren't going to feel tight :) You need to focus on your health instead. 100%.
2. Remember this is a lifestyle. I never knew what people meant by that, but I finally get it - this is something you do when you can to make you feel good. Just like an 'active lifestyle'. It doesn't mean if you have some cooked food that you should berate yourself and put yourself down for being a 'bad person'. Killing someone makes you a bad person, although even then I don't think you can be a bad person, just do bad things. Anyway, It sounds like you were saying you were "100%HCLFRV & exercised for 15 days in a row" which is a fantastic effort,but the problem with being so strict with yourself is exactly what happened - you eat something different then binge for 3 days. Instead, I like to be 100% relaxed. I eat foods that make me feel good when I can, but if I'm out, or can't get my hands on what I'd prefer, then I have the best option and move on. Don't get bogged down in identifying with the Rules of the 'diet'. This isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle that's intended to make you feel good, and by the sounds of it, rigidity to it is making you feel bad.
Finally, the biggest change to my health and my eating patterns, as well as my entire outlook on life, was reading THe Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I can't express to you the millions of ways this book has changed and enhanced my life. I no longer feel in the traps of my mind, or out of control in my own body.
I wish you all the best. You can always message me if you need help, having a helping hand never goes astray. And by the looks of things you have lots of support here!!
I would like to thank EVERYONE for the thoughtful and heart felt responses. After posting and reading the wonderful replies, this is the first time I feel as though a faint path of enlightenment, towards understanding & coping with my 'addiction', has been painted. I will carefully re-read all of your responses and thoroughly glean the valuable information and personal insights.
Thank you for sharing this. I literally was just about to start a conversation about my food addictions so that I could get help and found yours at the top of the page with so much great advise in overcoming this. You are in my prayers and I hope you see change in your near future. Again, thanks for sharing as I am going through the same 'addiction'.
Its your life Sam. You live it how you want it. It can be dull and tragic or full and magic.
JUST A CHOICE IN THE MOMENT!
Freelee & I are also BIG TIME FOOD ADDICTS and we fuel each others DAILY binges. We just binge on the stuff that keeps us high energy, healthy and slim. :)