I think I just realized now what DR Graham meant with health beeing many things and not just diet alone.(sport, sunshine, good relashionship)
I couldn´t grasp why I allways fail on HCRV diet, and why I was SOOO tired thoses last times, and why I felt so depressiv and had fear attack everyday.
I am in an abusive relationship. I didn´t realize that till the day before yesterday, but this term came into my mind sometimes, but not strong enough that I really give thoughts to it. But the day before yesterday, I checked in the internet the definition of "abusive relationship" and my husband has all most all the traits described in the article.
He has beeing beating me many times (not regulary, but thoses things should never happen),and allways said it was my fault he beated me because I "provocked" him. I practice my instruments 4-5-hours a day (exept when I´m too tired from all this stress he puts me through) I take care of our baby 24/7 (which I make with verry much joy)I and I coock (for him) and clean the house (not perfect, but I think I have already enough to do in a day)
He works only part time as a music teacher, doesn´t take care of the child much (if at all) but still say I don´nt do enough. In fact he accuse me of "sitting on my ass all day".
I feel so blind that it took me 7 years to realize, on the other sence I was used beeing treated bad, as my mother was olso emotionally abusive, and maybe that´s why I only see it now. I knew that he had problems and was hopping to help him, that he would change, but he was so much agressiv, dispiring and degrading me all the time, that I became depressiv and ignored the situation, even starting to think I was the one who was "crazy". I had no more joy of living, I didn´t have pleasure in anything anymore.And that´s why I thought I was the one beeing sick.He has problems but I´m his punching ball (emotionally) where he can dump his sh... on.
But I see now, what the fact are, and I have to change my life, for me and for my baby.
I hope my post won´t be felt as unapropriated, but I just needed some feedback, because probably a part of me still think it is my fault, and I´m so afraid to "fall asleep" again, fall into his "charms" trap. I want it to be over and to stay strong and believe I can make it without him (probably much better if I´m free)