Ok, been hiatus. Mind going the wrong way at times.
Working...work work work work work work....
Yeah, I know some people might ask "who the F(***** is this guy?" After all the weird stuff I intentionally "blog."
I do it on purpose...just to make the "superficial ones" think I'm "psycho" (and let them whine wine) whereas those who empathize with the pain of those who really are in pain....share the pain and KICK @&^#@*&^ the next day.
Despite all the madness of the Western World and the materialism.
Despite how many people have that "whatever happens to you, regardless is your own fault, no matter what" attitude (which is an "invalid" attitude for use in many cases at the same time); trying not to go crazy.
Yes, the feeling of being alone, despite being surrounded. I really empathize with that feeling.
Despite the temptations and curiosities we have, that lure us into trouble....yes...that's me sometimes. The mind, when not in control, does a lot of rash things.
When being in an urban setting, people aren't necessarily unfriendly, just..suspicious, hence it seems they are unfriendly. Though there are folks who discriminate and judge in their minds too. Those who feel "hurt" for having such discrimination thrown at them....I feel you my dear brothers and sisters....I feel you.
The "education" system which I wished was there to "bring awareness" and not self-shame...unfortunately...it's so inefficient, it doesn't teach you how to "grow up in the real world by knowing how to deal with rent, security deposits, bank accounts, etc." and makes you focus and FEAR the the whole idear of "careers, jobs that don't have good food security, social classism, etc."
Sometimes I dunno what to think anymore.
I may STILL have not been 811, for a long time, and saying that many times..but YOU KNOW WHAT?! The fire is still within, kindled by a wish. It is my wish. Yet the location? A child's wish is intense too. A child's wish....
That cousin of mine...10 years old...never felt that unconditional love...for such a long time...just being with her....we have such a bond..like those of siblings....I miss her already. A Central-South Vietnamese country child she is..yes...but not the rude ones that I usually run into. =p
So because of her wish....it's like "destiny" itself resonates.
My mother bought me land. You know how parents always think ahead for their kids. My mother made the rashest and worst decisions yet, and put me through a lot of crap when I was pre-teen, teenager and early youth.
Post-secondary meant s******t to me because it never involves what I love. I've hear hundreds and hundreds of stories already, where friends and friends of friends get their Masters Degree in something...and end up in an entry-level job or nothing. Do all those post-secondary jobs involve restoring the land? Fruit? Or do you have to talk a lot and NO action to restore land? What about the people around us? Is the work mean to create simple work that would create restoration of food and people's harmony? Or do I smell capitalistic BS?!
Good thing I never fell into that trap. Paying 10000-50000 for nothing and having to work another 5-10 years to cover that? F****** IT!
So my mom, after realizing how right I was........she bought me land.
This land....dreams will come true....my heart never felt this warmth in a while...despite how I had a bad day today...har har.. =p
My cousins are taking care of it. This land...yielding many tropical fruit trees.....such great abundance...and my cousins say the "mangoes...we can't eat them all in time! We're gonna have to take care of them in a way that they don't ripen so fast!" Or something like that...not message my mom relayed.
This land......I want to return to the simplicity. I want the locals...who are country folks..poor and struggling...to realize......that we don't need all this urban garbage to be great. Yet many local Vietnamese...I run into...they dunno what is going on beyond where they live....they think that being Western is like paradise. But some aren't fools when they also have relatives overseas....sharing their experience. Well, it depends on which local Vietnamese you're talking about, since there's so many regions, and they might be city, country, or folks living on the water. =p
I'm not gonna unveil which region I'm from. =)
But saying what I just said...........
When I see the world around me....I still see...pain. But I also realized the hard way...that...I do not need to fight so hard anymore...because..there are many great influential figures out there helping change the world.
So I must accept the position I'm at right now and understand that what I do now...even jobwise...is making it's difference.
So when the time is right....I will truly "return home" and....that "land" is my new mission. I almost thought I'd have to go to Africa......but no....my destiny....is where the child is..the child whom wished for the return of my presence. The child who wished for me to realize my "roots" and find the legends that are long wiped out and gone...after the struggles of war. The legends need not be always physical artefacts. Love is also a legend..Love is everywhere...timeless....and that will bring the answers...that the mind craves for.
My mind is now blank...not sure what else to type...except that...considering the rise of food costs here in urban Canada.....especially organic produce that I wanna wipe out in one day.......can't afford it. It's a sign of compromise to the health if I don't pig out on vegan-organic produce. So why not grow my own? HAH!
I too thought about the "people I'll be saying farewell to" when my time is up. I don't have too many friends because if you're to meet me in person...I'm "terrible" at throwing up fun conversations. I'm boring...and I feel no shame about it whatsoever. I have no interests in anything else out there, really. It's my personality inheritance of being a "simple" person. And real friends who are here...they're ready to accept what comes next. They'll be fine.
I tell everyone who is saddened by my "physical distance" even second cousins who shed tears... "I'm not going to war....now worry not...I will come back.."
I think about 30 BaD when I feel so pissed off and annoyed at the urban setting.....and then I suddenly realize "hey...raw vegan 80/10/10 is like home. The folks there on 30BaD...even if my network of friends aren't empathizing to the pain I feel and the pain I see out there; the folks on 30 BaD got it right..."
So thinking about that...I also think about...home.....(Oh dear little cousin....I will return to you....keep that fighting spirit up....and don't let the hardships take you down.).
Now I'm off to bed.....with another few hundred days of work coming my way.....so comment, flame me, or w/e...love y'all....now I will be inactive on 30BaD again, unless otherwise. =)