Mini Blog: So I binged on nuts... & the nuts broke me...

Today I had cravings for nuts, strong cravings, I stole 144.7g in edible portion of the shelled peanuts from the squirrel feed and ate it all, even though I know peanuts are poisonous. I felt satisfied for a while and drink lots of water and other things, wondering why I had eaten the poisonous fatty nuts.

But later on I felt the same craving and I ended up seeking out and finding my raw organic fairtrade 100% raw cashews which I was planning to sprout, the rarity of truly raw cashews makes them hard to find and I only had 201.6g of these & as I have never eaten high fat food or sprouted nuts, I wanted to sprout these one day, but I are them all.

Then I ate 103g of fairtrade organic raw pine nuts, which are very expensive to say the least & I am not sure if they are hard to get hold of or not but I planned to try sprouting those one day too.

Anyhow, apart from those, all I have consumed in sugar calories was 476g of tangerine juice which equates to 205 calories mostly from sugar.

This was against 2,701 calories from nuts.

After a huge binge on dates in order to reach the 80/10/10 percentage, I have now eaten over 8,000 calories & I feel like death...

I have a history of anorexia & brief history of purging anorexia...

I have a very strong urge to return to that behaviour & do something regrettable to my health. I know I would never stray from raw which I suppose is a minor plus, I wish I had the same kind of "Never Again" attitude to ED behaviour, I am fighting off the urge to do this very badly. but I honestly feel as bad as I did when I was suffering from depression...

I have nobody to comfort me, all I can do is curl up in a ball & cry...

Tags: binge, disorder, eating

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Comment by Simon on November 14, 2010 at 5:12am: & thank you everyone, you have all helped so very much!

Comment by Simon on November 14, 2010 at 5:10am: @SuperduperCucumberLover!..=) I love that song =)

Comment by Sarah Me on November 14, 2010 at 3:29am: Oh sweetheart.... I understand, and that sucks. Just realize that your body will do much better to just get it out on it's own. I used to make myself puke, but it wasn't because of a weight issue, it was just because I binged on food and would feel terrible afterwards... but I realize now that I wasn't learning how to do better the next time by puking. I had to feel the whole experience of eating the crap, and after that I started not wanting to do that. Just rest and try not to look at yourself negatively just for messing up with your diet a little. :)

Comment by Laura on November 14, 2010 at 3:16am: Simon, don't worry about having a small slip it will happen! I can completely relate to your situation, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food in the past as well. Its something I still struggle with today, PLEASE don't give in to your old habits. The worst thing you can do is punish yourself....YOU are TOO Young and TOO Beautiful to let something like nuts make you have a bad day!! LOt of Love :)

Comment by SuperduperCucumberLover!..=) on November 14, 2010 at 3:02am: something to cheer you up!

Comment by For_The_Love_Of_Fruit on November 14, 2010 at 1:25am: And our bodies are so wise... .your body will know exactly what to do to free itself from the excess. xxx

Comment by For_The_Love_Of_Fruit on November 14, 2010 at 1:24am: Plus on the positive side, you didn't binge on cooked food!!

Comment by For_The_Love_Of_Fruit on November 14, 2010 at 1:23am: hey if it makes you feel any better, it happened to me in the beginning. it's part of adaptation proccess. Take it easy on yourself. you're perfectly ok just as you are dear Simon! xxx CB