Perceiving Reality

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
—Thomas Merton

Perceiving Reality

Often, when starting a new relationship, we twist reality to suit our needs. Liking most of the qualities of our new girlfriend, so we pretend that their incessant swearing and burping intrigue as qualities that prove they live authentically. Or accepting a promotion, so we ignore the fact the boss belittling you in public. Instead, we choose to think that the situation doesn't seem that bad.

When trying to make another person fit into a reality that we prefer in order to meet our own needs—whether for love, connection, or financial security—each suffer.

Bring your focus back to yourself. Notice which of your needs are met or unmet when you spend time with someone. Don’t judge them; just focus on your feelings and needs. Then, decide whether to continue the relationship.

Seek honesty with yourself about the people and situations in your life.