So wait a minute, I just had a really great day all of a sudden.
For the longest time I couldn't talk to strangers AT ALL...my face would go red immediately and I'd often panic, sometimes crying after. But today I'm suddenly awesome at socializing again? I added three contacts to my phone today. I haven't talked to pretty much anyone but my family in the past 3 years and now suddenly I have people texting me who aren't related to me. This is different.
It started when I weighed myself this morning for the first time in a few months and realized I'm not longer overweight according to my BMI (which doesn't mean a lot but still cool). And I'm like "Oh, my goal was to not to be overweight by my 21st birthday. I did it. Neat-o.". So I'm all cheery and my mom's like "Wanna go to Whole Foods?" and I'm like "Sure I'd love to spend a ton of money on fruit.".
So first I go to the bank and make friends with the super nice teller who was about my age, Amy. Beautiful girl! We talked on the phone after and we're suddenly now going to hang out this weekend? That's different. I haven't made a friend in a super long time. Sweet.
Then at Whole Foods I met two super nice guys, probably around my age. One was the cashier, the other was the bagger. It was really quiet there and I was the only one in line so they were asking me questions so I told them about all the fruit I was buying and why I was buying so much of it (and simultaneously flirting? Huh? I don't normally do that). BAM, got both their numbers, new friends! One of them texted me already because he got me a case of bananas they were throwing out and he's going to drop them off here tomorrow. SCORE. Now I have friends, AND bananas!
I feel like I did in high school, when I used to make friends wherever I went. I was super depressed yesterday for the first time in a while and I wrote this totally bummer blog post about how crappy everything was and now today I'm super happy again so I deleted it, and even laughed at it.
I don't think I'd have ever gotten to this point without HCRV. I feel like myself again but better. I'm actually content and not hating myself. Actually I think I'm pretty great. I don't really care if I talk to the people I met today ever again, I'm just glad I can talk to ANYBODY again without freaking out. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I'm so glad I stopped my antidepressants. I don't think I could have ever reached this level of contentedness with them, I'd just still be a zombie.
I have like 6 different awesome fruits in my kitchen that I'm wicked excited about. Rambutan, canary melon, Santa Claus melon (which prompted me to sing Christmas songs the entire car ride home, which my mom loved...*coughcough*), Crenshaw melon, Cherimoya, and Guava. I've never tried any of those melons before so I'm really excited. The last melon I tried was a pepino melon, which was kind of like a cucumber mixed with a tomato. I'm more excited about these melons which seem to be sweeter and fruitier. Yay!
I kind of feel like walking to the theater near my house and auditioning for their dumb little plays. I feel like performing on a stage. My drama teacher said I should pursue acting and I was like "Lol ok?", I think I might do it now. Just for fun. I kind of want to be a horrible stand-up comedian too, that'd be amazing.
Wow so I'm way too awake at 2 AM. But that might be a good thing 'cause I have to wake up early to clean for another showing at 12 PM tomorrow.
(Also I think one of my parents just walked in on me having private times in the shower...I'm kind of mortified but I also think it's pretty hilarious. I don't think I can afford to stress out about it so I'll just go on thinking it's hilarious.)