The road back to 100% raw

I am terribly anxious about stupid crap today. Car flat tire. Skipping lunch with co-workers because I don't want to put crap in my body. Possible social activities this weekend. Women. What will I do with my dogs while I'm gone for WFF? Possibility of chiropractic college. It's all tying my stomach up in knots. I want to go home and lie down. Despite getting 9.5 hours of sleep last night, I don't feel my best today.

I've eaten some cooked food every day since my 150 days ended. Some days A LOT. Yesterday I had 3700 calories of raw food and I still made room for an afternoon vegan chinese food binge. At one point I had rice and bean tacos on corn tortillas 3 days in a row!! My body has been really good about purging it all on schedule, but I still have digestive pains from the poor digestion of the beans and all the spicy salsa.

Bottom line is I just don't feel my best. For the first 5 days cooked food didn't really effect me at all. I kept pushing it. Soy sauce. Oreos. Corn tortillas. Beans. Stuff I should NOT be eating even if I'm not 100% raw. My body has basically been fine (other than throwing up that one time) but it's all screwing with my head. I can feel myself losing my grip on being centered in my emotions.

Today I'm raw so far. I made 6L green smoothie this morning and so far I've had 2L of it. Hopefully that will be enough for today. I guess I can always make more when I get home. My goal is be 100% raw again by 7/15/12. That is the anniversary of my first 30 day challenge which started on 7/15/11.

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Comment by Nic on July 26, 2012 at 5:10pm: JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING! you got this, bro. :) keep up the good work. believe you can flyyyy (with raw foods!)

Comment by Esra on July 14, 2012 at 3:10pm: Ha! That's too funny that you ran into Danimal, pretty cool. The world *is* strange.

Comment by L on July 13, 2012 at 5:23pm: You know, I realized that the happiest I've been lately is not calling myself 100% raw. It takes off so much pressure. I just tell people I am mostly raw. And by acknowledging such myself, it makes me feel "free." From what I see here been is that you do not feel "free."

You are human. It's okay to make mistakes. If you want a cooked meal occasionally, let's say 1x or 2x a month, fine. Health is holistic. Psychological, emotional, and spiritual health matter, too.

Last week, I had beans, no salt/ no condiments, with salad. I didn't react too badly, but it made me voluntarily go back to raw. I am enjoying my raw meals more because of this. It also keeps me away from the highly processed vegan junk food because I know I have the option of going to a healthier cooked vegan meal if I wanted. Whole foods are better than processed!

Love yourself. Be raw 7/15/12. And don't get upset at yourself if you decide not to the day before or the day after. But love yourself enough to celebrate your accomplishments with a raw day on your anniversary. See how it feels... and take it from there.

Finally, try not to use food to numb emotions (I know you got a divorce, and that's tough, I can imagine). Use it to help you heal, even if you have no buffer. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't be afraid to lose your insanity a bit in the midst of tears. Holding it in will only make it worse and may cause a vicious cycle of back and forth raw.

Hope this helped!

With love,
Ly

Comment by Iron Clad Ben on July 13, 2012 at 1:48pm: Random, I ran into Danimal from the RawBrahs at the Austin Whole Foods today. We may be working out together this weekend. The world is strange...

Comment by Erika F on July 13, 2012 at 11:35am: Ben, have you been feeling ill (flu/cold) since falling off the wagon? I have...

Comment by ednshell on July 13, 2012 at 10:43am: It'd be great to get back on 100% in preparation for the WFF! So cool that you are going!!! :D

I wouldn't hesitate to up the calories more to see if it helps.

This lovely lady eats 4000+ cals a day:

check her out in her inspiring video:

http://www.30bananasaday.com/video/overt-fat-free

Comment by MaRaw DoberVegan on July 13, 2012 at 8:33am: Something to think about that I have experienced... when I feel that way, when there are all these worries seemingly thrown my way and I start becoming/feeling emotionally unbalanced because of them, I too also lie down and think, what IS worth worrying about? What do I want my future to be like? Then, maybe after thinking about that, I ask, what do I want to do right now? What would be the most worth my time in this moment? Although I think people will say, "Just enjoy the moment" a lot, I also believe joy can come from imagining the future and then finding perspective for the moment. With long-term goals or your lifestyle in mind, it is easier to see the present and realize what is really important.

Comment by Esperanza Vite - The Raw Monkey on July 13, 2012 at 3:52am: Wishing you all the best Ben getting back to 100% raw :) Nothing keeps the body and mind in balance like fruit does! Take care, Esperanza xxx