I have been laying low for a while, mainly because of the way I feel mentally. My lapse into crappy junk food and inability to snap myself out of it has inadvertently brought on the feelings of depression and anxiety i felt i was ridding myself of some months ago.
My weight has fluctuated upwards by a couple of kilos, and while I haven't gained a lot back of the amounts I initially lost, this gain hangs heavy on my body and on my spirit. I don't know what happened, I was powering along like a steam train, and it is as if a huge boulder was dropped in front of me, stopped me in my tracks and left me dazed and confused, unable to get going again. I don't know what it was, and I don't know how to fix it.
I need some sort of motivation, some sort of advice, not just being told that "i can do it" and "to stay strong" cos lordy knows that hasn't worked thus far,..I was so proud of myself in the beginning, and now I hate who I am. the woman that "CANT" do it.
It is as if there is me and someone else is doing the driving, it is frustrating, it is insanity, I want to be happy SO MUCH, but I succeed at failure.
While positive words would be lovely, I would prefer a nice hard slap in the face. If you catch my meaning.