Progress

I was just listening to a Bonnie Raitt song, "Guilty," that has a line in it that has always had a HUGE resonance with me:

"you know how it is with me, baby.
you know i just can't stand myself.
it takes a whole lot of 'medicine,' darlin,
for me to pretend i'm somebody else..."

man, the first time i heard those lines, back when i was still drinking, still eating anything, still livin' the SAD life, those lines of that song were like my life story - they said so much about who i was and what i was doing and why.

and i just listened to them now, a good 10 years after hearing them the first time, and there's no resonance anymore! i can listen and enjoy her singing her heart out with the blues, but that's not ME anymore! i realize that i really love myself, and don't need to pretend to be anybody else anymore - i don't need the "medicine" that i've been clinging to for so long, letting go of it bit by bit. the medicine isn't necessary anymore.

i had no idea, really, how much progress i had made, until just now.