So, as I have inevitably had a few cheats over the past month and a half, most of them happening in the past two weeks, interestingly enough, NONE of them have gone over well. My first raw lesson learned: cooked food sucks. Of course, I think I have not been eating enough calories on some days, and the next thing I know, I get cravings for cooked food. I honestly believe that my body is telling me, "You aren't giving me enough calories, and it's painful because I need fuel, so I'm going to crave cooked food as a drug to numb the pain out that you haven't been feeding me enough." If I know that I haven't been eating enough, but I don't, you may wonder- why don't I just eat more, then?
Problem #1: I'm worried about money. Of course I could just try and eat my way through my cash, or start eating a bunch of bananas, but I really don't like bananas ALL that much yet... maybe when I'm poor enough in my senior year of college.
Problem #2: I live in Iowa, and as much as my health is very important to me, sustainability is important to me. I buy organic, I buy fair trade when possible, etc., but sometimes I get this little bug in my head that says, "Why aren't you just eating bulk grains, butter, meat, milk, and vegetables, like everyone else who eats local in Iowa?" Oh yeah, cuz I don't frigging want to! I probably get this fear because my town is small and very "local" focused. We have a nice co-op culture, but we don't have a warm climate and we import fruit. However, I feel I do a lot for sustainability already- bike to work, walk to school, buy organic, don't watch TV, turn off the lights, etc. Also, non-fruit foods take wayyyyyy more energy to process, considering all the other junk you have to add to it to make it taste good. People don't just eat wheat alone. ! So logically, I understand that this voice does not make sense. Eventually I will live in a fruit-growing climate and eat my fruit off the tree all day long where I don't have to think about my "localness" or not :)
Does anyone else have these little voices, too, and what do you say to them, possibly amidst a cooked food craving?
Anyways, so these little voices of bankruptcy and unsustainability ring in my head- especially when I'm undercarbed, and then I break and say, "Well, this rice, oil, salt, and tempeh dish looks really nice." Pretty nice vegan cooked dish right? Much more healthy and aware than the average population's SAD diet, right? Well, I eat, and I literally feel much pain on my tongue, roof of my mouth, and stomach as it goes down. I am finding that the cooked food is not cutting it. Maybe in terms of addiction, yes. But for feeling good in my body and knowing what it is DOING to my body- no. I never had this problem before my last month and a half of mainly fruit. I kind of consider it a blessing!- My body knows what's good for it!!
What does this mean that my body is so sensitive to cooked food? Am I healing? Am I in detox? Am I extremely intellectual about my body and I am making it up in my mind? (I'm pretty sure that I'm not making up my pain).